一念沉淪落地獄(上)

我的兒子，一個創造天地萬物的神，所說的話是「言出法隨」的。以我們中國人的意思，大概是創造主只要說出口的話，整個宇宙天地中的規律和法則，也會隨著祂所說的話的方向，去成就創造主（耶和華）曾經對人所說的話，以致不會落空。正如以賽亞書55:11節所說的：
「我（耶和華）口所出的話也必如此， 決不徒然返回， 卻要成就我所喜悅的， 在我發他去成就的事上必然亨通。」
所以祂有否真的籍著聖靈對你說話，是十分重要的。

兒子，我當初是很難明白聖靈是怎樣對我說話的，或者再簡單一些的說，就算聖靈在我心裏想和我對話，我也不明白，常常在心裏擦身而過也不知道。我將那些聖靈對我說話的途徑和一些重要的經歷，寫在這篇文章中，作為你以後成長中的提醒，你要將爸爸對你所說的經歷，謹記在心裏，要自己去體會耶穌基督降世，為要拯救罪人，因為世人都犯了罪，虧缺了神的榮耀，是什麼的一回事。願神保守你的心懷意念，不會因靈魂受虧損而害怕向祂認罪悔改，神曾經在聖經裏多處的地方，應許必定赦免，直到再見祂面的日子。

兒子，這一封信，我將它分成四部，第一部命名為「一念沉淪落地獄」，第二部是「一念悔改盼天家」，第三和第四部分別為「給爸爸的信」和「給兒子的信」。一二兩部也分為數個大約是每個約五分鐘閱讀時間的分部，方便你和讀者以後閱讀。在最後我有些說話，想對你說，你現在是不會明白的，但我想寫下來，留給你將來去看，我也需要所有的讀者來見證耶穌基督是活著永生神的兒子，所以我放進互聯網上，讓讀者與我一同作見證。這也是爸爸寫給你的爺爺看的，你的爺爺不相信主耶穌是神的兒子，我對著你的爺爺，也不知道怎樣說才能讓他聽完我因為主耶穌怎樣令我悔改認罪的經歷，所以我寫給他看。爸爸，請你耐心看完這封信，當作是我的請求，可以嗎？在這封信的最後部份，我有些說話想對你說。

兒子，你還記得聖靈第一次對爸爸所說的話嗎？若你記不起，可以重新再閲讀爸爸之前所寫的「打倒了，卻不致死亡（上）」，內裏有詳細記載當時的情況。當時，聖靈對爸爸說：「當信主耶穌，你和你一家都必得救。」但是在那之後，一段很漫長的歲月，爸爸也不知道，這究竟是多麼大的恩典！天父籍著聖靈，在將來要發生在我父家的事情以先，預先對我的提醒，好叫爸爸在事情發生以後，能夠回想起天父的應許，可以因祂對我所說的話去相信祂，去認罪悔改，去投靠祂而得著永生的確據！

要說明以上所說的，我雖要讓你知道我悔改的經歷。爸爸是在一個拜偶像的家庭長大，我有兩個姐姐和一個弟弟。我在中學的時候，是我的大姐姐，帶我認識和接受主耶穌，作為我的救主的。你的爺爺嫲嫲，在我們年紀很小的時候，曾經為我們去占卜問前程，那占卜的對他們說，將來你們的小兒子會十分聰明的。結果我的弟弟是真的很聰明，他能夠一邊看電視節目，一邊溫習，也能夠考取好成績。我的弟弟，後來去了加拿大一個內陸省份去讀醫科。他真的很聰明，但精明計較的思想，卻比較難於相處，特別是與女孩子相處，做朋友容易，相處相愛卻比較困難。不知在那一天，他的腦海裏出現了這樣的一個念頭，會否我不喜歡女孩子，卻是喜歡男孩子的呢？結果，他在報紙上，看到一則男孩子徵求出租房間給另外一個男生的廣告，當我的弟弟，住進那房子以後，他便成為一個男同性戀者，而且自稱昰天生有男同性戀傾向的。後來我的弟弟來到美國生活，當爸爸二十年前來到美國的那一天，是他來車站迎接我，當我到了他家中，他便對我說，他喜歡男性，不喜歡女性。那天，爸爸有那種晴天霹靂的感覺，心裏面只是不斷的問自己，為甚麼會這樣？？？當我第二天，早上起床的時候，那哀傷的眼淚才能從眼中流出來。

後來，我在弟弟的家中寄居了一年的時間，我曾經嘗試用自己能想到的辨法，試圖改變他，我也曾邀請他回到我當時的基督教會中，希望他可能會因為神的愛，又或者因基督徒之間的愛護和互相關懷，而離開同性戀的生活。當他好像在青少年團契當中，有屬於自己的朋友的時候，我的心中，也是好像找到了一絲的希望，或者他會慢慢的改變過來。但是，當有一天，我在閱讀新約聖經猶大書23節的時候，那裏說：

「有些人你們要從火中搶出來，搭救他們：有些人你們要存懼怕的心憐憫他們，連那被情慾沾染的衣服也當厭惡。」

閱讀的時候，我有一種心悸的感覺出現，我好像看見自己弟弟的影像，令我十分恐懼！我問自己為何會這樣？但因找不到答案，久而久之便忘記了。但是，過不多的時候，當我閱讀撒母耳記上2:33-34和3:12-13節的時候，

「我必不從我壇前滅盡你家中的人；那未滅的必使你眼目乾癟，心中憂傷。你家中所生的人都必死在中年。
你的兩個兒子何弗尼，非尼哈所遭遇的事，可作你的證據；他們二人必一日同死。」

「我指着以利家所說的話，到了時候，我必始終應驗在以利身上。
我曾告訴他必永遠降罰與他的家，因他知道兒子作孽，自招咒詛，卻不禁止他們。」

我弟弟的樣子，這次清澈的出現在我的腦海中，而且心中有一種十分强烈的心悸感出現，好像若是我不阻止一些事情的話，在我父家中將有一些重大而且可怕的事情會發生。後來經過查證，原來我的弟弟，也不知道是因為你爺爺嫲嫲的默許或提議，或是自己也希望可以改變過來，覺得只要自己和異性結婚，通過婚姻關係，便能脫離同性戀的生活。加上他是一個年青的醫生，在教會團契中，也有一些女性的團友願意和他聯絡，做朋友。我曾經試過向我弟弟和知道這事情的父母求證，結果自然是不歡而散。我不知道那時候我的心情和動機是怎樣，直到現在我也不知道，但我只是記得，那時候，我心裏有一份從來也未有過的恐懼，驅使我無論如何，也絕對不能讓那些可怕的事情發生。在掙扎一輪以後，我親身和我弟弟在教會團契以前，叫他在一旁對他說，叫他離開教會團契，不要再回來。我弟弟曾經嘗試想從你的媽媽那裏，知道我為何會這樣決絕，當你媽媽對他說，這是你的哥哥從聖經裏，被聖靈感動所得知的，他便沒有多說甚麼而離開了。而且，我為了確保我弟弟沒有暗地裏，和我們教會中青年團契的女團友來往，我也向教會的牧師說了這事情，後來在牧師的提議下，也向那青年團契的一位和我弟弟較親近的女團友，提醒她我的弟弟有些私人的問題，以後不會再回來教會團契了。教會的牧者，也在處理好我弟弟離開教會之後，或者不知道怎樣處理我，其實我不能怪責他們，因為在那過程中，爸爸那自以為是的陰喑面浮現了出來，但那種好像被過橋抽板，被利用完就被拋棄了的憤怒想法，卻常常在心裏和腦海中浮現。

