advice – Christian Faith Discussion

Doubts from the Bible – A Moment of Eternal Light (I) – Part 3 of 3

Introduction

When the Holy Spirit inspired me to write this series of “A Moment of Eternal Light”, the author once said to the Lord with great worry: “Lord, You asked me to speak to such a great extent, but I’m worried that I won’t be able to finish it!” But one day, the Lord’s words came to me, and they whispered in my heart: “I will help you, don’t be afraid.” I was worried that I heard wrongly, so I ordered the spirit who said he would help me by the name of the Lord to answer me, “Do you believe that the Lord Jesus has become flesh?” As a result, the Lord replied to me: “I AM.” The author’s God is honest and trustworthy. If He said He would help me, He would definitely help me complete what He wanted me to share in His own name. As Zechariah 4:6 says:

“…This is the word of the Lord to Zerubbabel, saying, ‘Not by might nor by power, but by My Spirit,”

I hope readers can see the Spirit of God and accomplish what the Lord has asked the author to share. The author is a person with no eloquence and mediocre logical thinking and analytical skills. I am even more capable of saying inappropriate words when inappropriate. Such a person should not have any readers who would misunderstand that the author relies on his own knowledge and ability to write my testimony. And to be honest, I just don’t want others to see me and not see the work and teachings of the true God who created heaven and earth in me!

In this article, I will record how the Lord led me through the reasons for testing my spirit and what are the testing methods to see if it comes from God. This article will be divided into several short chapters, each of which is limited to less than or equal to eight minutes of reading time. If the Lord is willing, when the author completes each short article, he will update the web link here so that readers can go to the short article they want to read at will.

Introduction (1) – Doubts from the Bible

Introduction (2) – Descriptive Power from the Holy Spirit

The Reasons for testing it comes from God

An Experience of Being Fooled

Reflection – Everything in the dream is positive, it is the Lord who judges me

The Evil One – the old evil monster in the sky who holds the dark power of death

Romans 7:21 — Where there is light, there is also evil

An unacceptable revelation to me

A Confusion and a Reply from the Lord

Who is in charge of the final touch in the cycle of spiritual disciplines?

The Testing Methods if it comes from God

1 John 4:1-6 — Discernment of spirits — By the name of the Lord Jesus

Tears moved by the glory of God

Job 33:15-18 — Soul’s Response to Temptation in Dreams

1 John 1:8-10 — Lord, I was wrong, please forgive me!

Philippians 2:10 — Willing to kneel before the Lord every day?

John 21:15 — Do you love me more than your logical thinking?

The benefits of reading a testimony before the throne of the Lord

Romans 8:16 — The Holy Spirit bearing witness in our heart

My Inner Cycle of Brothers and Sisters in Christ

1 Corinthians 4:7—So what if it’s all done? Gratitude or self-confidence?

Doubts from the Bible

It is recorded in the Bible that there are some people who are chosen by God and sent to fulfill His will, but in their life or at the end, they stray from God’s will. This makes me very confused. For example, King Solomon, God gave him wisdom that no one had ever done before, and no one would come after him. When Solomon built a temple for God and offered sacrifices to God, he said if Israel’s people sinned against God but were willing to repent and confess their sins, they would ask God to forgive them. God also accepted Solomon’s prayer by His mouth. King Solomon also lived in happiness and honor throughout his life because God’s wisdom was with him. But later, when Solomon was old, an emperor who had wisdom from God in his life led God’s people to worship foreign false gods. Even when God personally pronounced Solomon’s sins, he still refused to plead guilty, as if he knew that his sins were heinous. Solomon relied on his own wisdom from God and did not believe in God’s promises. The promise of as long as he was willing to repent, God would forgive him. Solomon could only make plans for himself and wanted to kill the person chosen by God. Protect his rights. Another example is Jehu in the Old Testament, who was chosen by God to be the king of Israel and ordered him to cut off King Ahab’s family and Jezebel because they allowed the Israelites to worship false gods, disobeyed God’s commands, and killed Naboth. take away his vineyard. But after Jehu completed the task assigned by God, it was recorded in Hosea 1:4:

And the Lord said to him, “Name him Jezreel; for in just a little while I will punish the house of Jehu for the bloodshed of Jezreel, and I will put an end to the kingdom of the house of Israel.”

What puzzles me the most is the man of God recorded in 1 Kings 13:1-32. God sent him to speak to Jeroboam, and He also told him not to eat or drink in that place, but I don’t understand why God allowed the old prophet to deceive the man of God, so that God because of his disobedience, he ate and drank water with the old prophet, God punished him and ordered a lion to kill him? Moreover, the true God who created heaven and earth seems to have known that the man of God would be like this early on, so he warned the man of God in advance. However, the man of God eventually died of his own decision and did not faithfully adhere to the words that Jehovah said to him. Is this, as Deuteronomy 13:3 says, God wants to test His servants to see if they will obey His words with all their heart and soul? Therefore, every sentence and word that God speaks to each of us as the servants who serve Him is related to our lives as servants. We cannot take it upon ourselves to claim to be working for the Lord but do so arbitrarily.

