My son, whoever heard the voice and guidance of the Holy Spirit, how can I describe their experience? The Holy Spirit only reminds me of 1 Corinthians 13:12, where it says:
“For now we see in a mirror dimly, but then face to face; now I know in part, but then I will know fully, just as I also have been fully known.”
So when Dad heard a voice in my heart, sometimes, as recorded in the Bible, it was unclear, like a guessing puzzle. Sometimes, if I guess it correctly, I could fit in with the Spirit of God and could concentrate on reading the Scriptures and praying being unaffected. Sometimes I guess it wrong and get lost, attracted by self-righteous desires. Although I have read the Scriptures, it seems like I haven’t read them at all. After I stand up from the ground, I cannot remember the Scriptures that I read. No matter how hard I try to remember them, I cannot remember them. Son, before Dad truly repented, sometimes after listening to the voices that appeared in my heart, although I seemed to be walking in the light, I slowly realized that I didn’t want to kneel before the Lord every day and read God’s words and pray. And at those times, Dad always felt that my temper was not very good from the inside. Although I seemed to be honest on the outside, I often criticized people and things around me inside, and I felt that those criticisms were right. What’s more, I found that I was paying more and more attention to what others think of me, like a wounded person who would not like others to see his wound. After repentance, I often worry about whether I have really changed, or is this just an illusion and will soon be restored to its original form? Suddenly one day, a very small voice appeared in my heart, calling me to return to the Lord and let Him judge me. Later I learned that this was from 1 Corinthians 4:4:
“For I am not aware of anything against myself; however I am not vindicated by this, but the one who examines me is the Lord.”
Then, in my heart, I slowly understood that the Holy Spirit pointed out the best way for me. That is, going back to the Lord every day, kneeling down, reading the Bible and praying to get close to my God. In this case, if my soul was in conflict with the Holy Spirit, when I knelt down to read the Bible and pray, I was often attracted by other things that appeared in my heart. I didn’t concentrate on reading God’s words, waiting for and longing for Him to speak to me. I don’t know why when I kneel down to read the Bible and pray, the conflict between my soul and the Holy Spirit will be particularly obvious. I only know that what the Holy Spirit said to me about being examined by the Lord is something that really work and it is the best way. Later, I discovered that if I did not follow the guidance of the Holy Spirit in my heart, I would be afraid to read the Bible and pray because I did not listen to His words through Holy Spirit. Just like Adam and Eve, because they did not listen to God’s words and eat the fruit of the tree of the knowledge of good and evil, after hearing that God was looking for them, they were afraid and hid. After repentance, Dad is willing to kneel down in the morning and evening every day, reading the Bible and praying to get close to God. One month passed, three months later, six months later, one year later, one year and four months later, I finally finished reading the entire Old and New Testament for the first time in my life. Two years later, I still kneel down willingly, reading God’s words and praying to my God, and letting His Spirit examine me. I am very thankful to my God. One day when I was reading James 3:17, it was recorded there:
“But the wisdom from above is first pure, then peace-loving, gentle, reasonable, full of mercy and good fruits, impartial, free of hypocrisy.”
Then, I let go of the worries in my heart, knowing that I really repented and began to be changed by the Holy Spirit. I thanked my God from the bottom of my heart. He used the Holy Spirit to make me repent and let me learn to be a new creation.
Finally, Dad understood that the voice that called me to come back to kneel down every day and to be examined by the Lord was really came from the Holy Spirit! Only those who are led by the Holy Spirit, often enlightened by the Holy Spirit, and confess their sins and repent, will have the power from above to be with the Holy Spirit. Dad always feels that before I repent, I am willing to do other trivial things, which makes myself physically and mentally tired, even when I told myself in my heart that I want to read the Bible. It is very strange that bored thoughts appeared in my heart, and I were unwilling to return to God to pray and read the Bible. In retrospect, before I repented, the Holy Spirit did remind me on December 11, 2008, when I read 1 Samuel 15:22-23.
Samuel said,
“Does the LORD have as much delight in burnt offerings and sacrifices
As in obeying the voice of the LORD?
Behold, to obey is better than a sacrifice,
And to pay attention is better than the fat of rams.
For rebellion is as reprehensible as the sin of divination,
And insubordination is as reprehensible as false religion and idolatry….”
When I was reading the Scriptures above, there were many ambiguities appeared in my heart, and I remembered that I used to ask myself, why can’t I read the Bible and pray every day for a long time? What is sin? At that moment of reading the Scriptures, the Holy Spirit reminded me of my problem, and I knew that God was responding to me and let me know where my problem was. It was because I only asked for my way, but did not follow the guidance of the Holy Spirit in my heart, and my soul was lost. So, I used other things to try to explain why I could not kneel down and read God’s words and prayers each day. In fact, I just didn’t listen to the guidance of the Holy Spirit in my heart, so I would avoid coming to meet with God intentionally or unconsciously. My son, I try to explain to you with a simple thing. I hope the Holy Spirit will show you what He wants you to understand and accept when you read this article in the future. To put it more simply, it’s similar when you were young, when Mom and Dad asked you to go to bed and rest, you were always reluctant and told us you want to drink water and go to the bathroom. Why did you always drink water and then go to the bathroom when you had to go to bed to rest? And at that time, when you said you wanted to go to the bathroom before going to bed, you seemed to be very happy when you were sitting on the toilet board. In fact, at that time, you didn’t want to go to bed and go to sleep at all!
Son, when I refuse to obey God who created all spirits and the heavens and earth, and only do things that I think are right and beneficial to myself or even to God, my soul from God will be spiritually wounded. Remember the following words as a reminder, maybe in the future, if the Lord is willing, I will explain in more detail in the future letters to you. When my soul is spiritually wounded, I often listen to the rebellious spirit imitating as the angel of light, and guide me in my heart to escape from the discipline of God, to the self-righteous, criticizing the world but not out of love. I did that to let myself feel good about my own self-righteousness and make myself feel that I am much better than those people. I am worthy of God’s love. Therefore, when you one day feel that you are more righteous than others, and are more qualified to criticize those who do bad things, as if you are a judge, thinking that you are righteous and a good person, God will for sure love you. You are so important to God and His Kingdom. If you are not afraid of the cruel reality, you can first try to repeat thinking about the evil things done by the bad guys that appeared in your mind, then close the door and kneel down in the room immediately to pray and read the Bible. If you can resist on those thoughts that make you feel good, instead of being obsessed with those thoughts, you can on the other hand concentrate on thirsting for your God to talk to you at that time, you will know whether you are with the Holy Spirit, are you walking with the Lord?
Christian Faith Discussion 