創世紀4:6-7節説得很好，

耶和華對該隱說：「你為什麼發怒呢？你為什麼變了臉色呢？
你若行得好，豈不蒙悅納？你若行得不好，罪就伏在門前。它必戀慕你，你卻要制伏它。」

一念沉淪落地獄(下)

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打倒了，卻不致死亡 (下)

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Struck down, but not destroyed (Part 2 of 4)

My son, let me give you an example. Do you remember that you once told me the Holy Spirit whitewashed the mind of my company colleagues and bosses and they couldn’t answer a simple question? After that, I had a conversation with a friend, sharing salvation, and we talked for a long time. I kept telling my friend that the Lord Jesus is the true living God, but he didn’t believe it. I discussed with him for almost two hours. He explained what I shared about the experience of how the Lord Jesus led me. It was just my personal subjective thoughts. If it is a person who does not believe that Jesus is the Son of God, or a person of other religious beliefs, their explanation, will be very different too. Later, I shared with him how the Holy Spirit helped me at work and resolved the crisis in the team under my management due to a corporate politics at work. However, in the end, I said how the Holy Spirit made me asking a simple question and everyone in the room couldn’t answer it. Because I didn’t want to be refuted by the friend again, I told my friend that the time the other people could not answer the simple question from tens of seconds to tens of minutes. I don’t know why at that moment, the idea of lying appeared in my heart, and I also agreed with that idea, thinking that by saying this, my friend would not be able to refute me. When I said the lie for ten minutes, a small voice suddenly appeared in my heart, and said to me softly: “Do you know that you are lying?” At that moment, the Holy Spirit let me know that I had sin and lie, but I didn’t want to admit it when I was with my friend at that moment. Then, when Dad returned home, the lie I committed could really be forgotten quickly in my mind. However, when Dad was reading the Bible that night, I was reading other books, but because of a bible verse that appeared in my heart, it was Proverbs 16:2:

“All the ways of a person are clean in his own sight,
But the LORD examines the motives.”

I turned to Proverbs Chapter 16 and started to read, and went to Chapter 19. When I reached Proverbs 19:5, it said:

“A false witness will not go unpunished,
    and one who declares lies will not escape.”

At that time, the scene of me telling a lie to my friend flashed in my heart. Although the scene was vague, I should remember it. At that time, I didn’t remember what I was thinking, and I still didn’t want to confess my sin, but when I was reading verse 9, it said there:

“A false witness will not go unpunished,
    And one who declares lies will perish.”

When I was reading, it quickly reappeared in my heart that I was lying to my friend, which made me feel very uncomfortable. Just when I wanted to get up and leave, to escape and no longer want to look at it. The moment I got up, I saw the lie in my heart again. I saw it very clearly in my heart at that moment, as if I was watching my lie there as a third person, so that I could not excuse myself. At that moment, although I was uncomfortable, I knew that the Holy Spirit was reminding me, so I prayed in my heart, admitting that I lied and gave false testimony, offended God, and asked my God to forgive me until my heart regained the peace from forgiveness. So, Dad knows truly from my experience that a false witness and a lying tongue, as stated in Proverbs 6:17 and 19, which are hated by the LORD our God. Just as Proverbs 16:2 said, everything we are doing is clean in our own sights; but only the LORD, the God who created the heavens and the earth, examines the motives. He knows the truth of everything we said, did or thought, and no one in the world can escape His judgment! But Dad is in awe and admiration from the bottom of my heart that the God who created the heavens and the earth does not regard guilt as innocence. On the contrary, He loved me like a biological child, reproaching me and showing me my sin, so that Dad could confess my sin before God. Repented, being forgiven, and continued to walk with God who loves me.

So when you read God’s words, it is normal for this to happen. No matter what God lets you see in your heart through the Holy Spirit, don’t be afraid of it. The God who created the heavens and the earth is full of love and compassion! God will interrogate everything we want to do in the sun or in the dark, even hidden things. But God does this for our good. Just as if you do something wrong, no matter how much we, as your parents, love you, you must admit your mistakes, or even punish you, so that you will know that you have done something wrong. This have to do with preventing you to make mistakes again and again and hence the evil one can enter your heart. As long as you are not afraid, come back to Him and let Him examine you. The first few times, although it is uncomfortable, you will know for yourself that God loves you and will no longer be afraid. The Holy Spirit reminded me the consequences of sin when Dad read the following Bible verses, and our God does not regard guilt as innocence. He loves us, so he disciplines us who belong to Him, and only confession and repentance can keep us walking with awareness of the presence of the Lord.

Genesis 4:7:
“If you do well, will your face not be cheerful? And if you do not do well, sin is lurking at the door; and its desire is for you, but you must master it.”

Ecclesiastes 12:14:
“For God will bring every act to judgment, everything which is hidden, whether it is good or evil.”

Matthew 12:36-37:
“But I tell you that for every careless word that people speak, they will give an account of it on the day of judgment.
For by your words you will be justified, and by your words you will be condemned.”

Hebrews 12:5-6, 10-13, 25:
and you have forgotten the exhortation which is addressed to you as sons,
“MY SON, DO NOT REGARD LIGHTLY THE DISCIPLINE OF THE
LORD,
NOR FAINT WHEN YOU ARE PUNISHED BY HIM;
FOR WHOM THE LORD LOVES HE DISCIPLINES,
AND HE PUNISHES EVERY SON WHOM HE ACCEPTS.”
…
For our earthly fathers disciplined us for a short time as seemed best to them, but He (our God) disciplines us for our good, so that we may share His holiness.
For the moment, all discipline seems not to be pleasant, but painful; yet to those who have been trained by it, afterward it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness.
Therefore, strengthen the hands that are weak and the knees that are feeble,
make straight paths for your feet, so that the limb which is impaired may not be dislocated, but rather be healed.
…
See to it that you do not refuse Him who is speaking. For if those did not escape when they refused him who warned them on earth, much less will we escape who turn away from Him who warns us from heaven.