“you shall not listen to the words of that prophet or dreamer of dreams; for the Lord your God is testing you to find out whether you love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul.“

There are also some records in the Bible. Some people who faithfully follow God suddenly seem to be possessed by evil and do or say things that should not be done or said as God’s servants. For example, the Great King David, a servant who is said to follow God’s heart. God also blessed King David greatly, but once, actually seemed to have no struggle at all before committing adultery. It was more like his soul was deceived at that time, and he began to sin as he pleased and sinned against our God. What exactly is sin? It was so terrible that even a servant who was said to be after God’s own heart was defeated by his own selfish desires. He knew clearly that Bathsheba was the wife of Uriah, a loyal warrior to him, but he still committed adultery with her and found Uriah, someone who was absolutely loyal to him. King David persuaded him to go home and so to lay with his wife, and serve as a scapegoat for the scandalous things he had done. Then, after the scandal failed, he sent Uriah to battle to be killed by the enemies and took his wife. God was humiliated by His enemies because of this. Why would a righteous man after God’s own heart commit such a scandalous act that destroys his conscience?

In another example, Peter also advised Jesus not to go to Jerusalem to die, but the Lord rebuked Satan for using Peter to only please people. Peter was not insane, why was the Lord faced Peter and rebuked Satan? At that moment, was Peter still have consciense but was the devil taking the initiative? These Bible records make me confused. How is the definition of a spiritual person defined? And why do some spiritual people who originally walked in the footsteps of God suddenly become completely different and be deceived by the devil? At that moment, they seem to be a different person, or they may say something correct, but through Satan they speak? Moreover, it is recorded in Matthew 7:22-23 and 19:16-22 that some people preached, cast out demons and performed miracles in the name of the Lord throughout their lives. Isn’t it a good proof that the Lord with those people? But the Lord Jesus said to them at the last day: “I never knew you…” It is also recorded in Matthew 19:16-22 that a young ruler who claimed that he longed for eternal life. Because he couldn’t let go of his wealth, he gave up the hope of eternal life that he kept pursuing, and left the Lord sadly. How can we feel at ease and know that we are not just claiming to love the Lord, but that we are truly walking in the Lord and can be with Him forever, instead of deceiving ourselves and others, living in our own dreams, and doing everything according to our own will? , everything is beautiful? Living in the church and being recognized, accepted and supported by other Christians for “faithful service”, occasionally talking about this injustice, laughing at that evil, waiting to retire and enjoy happiness, waiting to return to heaven? Readers, please do not misunderstand. The author admires people who sincerely serve God, and I also like the happiness and joy that comes when serving the Lord. However, the doubts I see in reading the Bible make me want to find out. , why do God’s servants have mishaps midway and abandon the Lord’s way? How can this situation be solved?

The author is a middle-aged person with “a lot of questions”. After repenting, every time I have questions while reading the Bible, I am eager to know how to answer them so that those questions will no longer appear in my mind. But when I asked other Christians my questions, they had very different responses. Some would honestly say to me, “I don’t know.” Some would lead me to a dream world of birds singing and flowers fragrant in their words. Everything in the dream was good, except after waking up from there, I found that I was still in the same place. If I continued to ask, some people would ask me: “Why do you want to ask me these questions? You have to have faith. As long as you believe, you shall not ask many questions so that you will stay in faith.” But I don’t know where the source of faith for those Christians comes from? Is it because you don’t know that so you have to believe it? What exactly do they want me to believe? Some people seem to have a pair of eyes in their souls, with the eyeballs pointing upward and reflecting white. I don’t know why? It seems that a Christian has too many questions, which are manifestations of lack of faith, abnormality, and taboos. Later, I became impatient. Since others had confidence, I did not. Moreover, those problems seemed to be carved in my heart and often surfaced. I began to ask God, and unintentionally, I entered into the Lord’s promise without knowing it. As recorded in Psalm 27:4, Isaiah 65:1, and Matthew 7:7:

“One thing I have asked of the LORD, that I shall seek after:
that I may dwell in the house of the LORD all the days of my life,
To gaze upon the beauty of the LORD
and to inquire in His temple.“ (English Standard Version)

“I permitted Myself to be sought by those who did not ask for Me;
I permitted Myself to be found by those who did not seek Me.
I said, ‘Here am I, here am I,’
To a nation which did not call on My name.

“Ask, and it will be given to you; seek, and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you.“

Therefore, I love Jehovah, the Creator of heaven and earth, because He heard my voice with many questions and my pleas. He did not look down on me because of my many questions but had mercy on me. When the word of the Lord of hosts is opened, it gives light and gives understanding to the simple like me. Since He has opened His ear to me, I will call upon Him all my life.