My son, in your life, even if you don’t have any great success and achievement, compared to the fact that you can’t hear the tiny call of the Holy Spirit in your heart, any success or achievement is nothing. Because you hear the call of the Holy Spirit and respond positively to His voice or teachings are related to your salvation, as stated in John 3:5, the Lord Jesus said:

“Truly, truly, I say to you, unless someone is born of water and the Spirit, he cannot enter the kingdom of God.”

It is also whether you can see or unaware the presence of your God with you in your life, but think that you have the golden ticket to the kingdom of heaven or you are actually become part of the children of God yourself! My son, I repeat, you must remember that day and night, our Heavenly Father has given us the Holy Spirit to every child of God. He is not only giving the Holy Spirit to the pastors, preachers, missionaries or elders of His churches, because we, as the children of God, always need the enlightenment of the Holy Spirit to be saved from a selfish and self-righteous state of mind. The Lord Jesus who loves us will use the Holy Spirit to teach each child of God in different ways in his life. He speaks, or emerges in our heart from the things that happened in our past, to guide our life, return to Him and take refuge in Him. It’s just whether we are willing to listen in our heart and respond positively to the guidance of the Holy Spirit, or leave it out, as if we have never heard or seen it. The Holy Spirit once put the following thoughts in my heart: “You need to know how I communicate with you, just as you know how your wife and sons talking to you, the meanings expressed in their words and the thoughts in their hearts. If you just tell other people, how much you love your wife and son, how they love you, but when you are alone with your wife or son, you are not even know how do they express their thoughts and how they talk to you. Then, you don’t know how to love them, you just use them to show yourself in front of others and in your agenda to raise your social status.” So, when I repented and confessed two years ago, I started to pay attention to how God through the Holy Spirit communicated with me. This is the Holy Spirit’s personal response to my ashamed prayer when I am willing to listen to him attentively, as stated in Psalm 138:6:

“For the LORD is exalted,
Yet He looks after the lowly,
But He knows the haughty from afar.”

So, son, you must remember to learn to humble yourself throughout your life, to return to the throne of God, to learn to listen to the various methods of the Holy Spirit speaking in your heart, to be sensitive to the tiny voice, and to learn to distinguish the source of many inner voices. Distinguish which voice is really come from the Holy Spirit. There was a couple of missionary and they shared with me this, “We, humans, must learn to listen to the voice of the Holy Spirit. The best way is to kneel down on the ground, so that our hearts can be humbled. In many years of our life serving God, we find that kneeling down before God, reading the Bible and praying is the most effective way to make us sensitive to the voice of the Holy Spirit.” This happened more than 20 years ago, but, my son, I honestly tell you that, before I repented two years ago, I never could persevere kneel down in front of God to read the Bible and pray for more than a few days. Even when I knelt down, I always felt like I was reluctant to kneel down. And there were many things in my mind shown up that attracted me unable to concentrate on reading the Bible and praying. In the worst case, I tried to kneel for more than 30 minutes, but I was unable to concentrate on reading the Bible for more than ten seconds. I was constantly attracted by other things that surfaced in my heart. Even though I was still reading on my lip. My mind had already flown to the clouds thousands of miles away thinking about other things that attracting me. A friend once asked me a question. “Since it is so difficult, why do you still keep trying to read the Bible and pray?” Dad thought for the reason why at that time. Then, Dad said from the bottom of my heart, “Because God used to speak to me through the Holy Spirit. Although no one else at that time said to me that the Holy Spirit would speak to us, the Bible recorded the Creator of heaven and earth often talked with people. After the first time the Holy Spirit spoke to me, I knew that the Holy Spirit really living within me, so I wanted to hear what He will say to me again. I don’t know why. After more than 20 years, I still don’t want to give up.” I thank God that He promised in the Bible that those who seek will find Him; those who knock will the door be open for them. It is also recorded in Romans 10:20-21:

And Isaiah is very bold and says,
” I WAS FOUND BY THOSE WHO DID NOT SEEK ME,
I REVEALED MYSELF TO THOSE WHO DID NOT ASK FOR ME.”
But as for Israel, He says, “I HAVE SPREAD OUT MY HANDS ALL DAY LONG TO A DISOBEDIENT AND OBSTINATE PEPOLE.”

Therefore, the person like me, who is disobedient and obstinate to God, whenever I am willing to lower my head and humble down, He let me meet with Him and show Him to me.

Next: Struck down, but not destroyed (Part 3 of 4)

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Struck down, but not destroyed (Part 4 of 4)

My son, don’t blindly approve and believe that God made the new covenant and abolished the old covenant. And think that the words of God recorded in the Old Testament of the Bible and God’s wrath against treacherous and deceitful people are not important. Our Lord Jesus, the Son of God, is using His own precious blood to establish the new covenant, so as to fulfill the old covenant. As stated in Matthew 5:17-18:

“Do not presume that I came to abolish the Law or the Prophets; I did not come to abolish, but to fulfill. 
For truly I say to you, until heaven and earth pass away, not the smallest letter or stroke of a letter shall pass from the Law, until all is accomplished!”

The God who created the heavens and the earth loves us very much. Although we don’t know him, the Heavenly Father sent his beloved Son, Jesus Christ, to come to the world. He experienced all the human’s ability to distinguish between good and evil and radiated all kinds of lusts and temptations, but without sin. He leaves us an example, so that we can rely on the Holy Spirit to guide us in our hearts and hope for salvation. My son, but please remember what the Lord Jesus said in John 12:47-48:

“If anyone hears My teachings and does not keep them, I do not judge him; for I did not come to judge the world, but to save the world.
The one who rejects Me and does not accept My teachings has one who judges him: the word which I spoke. That will judge him on the last day.”

So at the end of the world, when our Lord returns, the judgment will first start from God’s house, and we will be judged by God. Don’t believe in the specious theology of grace, saying that God has already forgiven your previous, present and future sins when you accepted the Lord Jesus as the savior of mankind. You don’t need to confess your sins and repent again in your like. My son, Dad tells you that I used to hear some Christians around me often said this. I often prayed for them in prayers when their name came to my mind. Then one day, when I read Psalm 32:3-6, 8-11:

“When I kept silent about my sin, my body wasted away
Through my groaning all day long.
For day and night Your hand was heavy upon me;
My vitality failed as with the dry heat of summer.
I acknowledged my sin to You,
And I did not hide my guilt;
I said, “I will confess my wrongdoings to the LORD”;
And You forgave the guilt of my sin.
Therefore, let everyone who is godly pray to You in a time when You may be found;
Certainly in a flood of great waters, they will not reach him.”