Next: Descriptive power from the Holy Spirit

Table Of Contents

Previous: Tour Group in Heaven

A Letter to My Dad (Part 3 of 3)

Dad, bringing Mom together with you and going with me to that newer and the most beautiful heavenly world preparing for the children of God. I want to see you all in there. Why do you believe in reincarnation? Why do you want to live again as a human or an animal with uncertainty about what you will become in this world? Why do you want to start all over in a new life again and fight for survival for the rest of it? Is it really good? Come with me to the world of heaven, the holy city, a world whose walls are made of jasper and the city was pure gold like clear glass. The foundation stones of the city wall were decorated with every kind of precious stone. The first foundation stone was jasper; the second, sapphire; the third, chalcedony; the fourth, emerald; the fifth, sardonyx; the sixth, sardius; the seventh, chrysolite; the eighth, beryl; the ninth, topaz; the tenth, chrysoprase; the eleventh, jacinth; the twelfth, amethyst. And the twelve gates were twelve pearls; each one of the gates was a single pearl. And the street of the city was pure gold, like transparent glass. In the middle of its street is a river of the water of life. On either side of the river was the tree of life, bearing twelve kinds of fruit, yielding its fruit every month; and the leaves of the tree were for the healing of the nations. There will no longer be any curse, and the throne of God and of the Lamb (Jesus) will be in it. And there will no longer be any night; and they will not need the light of a lamp nor the light of the sun, because the Lord God will illuminate them, and they will reign forever and ever. There is no temple in the city because the Heavenly Father and the Lord Jesus are the temples of the city. The cowardly, unbelieving, abominable, murders, sexually immoral persons, sorcerers, idolaters, and most important all liars, shall not enter into the holy city, except only those whose names are written in the book of life of the Trinity God who created heaven and earth, can enter. Since there is a better world, why don’t you go with me and see it yourself, you can think of taking a trip with me, going to heaven for a visit? Dad, if you don’t like the holy city, when I leave this world to get there, I have already talked to my Lord Jesus, I’ll follow you wherever you go and never leave you. On earth, I did not listen to what God said in Exodus 20:12: “Honor your father and your mother, so that your days may be prolonged on the land which the LORD your God gives you.” Doing my duty as the firstborn son. For whatever reason, it was my fault for not obeying the Creator. Before I repented, I tried all my efforts to make you and my family not walking in the same living style. Dad, you don’t have to be unhappy, my family has the Spirit of the Lord in their hearts. My son, your grandson, even if he cannot fully understand it now, will love you from his heart in the future. And in eternity, I will never leave you again. When your grandson returns to his heavenly home, he will also understand that what I said today is pleasing to the Lord. Dad, you may question me, being too deeply brainwashed by Christianity, how do you know that world really exists? Dad, because the Lord Jesus really lives in my heart, as long as every day, when I kneel before Him, the blood of the Lord Jesus covers me, and I drive away the evil thoughts in my heart by the name of the Lord Jesus. There will also be turmoil in my heart, then my Lord Jesus has not left me. He has not left me, then He has not said a promise that He cannot keep. So, what the Lord Jesus promised, He will definitely do.

John 14:1-4 records:
“Do not let your hearts be troubled; believe in God, believe also in Me.
In My Father’s house are many rooms; if that were not so, I would have told you, because I am going there to prepare a place for you.
And if I go and prepare a place for you, I am coming again and will take you to Myself, so that where I am, there you also will be.
And you know the way where I am going.”

Although I have never visited the kingdom of heaven, because my Lord Jesus has never forsaken me and forgiven my sins, I can trust Him. Dad, every person who can enter the kingdom of heaven must start by accepting the Son of God—the Lord Jesus. When he admits that he does not know Him, or when he admits that he knows Him, but still sins and offends Him at will, we must ask Him to forgive us. Accepting the Holy Spirit into our hearts, learning to obey the calls of the Holy Spirit, and letting Him teach us to reject evil and choose good, only then can we enter the kingdom of heaven and gain eternal life. In the Bible, the Spirit of God once spoke the following words to a person:

Luke 1:77-79 records:
“To give His people the knowledge of salvation
By the forgiveness of their sins,
Because of the tender mercy of our God,
With which the Sunrise from on high will visit us
To shine on those who sit in darkness and the shadow of death,
To guide our feet into the way of peace.“

For many people, eternal life is just a direct golden ticket to the kingdom of heaven. It is just a guarantee. Those who have never asked the Lord Jesus for forgiveness will not know from the bottom of their hearts that the kingdom of heaven is real, looking forward going to there and meeting the Creator. And the Lord Jesus said in John 3:5:

“Jesus answered, “Truly, truly, I say to you, unless someone is born of water and the Spirit, he cannot enter the kingdom of God.”