Then, it seems that God used verses 8-11 to answer the prayer of the poet:

“I will instruct you and teach you in the way which you should go;
I will advise you with My eye upon you.
Do not be like the horse or like the mule, which have no understanding,
Whose trappings include bit and bridle to hold them in check,
Otherwise they will not come near to you.
The sorrows of the wicked are many,
But the one how trusts in the LORD, goodness will surround him.
Be glad in the LORD and rejoice, you righteous ones;
And shout for joy, all you who are upright in heart.”

Because when I was reading this passage, what my Christian friends said appeared in my heart, I knew that the Holy Spirit responded to me with this passage, just as John 14:26 said:

“But the Helper, the Holy Spirit whom the Father will send in My name, He will teach you all things, and remind you of all that I said to you.”

Then a question slowly came up in my heart, thinking about what kind of people are upright in heart? Then when I read Ecclesiastes 7:29, Holy Spirit let the question appeared in my heart again:

“Behold, I have found only this, that God made people upright, but they have sought out many schemes.”

Thinking back to my question, I realized in my heart that a person who is upright before God will not do what Adam and Eve did. They shirked responsibility for their sins to others, or escaped their own faults. Or even some may think that they are more spiritual or holy than other sinners, and some people are worthy of death as they claimed from what the Bible said. An upright person will confess his sins before God after the Holy Spirit reveals his sins and asks the Lord to forgive him. Like King David, except for the only crime he committed in his life to kill Uriah, and rob his wife, he was still recognized by God that he did not violate everything he commanded in his life except that sin. In addition, the LORD rebuked David through the prophet Nathan for the crime of murder and robbery of other’s wife. David did not refuse to confess his sins similar to the kings of Israel after him, he responded to God positively because of God’s rebuke: “I have offended the Lord!”. Such a person is an upright person. An upright person will listen to the teachings of the Holy Spirit, accept the counsel of the Holy Spirit, confess his sins, and walk in the path of confession and repentance that God is guiding him. And a person who will confess his sins and repent under the guidance of the Holy Spirit will understand the value of salvation, and will not be afraid of his sins being illuminated by the Holy Spirit. As recorded in Luke 1:77:

“To give His people the knowledge of salvation
By the forgiveness of their sins,”

If we do not confess our sins under the work of the Holy Spirit, if we do not repent and our heart of confession is commensurate, if we only hope that after believing in Jesus, we can escape the wrathful words of God when the Lord returns, then the eternal life that God has placed in our human hearts will be impossible to be rooted. Just like we are now, even if we have a citizenship certificate in another country, if we are infected by the COVID-19 virus, we will not be able to enter that country with a citizenship certificate, because we are infected by the virus (sin), just imagine would the Customs Officer of that country let us enter the country? Some people would give it a try, thinking that the customs officer would not know that he was infected with the virus. However, please remember that the customs officer of that country was also our Creator, our King, and our Lord Jesus. He knows whether we have been infected by the virus or not. If we don’t recognize that we are sick, go to see the doctor (our Lord) for treatment, and ask the doctor to heal our sickness. The virus (sin) we have contracted will never be cured. Some people may think that even if I am infected, or my own body can fight the virus, it is not impossible to slowly return to health myself. My son, I will only tell you in this letter that spiritual viruses are voluntarily infected by human beings, and they cannot be healed by ourselves. Only through confession and repentance will we understand how much the Lord Jesus loves us as the self-seeking human beings. God has lowered his standards to the point that as long as we are willing to bow to Him, He has promised to forgive us. If you don’t bow your head, seek medical advice, don’t let the Holy Spirit illuminate your heart, and don’t repent. You don’t have the ability to experience the reality of the hope of eternal life given by God from salvation to you. Just like a person learning skydiving, he will learn a lot of knowledge and make preparations during his training, but when he jumps out on an airplane for the first time, he will be nervous and worried because he has never tried to jump out of an airplane before. Salvation from God and the hope of eternal life are very similar as a person who has never tried skydiving. No matter how much preparation and knowledge that person has before, when he truly jumps out (leaves the world), he will also feel apprehensive and scared because he has never had such an experience before. But when he, under the guidance of the Holy Spirit, is being illuminated the dark side of his inner life, in front of the Lord Jesus. After confessing his sins, repenting, and receiving forgiveness, the salvation and the hope of eternal life that were only the knowledge of his mind will be in his heart. Real fruit has been born in the mind. Therefore, those who have never asked the Lord Jesus to forgive our sins will not truly understand the truth of 1 John 1:9:

“If we confess our sins, He is faithful and righteous, so that He will forgive us our sins and cleanse us from all unrighteousness.”

Then, the hope of salvation and eternal life from above is only the knowledge of our minds, not the personal experience of salvation born out of the forgiveness of sins. Since it’s just the knowledge of the mind, we have never experienced forgiveness. Nor have we often experienced the illumination of the Holy Spirit in life, knowing that the Lord really as long as we are willing to confess our sins from the heart, He will forgive us and give peace of forgiveness. How can the hope of eternal life be born from the bottom of our heart? How can we not miss this world and hope to leave this world returning to heaven to meet the God who loves us and forgives our sins? Dad reiterates to tell you the truth again, you must keep it in your heart, Dad only knows that those who are enlightened by the Holy Spirit and confess their sins and repent will truly understand the value of salvation, will have the hope of eternal life and will not breathe at the last breath in the world at a loss not knowing where we would go after death and were afraid. Instead, we are waiting with joy, and eager to return to the heavenly house to see the Lord’s face.

Salvation comes from being revealed by the Holy Spirit in all things, begging God for forgiveness, and being forgiven by God. Only by being forgiven by God, we can truly know the value of salvation and how much our God loves us! The motivation that can change one’s bad habits, even willing to discern the truth of the God who loves us, to be ridiculed or humiliated or killed because of what he testified. This is born from the guidance of the Holy Spirit and the forgiveness of sins, as the result of the response to God’s indomitable love. Our God only asks his disciples such as Peter, Thomas, Paul, etc., who were following their own likes and dislikes, after repenting and confessing their sins, being forgiven by the Lord, and guided by the Holy Spirit, will they go to death without fear, but also to prove the Lord Jesus is the Son of God and our Savior? Moreover, those who are often enlightened by the Holy Spirit and are willing to respond positively and repentantly, because they do not resist the guidance of the Holy Spirit, they will get the presence of the Lord Jesus and the Father, so that those who repent will become good friends of the Most High God and His present every day. The Lord helps you in difficulties, He heals you when you are sick, and He corrects you when there is self-righteousness within you. As John 14:21 and 23 and 15:14-15 said:

“The one who has My commandments and keeps them is the one who loves Me; and the one who loves Me will be loved by My Father, and I will love him and will reveal Myself to him.”
…
Jesus answered and said to him, “If anyone loves Me, he will follow My word; and My Father will love him, and We will come to him and make Our dwelling with him.”

“You are My friends if you do what I command you.
No longer do I call you slaves, for the slave does not know what his master is doing; but I have called you friends, because all things that I have heard from My Father I have made known to you.”

My son, Dad’s knowledge is limited, but I have never heard of any religion or philosophy, as same as recorded in the Bible by the God who created the heavens and the earth will treat us as friends. It is such a great honor that people will repent and confess their sins and return to the embrace of the Most High God. You can become good friends with the God who created the heavens and the earth, and you will never be separated! Dad used to think that eternal life means being able to return to heaven in the future. Only after repentance did I slowly realize that eternal life defines me as reconnecting with the eternal Creator through repentance, being with him every day and being guided by Him in His present. Because of His eternal life and eternity, no matter where Dad is, I also has the hope of eternal life with God. The Holy Spirit only allows Dad to understand the relationship between salvation and eternal life from the direction of confession and repentance. This is also the most precious experience that I can pass to you with the love of knowing God in my life. Our human lust is like a toilet. Even if you don’t use it, it will slowly stick to the dust. If it is not cleaned at a certain time, it will slowly produce stains. My son, if you feel that the analogy I said is hard to listen to, this is normal, because we, humans, live in a real society where we do not bow our heads and survive the survival of the fittest. Everything must be visible. What is right and valuable in reality is right. No matter what the inside is, the outside must be done decent enough so that it will not be laughed at. We can accept the Most High God who loves us and sent His beloved son Jesus Christ to be crucified for our sins. We counted it as we are blessed. We can accept the blessing, but it will be very difficult for us to bow our heads and confess our mistakes. We would rather think that we are much better than other sinners. God will love us because we have not committed anything sinful in the world. But the Book of Job recorded a fact in 9:2-4,20:

“… But how can a person be in the right with God?
If one wished to dispute with Him,
He could not answer Him once in a thousand times.
Wise in heart and mighty in strength, Who has defiled Him
without harm?
…
Though I am righteous, my mouth will condemn me;
Though I am guiltless, He will declare me guilty.”

A missionary once shared something with me. I remember it like this:

“Jesus came to us because God wants to stay with us. Sin is a block to his purpose. Sin is not the main point, God’s presence in our life is the main purpose of His redemption plan. We repent from our sin because it blocks our connection with God our Lord.  He does not give us a ticket of entrance to Heaven, but He gives Himself to us when we accept Him as our savior.”

My son, the Most High God puts eternal life in the hearts of the people of the world, but God’s deeds cannot be penetrated by the people of the world. When we are guided by the Holy Spirit, we are illuminated with the hidden darkness in our hearts. After we ask God to forgive us, we will continue to be illuminated and ask forgiveness, and then the forgiven heart, will slowly grow a humble and contrite spirit because of God’s unforgettable love. Harmonize with the faith, we are willing to get close to the God who loves us, listen to the Holy Spirit’s teachings in the heart, and read the words of God every day. We are waiting for the Heavenly Father to speak to us through the Holy Spirit when we read the words of God every day, and slowly have the heart of Jesus Christ, no longer easy to be self-righteous even if we are overthrown by the selfish desires in the heart. Because we are not afraid of the enlightenment of the Holy Spirit, we will come back to the Lord and confess our faults. We are forgiven by God so we can stand up again and walk the path that the Heavenly Father wants us to walk in our life. On that path every day, we will see the God who created the heavens and the earth. Our God is a living God and He is leading and walking with the humble people every day.

May the Lord Jesus Christ, the Son of God, who bought us with His holy blood, can keep us from living in the Lord, and the Holy Spirit sent from the Father to live in our hearts will always guide you in your heart. To experience His love and mercy, and guide you to understand the truth, so that you will not be afraid of the light of the Holy Spirit in your life, shining in the dark of your heart, cleansing, and walking with God who loves us every day! As long as you are not afraid, come back to Him and let Him examine you. The first few times, although it is uncomfortable, you will know for yourself that God loves you and will no longer be afraid. As 1 John 4:18 said:

“There is no fear in love, but perfect love drives out fear, because fear involves punishment, and the one who fears is not perfected in love.”

This is my personal experience. I hope the Holy Spirit will let you understand His intentions in your future life. Amen!

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Struck down, but not destroyed (Part 3 of 4)

My son, whoever heard the voice and guidance of the Holy Spirit, how can I describe their experience? The Holy Spirit only reminds me of 1 Corinthians 13:12, where it says:

“For now we see in a mirror dimly, but then face to face; now I know in part, but then I will know fully, just as I also have been fully known.”

So when Dad heard a voice in my heart, sometimes, as recorded in the Bible, it was unclear, like a guessing puzzle. Sometimes, if I guess it correctly, I could fit in with the Spirit of God and could concentrate on reading the Scriptures and praying being unaffected. Sometimes I guess it wrong and get lost, attracted by self-righteous desires. Although I have read the Scriptures, it seems like I haven’t read them at all. After I stand up from the ground, I cannot remember the Scriptures that I read. No matter how hard I try to remember them, I cannot remember them. Son, before Dad truly repented, sometimes after listening to the voices that appeared in my heart, although I seemed to be walking in the light, I slowly realized that I didn’t want to kneel before the Lord every day and read God’s words and pray. And at those times, Dad always felt that my temper was not very good from the inside. Although I seemed to be honest on the outside, I often criticized people and things around me inside, and I felt that those criticisms were right. What’s more, I found that I was paying more and more attention to what others think of me, like a wounded person who would not like others to see his wound. After repentance, I often worry about whether I have really changed, or is this just an illusion and will soon be restored to its original form? Suddenly one day, a very small voice appeared in my heart, calling me to return to the Lord and let Him judge me. Later I learned that this was from 1 Corinthians 4:4:

“For I am not aware of anything against myself; however I am not vindicated by this, but the one who examines me is the Lord.”

Then, in my heart, I slowly understood that the Holy Spirit pointed out the best way for me. That is, going back to the Lord every day, kneeling down, reading the Bible and praying to get close to my God. In this case, if my soul was in conflict with the Holy Spirit, when I knelt down to read the Bible and pray, I was often attracted by other things that appeared in my heart. I didn’t concentrate on reading God’s words, waiting for and longing for Him to speak to me. I don’t know why when I kneel down to read the Bible and pray, the conflict between my soul and the Holy Spirit will be particularly obvious. I only know that what the Holy Spirit said to me about being examined by the Lord is something that really work and it is the best way. Later, I discovered that if I did not follow the guidance of the Holy Spirit in my heart, I would be afraid to read the Bible and pray because I did not listen to His words through Holy Spirit. Just like Adam and Eve, because they did not listen to God’s words and eat the fruit of the tree of the knowledge of good and evil, after hearing that God was looking for them, they were afraid and hid. After repentance, Dad is willing to kneel down in the morning and evening every day, reading the Bible and praying to get close to God. One month passed, three months later, six months later, one year later, one year and four months later, I finally finished reading the entire Old and New Testament for the first time in my life. Two years later, I still kneel down willingly, reading God’s words and praying to my God, and letting His Spirit examine me. I am very thankful to my God. One day when I was reading James 3:17, it was recorded there:

“But the wisdom from above is first pure, then peace-loving, gentle, reasonable, full of mercy and good fruits, impartial, free of hypocrisy.”