I am not God, and I cannot judge arbitrarily. Whether a person can be saved is the power of the Lord Jesus. However, everything that we, Christians, do, think, and say in this world has been recorded by the Creator, and we will definitely be judged when the Lord Jesus returns. Some people will be saved as if they were burned by fire. There is a part of us that the Lord Jesus will tell that He does not know them. Those who are born by the Holy Spirit are the least to worry about because they will continue to experience God’s grace and mercy. The hidden things in their hearts will be revealed by the Holy Spirit, driving us to ask for forgiveness and repentance. Only then will our souls be awakened from it, knowing that we were originally living in the hands of the evil one, self-righteous, but the Lord Jesus still did not give up on us. Only because we understand this undeserved love will we, the Christians, choose to go to the embrace of the Creator. Only such a person has the greatest security and can enter the kingdom of heaven with certainty.

So, Dad, you must admit that you have offended God. If you are not convinced, you can ask the Lord Jesus to replay in your heart all the sins you have done in your life. The Lord will let you know. It is similar to what I asked the Lord Jesus, “Lord, am I free before You?” He then let me lightly and dimly see myself within my heart of my past, let the LORD be blasphemed by the enemy. So that, I can ask Him to forgive me. (The details are recorded in Do I have to seek your advice first?) Don’t be afraid, Dad. The true God who created heaven and earth did it out of kindness so that we humans can see in our hearts that we have offended Him. There will be fear in the first few times, and gradually you will know that the Spirit of God is doing this because of His love for us. The Creator is not like some Christians who have never repented and confessed their sins saying, “We are the children of God, and we will not be judged by God at the end.” Only those who have never asked or forgotten forgiveness from the Lord Jesus will be blinded by the evil one because of the fear that comes from the wounded spirit in their heart. And turned them arrogant and said such words. God does not consider sin innocent. Only when we are forgiven, we, human beings, will have the opportunity to overcome the evil thoughts in our hearts by relying on the guidance of the Holy Spirit, the blood of the Lord Jesus, and by the name of the Lord Jesus. Dad, the God who created the heaven and the earth, He really loves you, if not, my Lord will not remind me again and again! 1 Samuel 15:29 is what He said to God’s people: “Also the Glory of Israel will not lie nor change His mind; for He is not a man, that He would change His mind.” Dad, please don’t be worried and come with me to see Him. All of us in the world, whether willing or not, cannot escape in the end to face the Creator and be judged by our God. I am your eldest son, Dad, follow me and meet our Creator, okay? I was a person who could even give up my own life for my own selfish desires and resentment, just to take revenge on my father. The Lord Jesus still did not abandon me, saved me from resentment, and gave me the grace of regeneration. Also, accept me as His disciple and friend, so He will not abandon you. It is because He once said the following passage and because He did what He said and never abandoned me!

Ezekiel 18:21-23 records:
“But if the wicked person turns from all his sins which he has committed and keeps all My statutes and practices justice and righteousness, he shall certainly live; he shall not die.
All his offenses which he has committed will not be remembered against him; because of his righteousness which he has practiced, he will live.
Do I take any pleasure in the death of the wicked,” declares the Lord GOD, rather than that he would turn from his ways and live?”

Don’t pay attention to what other people say, God loves my sidings, mother, and you. Because 1 Timothy 1:15-16 records:

“It is a trustworthy statement, deserving full acceptance, that Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners, among whom I am foremost. Yet for this reason I found mercy, so that in me as the foremost sinner Jesus Christ might demonstrate His perfect patience as an example for those who would believe in Him for eternal life.”

I believe that what the Lord Jesus said to me directly will lead me to see all of you to truly know Him. He will rescue all of you from the evil one. If one of you is unwilling to accept the Lord Jesus, confess your sins and repent, you will not be able to leave me alone especially you, Dad. Whether you accept the Lord Jesus or not or are willing or unwilling to go to the kingdom of heaven with me, you cannot abandon me anymore. I have already told the Lord Jesus that I just want to go to the Kingdom of Heaven after leaving this world, to see the home that the Lord has prepared for His people, to see His face, and to ask Him to take me back walking through my entire life again. Let me know what is really happening behind the scenes in some situations, and I will be satisfied. Then, I would rather be with you and be by your side in eternity, whether you choose to live forever or die forever. I, your son, do not have such ability to do what I say. Don’t forget that my Lord Jesus is the true God who created heaven and earth. When He established the laws of the universe, Dad, you and I were not born in this world yet. He can send me to hell, the lake of fire, if He wants to. Now, people all over the world know that I have made a promise to you, do you think I can deny it in front of the true God who created the world? Even then, if I really regretted it, I couldn’t change what I said to the Lord. In front of the true God who created the world, it is impossible to make any change to my promise to you, not to mention that all readers will also testify for me. So, no matter what, you will see me in eternal life or eternal death. At that time, I don’t have to go to work, I have eternal life, and I will be with you. Accept the Lord Jesus, Dad, admit that you did not know Him before, and sinned against Him. Come with me to the kingdom of heaven and meet the true God who created heaven and earth. Dad, in this way, you can prevent me from going to the space of eternal death to meet you. I couldn’t possibly avoid venting that you were so stupid not to believe in the Lord Jesus and accept Him. I will not give you a good time. Dad, go to heaven with me, lest you want to look at my dissatisfied face in eternity.