Then, I let go of the worries in my heart, knowing that I really repented and began to be changed by the Holy Spirit. I thanked my God from the bottom of my heart. He used the Holy Spirit to make me repent and let me learn to be a new creation.

Finally, Dad understood that the voice that called me to come back to kneel down every day and to be examined by the Lord was really came from the Holy Spirit! Only those who are led by the Holy Spirit, often enlightened by the Holy Spirit, and confess their sins and repent, will have the power from above to be with the Holy Spirit. Dad always feels that before I repent, I am willing to do other trivial things, which makes myself physically and mentally tired, even when I told myself in my heart that I want to read the Bible. It is very strange that bored thoughts appeared in my heart, and I were unwilling to return to God to pray and read the Bible. In retrospect, before I repented, the Holy Spirit did remind me on December 11, 2008, when I read 1 Samuel 15:22-23.

Samuel said,
“Does the LORD have as much delight in burnt offerings and sacrifices
As in obeying the voice of the LORD?
Behold, to obey is better than a sacrifice,
And to pay attention is better than the fat of rams.
For rebellion is as reprehensible as the sin of divination,
And insubordination is as reprehensible as false religion and idolatry….”

When I was reading the Scriptures above, there were many ambiguities appeared in my heart, and I remembered that I used to ask myself, why can’t I read the Bible and pray every day for a long time? What is sin? At that moment of reading the Scriptures, the Holy Spirit reminded me of my problem, and I knew that God was responding to me and let me know where my problem was. It was because I only asked for my way, but did not follow the guidance of the Holy Spirit in my heart, and my soul was lost. So, I used other things to try to explain why I could not kneel down and read God’s words and prayers each day. In fact, I just didn’t listen to the guidance of the Holy Spirit in my heart, so I would avoid coming to meet with God intentionally or unconsciously. My son, I try to explain to you with a simple thing. I hope the Holy Spirit will show you what He wants you to understand and accept when you read this article in the future. To put it more simply, it’s similar when you were young, when Mom and Dad asked you to go to bed and rest, you were always reluctant and told us you want to drink water and go to the bathroom. Why did you always drink water and then go to the bathroom when you had to go to bed to rest? And at that time, when you said you wanted to go to the bathroom before going to bed, you seemed to be very happy when you were sitting on the toilet board. In fact, at that time, you didn’t want to go to bed and go to sleep at all!

Son, when I refuse to obey God who created all spirits and the heavens and earth, and only do things that I think are right and beneficial to myself or even to God, my soul from God will be spiritually wounded. Remember the following words as a reminder, maybe in the future, if the Lord is willing, I will explain in more detail in the future letters to you. When my soul is spiritually wounded, I often listen to the rebellious spirit imitating as the angel of light, and guide me in my heart to escape from the discipline of God, to the self-righteous, criticizing the world but not out of love. I did that to let myself feel good about my own self-righteousness and make myself feel that I am much better than those people. I am worthy of God’s love. Therefore, when you one day feel that you are more righteous than others, and are more qualified to criticize those who do bad things, as if you are a judge, thinking that you are righteous and a good person, God will for sure love you. You are so important to God and His Kingdom. If you are not afraid of the cruel reality, you can first try to repeat thinking about the evil things done by the bad guys that appeared in your mind, then close the door and kneel down in the room immediately to pray and read the Bible. If you can resist on those thoughts that make you feel good, instead of being obsessed with those thoughts, you can on the other hand concentrate on thirsting for your God to talk to you at that time, you will know whether you are with the Holy Spirit, are you walking with the Lord?

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Struck down, but not destroyed (Part 1 of 4)

My son, this and the future letters are written for you. You may not fully understand what these letters are mention while you are reading them in the future. As Deuteronomy 29:29 said: “Secret things belong to the Lord our God;”, I can only ask the Holy Spirit to guide you and understand what He wants you to understand. Even understand and experience more than I can write down to you and be more thorough to allow you to return to the Lord every day in your life. You can treat this as the most precious thing that I, as your father, will leave for you in my life. They recorded how the Lord Jesus had mercy on me more than 20 years ago, through the Holy Spirit, I heard His voice, promises, encouragement, and guiding me gradually in returning to His embrace. They also recorded how the Holy Spirit made Dad understand what sin is. Why did only the Lord Jesus come to the world himself and died on the cross for our sins, covering the source of our sinful nature as humans with His blood? Moreover, we need the guidance of the Holy Spirit in our hearts so that we can respond to the Highest God who loves us, we will then be able to give up on our selfishness and be saved! You might think, why did my dad put his most precious experience on the Internet for others to watch, even though his son has not had a chance to see it first? Son, don’t forget, my most precious experience and lessons, I often shared with you in my life. Those are basically what Dad received from the Holy Spirit. It was originally not mine, but the Most High God had mercy on me. So, I have to know and walk the narrow road into the kingdom of heaven. Therefore, if God allows me to say that those didn’t belong to me, I will testify to others that our God is alive. If I do not testify that our God is living among us, I would be like the record in Luke 19:12-27, when the servant received ten minus from the master, but would not do business to earn more. Instead, the servant collected and buried them, wrapped them in a handkerchief, and kept them until the master comes back and is punished. So I can’t just tell you that God is alive and living among us. If other people can know from what I shared, know how much God, who created the world, loves us as sinners and is willing to lay down ourselves to Him, confess our sins and repent, then I will not be punished when I see the Lord Jesus again. And I am always with you, my son, don’t you often hear all the things God has done to me? So, if the Holy Spirit allows me to speak of His love and truth, let others also listen to it.

I will divide the experience of how I met the Most High God into several articles, each with a small fragment of life, to tell you. There are some fragments of life that Dad once told you. But the most important lessons that I learned, because you were still young at that time, so you still could not understand. I will write down the most important things that Dad has learned after every fragment of life. You have to keep it in mind and don’t forget. My son, you often say to me: “Dad, I have heard it, I already know, I already understand, you don’t have to repeat it to me!” Do you know why I often repeat it? It’s because it does not matter what you know, it does not help of what you understand, are you willing to keep it firmly in your heart because of what you know and understand, and be with God? And if you think you know something, you still don’t know what you should know. I don’t want you to think that the Scriptures in the Bible will bother you, so Dad won’t write down all that I have learned from God’s Words in the Bible. If you remember what Dad said, you will read the Bible and pray throughout your life. Then, in the days, the Holy Spirit living in our hearts will remind you of what Dad said to you, all the things He wants to say to you in your heart. But if it’s important, I’ll mention that it can be found in which chapter of the Scriptures. Just as 1 John 2:27, you must keep it in your heart and think day and night. Don’t forget. May the Holy Spirit guard your heart until you meet him again. Amen!