What’s more, the Lord Jesus once promised me that if I stick to the way He has taught me to endure, when people in the world are being tested, He will keep me from my trials. If I hold on to what He has given me, there is still a crown reserved for me. Although I don’t know why the Lord will prepare a crown for me as an ordinary person and a sinner like me, He can actually have many choices. Choose someone who is better or smarter, or has a lot of knowledge or eloquence, and they are all better than me. So, Dad, I think that day, you will be proud of your son because of the day the Creator gives me the crown, share with me the glory that the Creator possibly gives to your son, okay? In my life, the number of times you have spoken to me is beyond the count of ten fingers. I still have many things that happened to me, and I want to share with you that you will not understand now. You won’t understand until you have experienced forgiveness and regeneration as I have. Dad, when I was young, I followed you and my mother, going here and there. Now I am longing for you to follow me and go to heaven with me. Dad, take Mom, accept the Lord Jesus as your Savior, admit that you have offended Him, and ask Him to forgive you. As long as we are willing to repent, the Lord will certainly forgive us, and He will do what He says. Moreover, we human beings can’t rely on what we know to overcome evil. You don’t have to worry, no one in this world can abandon evil and choose well in his life. What’s more, we don’t even know what sin is. If the Lord hadn’t told me to walk the narrow path, telling me that His precious blood is enough for me, and telling me that by His name, the evil thoughts in my heart can be driven away, how would I, an ignorant person, know? The Lord Jesus is the only begotten son of the true God who created heavens, earth, and all things. He has great power to help those who believe in Him, to abandon evil and choose good, and to be reborn as a man. The Lord Jesus does not need us to do any good deeds to accept us, He only needs us to trust Him. He will let the Holy Spirit lead us to repent and confess our sins in our life and walk toward His narrow path. Dad, believe me, follow me to accept the Lord Jesus as your Savior. The worst outcome is that you will have me by your side, together in the lake of eternal death; but the best outcome is that our family, mom and you, and my younger brothers and sisters, including my son, your grandson, are also in the kingdom of heaven. Dad, share with me what God has prepared for me. Believe in Jesus, follow me to that newer and the most beautiful holy city for eternal life!

Next: Assurance From Heaven – “I AM”

Table Of Contents

Previous: A Letter to My Dad (Part 2 of 3)

Descriptive power from the Holy Spirit – A Moment of Eternal Light (I) – Part 3 of 3 (May 1, 2024)

Doubts from the Bible – A Moment of Eternal Light (I) – Part 3 of 3 (April 15, 2024)

Tour Group in Heaven (Feb 25, 2024)

Postscript – A Moment of Eternal Light (I)-Part 2 of 3 (Feb 8, 2024)

A Moment of Eternal Light (I) – Part 2 of 3 (Jan 31, 2024)

A Moment of Eternal Light (I) – Part 1 of 3 (Dec 26, 2023)

Postscript – Assurance From Heaven – “I AM” (Dec 3, 2023)

Assurance From Heave – “I AM” (Sept 29, 2023)

A Letter to My Dad (Part 3 of 3) (Jan 24, 2023)

A Letter to My Dad (Part 2 of 3) (Jan 8, 2023)

A Letter to My Dad (Part 1 of 3) (Jan 8, 2023)

One Thought Repent Longing to Heaven (4) – By the Name of the Lord Jesus (Part 3 Of 3) (Nov 7, 2022)

One Thought Repent Longing to Heaven (4) – By the Name of the Lord Jesus (Part 2 Of 3) (Oct 31, 2022)

One Thought Repent Longing to Heaven (4) – By The Name of the Lord Jesus (Part 1 Of 3) (Oct 28, 2022)

One Thought Repent Longing to Heaven (4) – The Precious Blood of Jesus is covering me (Sep 11, 2022)

One Thought Repent Longing to Heaven(4) – The Lord’s Anointing is in My Heart (Sep 11, 2022)

What is LOVE? (2 of 2) (Jun 18, 2022)

What is LOVE? (1 of 2) (Jun 18, 2022)

One Thought Repent Longing to Heaven (3) (Mar 28, 2023)

One Thought Repent Longing to Heaven (2) (Mar 28, 2022)

One Thought Repent Longing to Heaven (1) (Mar 28, 2022)

One Thought Sinking into Hell (Part 2 of 2) (Mar 28, 2022)

One Thought Sinking into Hell (Part 1 of 2) (Mar 27, 2022)

Struck down, but not destroyed (Part 4 of 4) (May 19, 2021)

Struck down, but not destroyed (Part 3 of 4) (May 13, 2021)

Struck down, but not destroyed (Part 2 of 4) (May 19, 2021)

Struck down, but not destroyed (Part 1 of 4) (May 5, 2021)

Preface – Internal Visualization of Testimony, the Calling from Holy Spirit? (Mar 19, 2021)

Do I have to seek your advice first? (Feb 6, 2021)

Do I have to seek your advice first?

This was what Holy Spirit told me. It is the best using it to conclude my lesson learned from Holy Spirit from Year 2019 and 2020.

Even though I repented through the touch by the unconditional love of God at the beginning of Year 2019, I still judged and managed my relationship with others by my own personal preferences. Let me give you an example to illustrate my point. When the son of a Christian friend of mine and my son had a play date together, my friend’s son got angry during the game and pushed my son down on the floor. While my son was still crying in the arms of my wife, my friend came to us and said, “If your son like to play with my son, he has to be ready for this kind of situation.” After he said that, he turned and walked away without even asking if my son was ok. After I heard what my friend said, I was very angry internally and asked myself why the children of God with Holy Spirit living within them could say this kind of thing. Afterward, there was a lot of the accusing voice came to my heart and I picked them all up without hesitation. I judged my friend as a hypocrite that cleaning the outside of the cup but inside is full of proud and selfishness. I classified him as one of the people who did not yet repent in front of our God. After a long while, my friend changed suddenly. He became very respectful and not quite selfish anymore. I were very surprised by his change all in sudden and could not figure out why he did not act like what I thought he was anymore. Then, at that moment of puzzling, a small little whispering came to my heart from nowhere. It was Holy Spirit asking me a question. He said, “If I want him to change according to my timetable, do I have to seek your advice first?” At that moment, I aware that I were self-righteous and had sin against my God because of my personal preferences towards others. As it is written on James 4:11-12:

“Do not speak against one another, brothers and sisters. The one who speaks against a brother or sister, or judges his brother or sister, speaks against the law and judges the law; but if you judge the law, you are not a doer of the law but a judge of it.
There is only one Lawgiver and Judge, the One who is able to save and destroy; but who are you, judging your neighbor?”

I said in my heart to my God that “My Lord, I am a sinner. Please forgive me!” Even I said this to my God, the wrong doings of that brother still came to my mind quite often. I did not want to be dragged into those negative feelings again because I remembered that my Lord Jesus had forgiven my sin. Even with the good will and strength of mine, I still not quite easily escaped from those negative feelings. One day while I read Luke 6:27-37, it said,

“Love your enemies, … pray for those who are abusive to you. … Do not judge, and you will not be judged; and do not condemn, and you will not be condemned. Pradon, and you will be pradoned.”

And then later, I read Luke 6:46-48, it said,

“Why do you call me, ‘Lord, Lord.’ And do not do what I say? Everyone who comes to Me and hears My words and acts on them. … He is like a man building a house, who dug deep and laid a foundation on the rock; and when there was a flood, the river burst against that house and yet it could not shake it, because it had been well built.”

While I read the above, the struggle I had with the negative feelings came to my mind again. Then, I realized that Holy Spirit was reminding me what I should do against the negative feelings came to my mind. Also, what a missionary shared with me in the past came to my mind on how he commanded the negative feelings away from his heart by the name of our Lord Jesus. It was not the first time that Holy Spirit let me remember naturally what the missionary said. Therefore, I tried to command the negative feelings about my friend by the name of my Lord Jesus and then prayed for my friend and me when he came to my mind again. What I discovered is that it is truth! Those negative feelings were not getting my attention and eventually disappeared after I commanded them going away by the name of my Lord Jesus. If I did think I were right about those judgements and willingly pick them up again, they will not go away. Those negative feelings would still surface in my mind and try to conquer me. Then, Holy Spirit sometimes told me to bow down and pray to ask for forgiveness. When I was willing to do that and ask for forgiveness, those negative feelings would then go away. After I started praying for those brothers and sisters in Christ that did not come to my mind in good term, I discovered that I were growing more and more longing to see my Lord Jesus in heaven one day in eternity. I am longing to see the One who is speaking to me only a few seconds every time in my heart and teaching me how to deal with different things or hardships in my life. I want to say Thank you to Him in person with my own lips.

Although I could bow down to read the Scriptures and pray every day in the morning and evening, I still doubted from time to time that I were not changed completely by my God through Holy Spirit. Would it still be an illusion? Would I fall back to what I behaved as a self-righteous and self-seeking person again? The doubts were brothering me in my heart for a while. Until April 1 in Year 2019, I read John 8:36. It said:

“So if the Son sets you free, you really will be free.”