“And as for you, the anointing which you received from Him remains in you, and you have no need for anyone to teach you; but as His anointing teaches you about all things, and is true and is not a lie, and just as it has taught you, you remain in Him.”

The first time I heard the Holy Spirit spoken to me
At that time, I had just accepted the Lord Jesus as my personal savior, so I read the Bible and prayed as the pastor said. One day, I fell asleep while praying. I woke up after a few minutes. Then I felt very bad. When I spoke to the God who created the heavens and the earth, I fell asleep. I didn’t know why and I wanted to say sorry to God. So I bowed my head and prayed to God and said, “God, I’m sorry, I fell asleep while talking to you. Please forgive me. If you want to rebuke me, please tell me! I am here to listen.” Then I waited quietly in my heart. Suddenly a voice appeared in my heart. I didn’t know where it came from. The voice said to me, “Believe in the Lord Jesus, and you will be saved, you and your household.” At that time, in my heart I was surprised. I asked a question to myself from the bottom of my heart, “Can God really speak to us?” I wanted to try again, lest I was daydreaming, so I lowered my head and prayed again, “God, if you really speak to me, will it be ok to say it again please?” Waiting quietly in my heart, suddenly the voice appeared again and said to me, “Don’t be afraid, just believe.” From then on, I could not forget that voice in my life. The voice of the Holy Spirit is full of majesty. I don’t know where it is coming from or where it is going. Although it appeared only lightly many times, it was powerful and full of love. Even if it was a reproach, it was not the same as what the world would be judged by disgust. In it, I only know by now that it is a kind of reproach of love in judgment. In my past experience, most of God’s reproach to me was not just that God used an audible voice to directly say to me or a message appeared in my heart. In many cases, things that happened in the past would appear in my mind. Dad was acting as a spectator to re-sees what I said, thought or did at the scene. So that Dad understood at that moment of what I did and my real motive, to the point that I had no excuse, I would have to ask the Lord to forgive me. Son, you must understand and accept this. This is only the work of the Holy Spirit and Him alone! It is not something that can be changed by self-reflection. If I only know self-reflection and I don’t ask for the Holy Spirit’s enlightenment and forgiveness. Then, I will be best describe of what a friend said to me, I will be similar to a cat constantly chasing its short tail, and I will never catch my tail for my lifetime! John 16:7-13 also has the same record:

“But I (Jesus) tell you the truth: it is to your advantage that I am leaving; for if I do not leave, the Helper (Holy Spirit) will not come to you; but if I go, I will send Him to you.
And He, when He comes, will convict the world regarding sin, and righteousness, and judgement:
regarding sin, because they do not believe in Me;
and regarding righteousness, because I am going to the Father and you no longer are going to see Me;
and regarding judgment, because the ruler of this world has been judged.
I have many more things to say to you, but you cannot bear them at the present time.
But when He, the Spirit of truth, comes, He will guide you into the truth; for He will not speak on His own, but whatever He hears, He will speak; and He will disclose to you what is to come.”

Son, I will divide this letter into four parts, so that you can read it slowly and think carefully. I hope that the Holy Spirit who can keep you in His path will bring you back flawlessly through out your life to the Throne of Grace and Justices of the Lord Jesus who loves us, so that you will receive mercy and grace until the day you see our Lord again. Amen!

打倒了，卻不致死亡 (下）

我的兒子，聽見聖靈的聲音和引導的人，可以用什麼形容他們的經歷呢？聖靈只讓我想起哥林多前書13:12節，那裏記載：

「我們如今彷彿對着鏡子觀看，模糊不清（原文解作”如同猜謎”）；到那時，就要面對面了。我如今所知道的有限，到那時就全知道，如同主知道我一樣。」

所以爸爸聽見心裏有聲音出現，有好些時候，正如聖經上所記，是模湖不清的，好像猜謎一般，有些時候猜中了，便可以與聖善的神的靈契合，可以專心不受影響的讀神的說話和禱告，有些時候猜錯了，便走迷了路，被自以為義的私慾吸引去了，雖然讀了聖經卻像沒有看過一般，所讀的經文，從地上站起來時便一點也記不起，無論怎樣努力去想也記不起。在爸爸真心悔改以前，有些時候，聽了那些心裏出現的聲音以後，雖然好像是行在光明一般，但後來才慢慢發覺自己為什麼不願意每天跪在主面前讀神的說話和禱告呢？而且那些時候，爸爸總覺得自己的心裏的脾氣不太好，雖然表面好像誠實，心裏面卻常常對身邊出現的人和事，有很多批判的聲音常常出現，而且自己是覺得那些批判是對的，更甚的是，我發覺自己越來越看重別人怎樣評價我，好像一個有傷口的人，不願意別人看見自己的傷口一般。然後在悔改以後，常常擔憂自己是否真正改變了，還是這只是一個假象，很快便會打回原形呢？忽然有一天，心裏面有一個很微小的聲音出現，呼喚我回到主面前，讓祂判斷我。後來才知道，這是出於哥林多前書4:4節：

「我雖不覺得自己有錯，卻也不能因此得以稱義；但判斷我的乃是主。」

然後我的心裏面，才慢慢的明白過來，聖靈為我指出一個最好的辨法，那便是天天繼續回到主面前，跪下讀聖經和祈禱親近神，這樣的話，假若我的靈魂與聖靈有抵觸的時候，我跪下讀聖經禱告時，便會常常被心裏出現的其他事情吸引去了，沒有專心的讀神的說話，等候祂盼望祂對我說話。我不知道為什麼在跪下讀聖經禱告的時候，那靈魂與聖靈有抵觸的情況，會特別明顯的出現，我只知道聖靈對我所說，回到主面前被祂判斷，是一個行得通最好的辦法。後來我更發現，若果我不聽從聖靈在心裏的引導的時候，我是會害怕去讀聖經和禱告的，因為不肯聽從祂的話，就像亞當夏娃一般，因為不聽神的說話，吃了分辨善惡樹的果子，在以後聽到神在尋找他卻害怕而躲藏起來。就是這樣，在悔改之後，爸爸便是天天學習早上和晚上，跪下來讀聖經和禱告親近神，一個月過去了，三個月以後，半年以後，一年以後，一年四個月以後，終於完成一生人中第一次讀完整本新舊約聖經，到現在兩年以後，爸爸還是心甘情願的這樣跪下來，讀神的話和禱告，讓祂的靈來判斷我。我感謝我的神，有一天在看雅各書3:17節的時候，那裏記載：