I asked in my heart to my God, “Am I free in front of you, my Lord?” A few weeks later, I was reading 2 Samuel 12:14. While I read “However, since by this deed you have shown utter disrespect for the LORD,”, there were some blurry pictures appeared in my mind. I was very afraid from the bottom of my heart and broken with sorrow and tears. My direct instinct was telling me that I did something in the past that shown utter disrespect for the LORD. I cried for a few minutes on the floor and kept asking my Lord to forgive me. For the next two days, my mind was kept thinking what I did that caused such a disgrace to my God who loves me so much. Then, there was a message came to my mind like wind from nowhere. The meaning of the message was telling me that “Let it go. I just wanted you to know that you had shown utter disrespect for Me. Do not do it again.” But from my heart, I said, “My Lord, how can I not do it again if I don’t know what I did?” Then, there was another message came to my mind. It was telling me that “you will not do it again if you love me.” At that moment, my tears came out from my eyes. I said to my God, “My Lord, I love! I love you!” If my Lord does not love me, He can let me see exactly what I did in the past in my mind. He could then judge me accordingly and He did not do that. It
is because my Lord truly loves me. He did not put my guilt as of no guilt. When I asked my Lord whether I am free in front of Him, He let me see a blurred vision of my guilt. Then, I had an opportunity to ask for forgiveness in front of Him and He then could forgive me. In my whole life on earth, I will not know what I did to cause utter disrespect to my Lord. It may because of my curiosity or because of my guilt. Even up to now, I still hope to ask my Lord in person about what I did that caused that disgrace to Him when I go back to the heavenly home. There were some brothers in Christ trying to encourage me and said, “Don’t feel guilty anymore. Let it go. Our God had forgiven you.” But one day when I read 2 Corinthians 7:10-11 and it said:

“For the sorrow that is according to the will of God produces a repentance without regret, leading to salvation, but the sorrow of the world produces death.
For behold what earnestness this very thing, this godly sorrow, has produced in you: what vindication of yourselves, what indignation, what fear, what longing, what zeal, what punishment of wrong! In everything you demonstrated yourselves to be innocent in the matter.”

Because of this, I am keeping this experience of forgiveness of my sin from God as a healed wound with a scar. It is also as a reminder to myself on how much my Lord loves me and so I will be reminded not to use my personal preferences against the will of God on me in the future. I shared this forgiveness experience with some other Christians. Some of them were just smiling at me and turned their eyes upward for a second. As if I saw in their facial expression that they said, “Give me a break! God talked to you and you said that He forgave your sins?” Also, there was a Christian came to me in person quietly when no one was around me and told me that “Let me share with you a little secret. You only have to ask for forgiveness one time and you will not need to ask for forgiveness again in your life. It was because our God had forgiven all your sins.” I feel a little bit strange of what he said because it was not what I understand from the Scriptures about forgiveness and repentance. Also, why it would be a little secret? Why would he not say it in front of other Christians and Pastors but came to me quietly to tell me that? Therefore, I prayed to God and asked why he told me that idea. Afterwards, while I read NIV version of Romans 16:17-18 and it said:

“I urge you, brothers and sisters, to watch out for those who cause divisions and put obstacles in your way that are contrary to the teaching you have learned. Keep away from them.
For such people are not serving our Lord Christs, but their own appetites. By smooth talk and flattery they deceive the minds of naïve people.”

At that moment of reading the Scriptures, I remembered what I asked my God about the brother who shared with me his little secret. I had a sudden realization that he might think I am a naïve person, a silly man! The feeling of being treated as a silly man made my anger growing gradually inside. For quite some time, the words that that Christian shared with me about “one for all” forgiveness and repentance came very often to my mind while I was reading the Scriptures or during prayers. I would think of how to tell him what he said was wrong and the reason for a long time. It was to the point that affecting the
quality of my time reading the Scriptures and my hope to meet with my Lord. One day when I read Mark 4:14-15 and it said:

“The farmer sows the word.
Some people are like seed along the path, where the word is sown. As soon as they hear it, Satan comes and takes away the word that was sown in them.”

While I was reading it, the picture of mine reading the Scriptures but unable to remember what I read from the Scripture afterwards came to my mind again. Then, I realized that the seed was taken by Satan from my heart; however, the negative feeling of being treated as a silly man kept coming to my mind. Until I realized that the consequence of picking up those negative feeling was too high in terms of the quality time with my God during prayers and Scriptures reading, I started to ask my Lord to help me when those negative feelings came again. One day a message came to my mind. It was the answer of Holy Spirit to me saying this, “My blood is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” So, I tried to ask the precious blood of my Lord Jesus to cover my sin so that I could focus to read the Scriptures and pray to Him with the hope that my Lord could listen to my prayers in His Heavenly Throne. When the negative feelings about what that Christian said to me came again, I would have the willingness to pray for him and ask my Lord to have mercy on me and on him. Then, I discovered that it was a promised treasure from my God to me that He asked me to pray for my enemies and the others that were not quite lovable to me. It is because the prayers for those people will halt the negative feelings coming to my mind and stop affecting the quality time of my praying and Scriptures reading time. Afterwards, I read 1 John 5:8, it said:

“the Spirit, the water and the blood; and the three are in agreement.”

The New King James Version said it much clear.

“And there are three that bear witness on earth, the Spirit, and the water, and blood: and these three agree as one.”

While I were reading it, I remembered most of the time up to now, I still feel my soul/spirit was shaking like water pouring into a red-hot frying pan. So, I realized that it was truth the three were in agreements in me. The following is my understanding without asking my God. I do have peace from above to share with you. I hope in the future, while I am reading the Scriptures again, Holy Spirit can confirm with me through His words of this understanding. The water is representing the repentance of sins through our Lord Jesus. Holy Spirit and the precious blood of Jesus are in agreement to review the truth and expose the sinful nature of sin from my flesh to me so that I can ask my Lord to forgive me. My Lord will use His precious blood to cover my sin as He promised and lead me going back to Him walking with Him in my whole life. This is my understanding.

Holy Spirit reviewed to me many times that He did not need me to use wise words or knowledge to witness Him. He only instructed me to tell all He had done on me plainly to others. How He reviewed my sins to me. How I asked for forgiveness and how He gave me strength and power to overcome my own sins. I only needed to share this plainly. He will witness Himself as a living God to the chosen others according to His plan and time. They will not see anything from me but Him and Him alone as a living God. I struggled for a long time inside because I asked “Could I witness you using something better other than telling others how bad I was and how you forgave me? My Lord, I still have a little bit of social status that I do not want to trash it into the garbage tank.” For a while, Holy Spirit still reminded me that I shall not be ashamed of the gospel that saved me. One day, while I read Romans 11:33-34, it said:

“Oh, the depth of the riches, both of the wisdom and knowledge of God! How unsearchable are His judgements and unfathomable His ways!
For WHO HAS KNOW THE MIND OF THE LORD, OR WHO BECAME HIS COUNSELOR?”

I remembered my struggle and what Holy Spirit reviewed to me. Then, I understood that my Lord did not need me to use wise words to witness Him. Even with this understanding, I were still worry that I were out of my mind as I did not see often Christians using this way of telling plainly to witness God. Am I walking into the dead corner of my mind? Later, I read John 7:18, it said:

“The one who speaks from himself seeks his own glory; but He who is seeking the glory of the One who sent Him, He is true, and there is no unrighteousness in Him.”

I remembered my concern naturally while I were reading the above Scriptures. Then, I knew that Holy Spirit was responding to my concern. From then on, I become fully clear that I will only have to tell others plainly of how my Lord is leading me going towards Him. This is what my Lord is asking me to do.

Do you see Jesus in my life? Do you know that Jesus is the living God who is living in every children of God on earth? Did the One who made the outside not make the inside also? The spirit of a person is the lamp of the LORD, Searching all the innermost parts of his being. Do you know when our Lord Jesus return on earth again, He will both bring to light the things hidden in the darkness and disclose the motives of human hearts?

The heart of human beings is the most troublesome container on earth. When people said something that our heart did not like, we would think that they were talking about us. When people said something that we felt lacking, we would think automatically that who do you think you are. How dare you said this to me? Do you think you are God or so holy that can say this to me? Please do not too quick to make this kind of statement in your heart. Who am I with any power that can cause the flashback of some unpleasant memory popped up in your mind again? If it was not me with any supernatural power, do you think it may be Holy Spirit trying to review something and speak to you? You can ask our God within your heart and He will answer you. It is because the one who seeks finds, and to the one who knocks it will be opened.

In the past, I was blind. God had mercy on me forgiving my sins. I got this undeserved Grace from God and He opened my eyes to understand what His salvation is. He healed my heart and reviewed to me what is God’s love? God demonstrates His own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us on the cross. With His precious blood to cover our sins, we can make peace with God and walking with Him every day on earth for our eternal life.

If the reader knew me and I had hurt you in anyway in the past, I sincerely apologize to you. Please forgive me! My God has forgiven my sins. Please do not make the mistake that I made in the past. Being self-righteous and being asked by Holy Spirit the question of “If I want him to change according to my timetable, do I have to seek your advice first?”

Do you know what Apostle Paul said in 1 Timothy 1:15-17 was truth and his personal experience? I have a very thick skin on my face and do not feel shameful to borrow this Scriptures. Adding together with
my personal experience, I used the following to conclude what I learned from my God in the last two years.

“Here is a trustworthy saying that deserves full acceptance: Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners – of whom I do not even know what I did that shown utter disrespect for the LORD. But for that very reason I was shown mercy so that in me, the worst of sinners, Christ Jesus might display His immense patience as an example for those who would believe in Him and receive eternal life. Now to the King eternal, immortal, invisible, the only God, be honor and glory for ever and ever, Amen!”

Next: Preface – Internal Visualization of Testimony, the Calling from Holy Spirit?

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