「唯獨從上頭來的智慧，先是清潔，後是和平，溫良柔順，滿有憐憫，多結善果，沒有偏見，沒有假冒。」

我才放下心中的擔憂，知道自己真的悔改了，開始被聖靈改變了，我是從心底裏感謝我的神，祂藉着聖靈讓我悔改，讓我學做一個新造的人。

爸爸才明白那呼喚我天天回來，被主判斷的聲音，真是聖靈對我所說的！也只有被聖靈帶領，常常被聖靈光照而且認罪悔改的人，才會有聖靈的能力同在，可以恆切謙卑跪下在主面前，天天讀神的說話和禱告的。爸爸總是感覺我悔改以先，情願做其他瑣碎的事情，弄得自己身心疲倦，甚至乎心裏想去要讀聖經的時候，心靈有厭煩的意念出現，也不願意回到神面前禱告和讀聖經，十分奇怪。但是，回想起來，聖靈在爸爸還未悔改之前，已經曾在2008年12月11日，在我讀撒母耳記上15:22-23的時候，提醒我。

撒母耳說：「耶和華喜悅燔祭和平安祭，豈如喜悅人聽從他的話呢？聽命勝於獻祭，順從勝於公羊的脂油。叛逆的罪，與行邪術的罪相等；橫梗的罪，與拜虛神和偶像的罪相同。…」

當我讀的時候，心裏面有很多模糊不清的事情出現，而且我記起以前常問自己，為何不能恆久的天天讀聖經和祈禱？究竟甚麼是罪？在那一刻聖靈讓我想起我的問題，我便知道神在回應我，讓我知道我的問題所在，是因為我只自求我道，卻不聽從聖靈在心中的引導，以致靈魂受虧損了，所以我才會藉着其他的事情，去嘗試解釋自己為什麼不能天天的跪下讀神的說話和禱告，其實自己心裏只是因常常不聽聖靈的引導，所以我會有意無意之間去逃避回到神面前來。我的兒子，我嘗試用一些簡單的事情去解釋給你聽，但願聖靈在將來你看這文章的日子裏，讓你明白祂想要你明白和接受的事情。說得比較簡單一點，就好像你小時候，爸爸媽媽叫你去上床休息，你總是不願意，對我們說，要飲水，要去廁所一樣。為何你總是在要上床休息的時候，才去飲水，才去廁所的呢？而且那時候，當你上床前卻說要去廁所，你坐在廁所板上的時候，你好像很開心的一樣，其實你那時候，根本不想上床去睡覺呢。

兒子啊，當我不服在創造萬靈和天地的神面前，只做自以為對和對自己甚至是自以為對神有利的事情的話，我從神而來的靈魂是會受虧損的，而且你要記住我以下的話作為警醒，或許將來，主若願意，我會更加詳細的去解釋。當爸爸的靈魂受虧損的時候，我常常聽從那仿效光明天使的叛逆的靈，在心中向我引導走向脫離神的管教，走向那自以為對，對世人批判卻不是出於愛，來讓自己自我感覺良好，讓自己覺得我比那些人好得多，自己是配得神所愛的。所以，當你將來有一天，感覺自己好像比其他人更公義，更有資格向那些做壞事的人，提出批判，好像自己是審判官一樣，認為自己是公義的，是好人，神必定愛我，我好重要的時侯，你若不害怕殘酷的現實，你可以先嘗試重復的去想那些出現在你腦海中的壞人所做的惡事，然後關上門，在房中立即跪下來禱告和讀聖經，你若能專心一意，不被那些讓你感覺良好的思想出現而沉迷在那些想法當中，反而能專心去渴慕你的神在那時候，與你說話的話，你便會知道自己是否與聖靈親近，是否與主同行的了。

你不要盲目地去認同和相信，神立新約，廢除了舊約，所以聖經舊約中所記載神的話，和神對奸惡詭詐的人的憤怒，便不重要，我們的主耶穌，神的兒子，是來用祂自己的寶血所立的新約，以致成全舊約的。正如馬太福音5:17-18節所說：

「莫想我來要廢掉律法和先知；我來不是要廢掉，乃是要成全。

我實在告訴你們，就是到天地都廢去了，律法的一點一畫也不能廢去，都要成全。」

創造天地的神，是很愛我們的，我們雖然不認識他，但天父卻差派自己的愛子主耶穌基督，來到世人中間，經歷世人所受一切從分辨善惡的能力而發出種種私慾的試探，卻沒有犯罪，給我們留下榜樣，以至我們能靠着信靠聖靈在心中引導我們，有得救的盼望。我兒呀，但請你緊記約翰福音12:47-48節，主耶穌所說的話：

「若有人聽見我的話不遵守，我不審判他。我來本不是要審判世界，乃是要拯救世界。

棄絕我，不領受我話的人，有審判他的；就是我所講的道，在末日要審判他。」

所以到世界的末了，我們的主再回來的時候，審判會首先從神的家開始，我們是會被神審判的。不要相信那似是而非的恩典神學，說神已經在你接受主耶穌作過人的救主的時候，已經一次過赦免了你以前，現在和將來的罪，你不需要在一生中，再次認罪悔改了。兒呀，爸爸告訴你，我曾因為身邊有些相識的基督徒常常這樣說，我常常在祈禱當中為他們禱告，然後有一天，我讀詩篇32:3-6；8-11節的時候，

「我閉口不認罪的時候，因終日埃亨而骨頭枯乾。

黑夜白日，你的手在我身上沉重；我的精液耗盡，如同夏天的乾旱。

我向你陳明我的罪，不隱瞞我的惡。我說：”我要向耶和華承認我的過犯。”你就赦免我的罪惡。

為此，凡虔誠人都當趁你可尋找的時候禱告你，大水泛溢的時候，別不能到他那裏。

你是我藏身之處；你必保佑我脫離苦難，以得救的樂歌，四面環繞我。」

然後好像神用8-11節在回應詩人的禱告：

「我要教導你，指示你當行的路；我要定睛在你身上勸戒你。

你不可像那無知的驢馬，必用嚼環轡頭勒住它；不然，就不能馴服。

惡人必多受苦楚，唯獨倚靠耶和華的，必有慈愛四面環繞他。

你們義人應當靠耶和華歡喜快樂，你們心裏正直的人，都當歡呼。」

因我在讀這段經文時，心裏浮現出我那些朋友所說的話，我便知道聖靈用這段經文來回應我，正如約翰福音14:26節所說一樣：

「但保惠師，就是父因我的名所要差來的聖靈，祂要將一切的事指教你們，並且要叫你們想起我對你們所說的一切話。」

然後我心裏面慢慢的生出一個問題，想着究竟怎樣的人才算是正直人呢？然後聖靈讓我閱讀傳道書7:29節記載的時候：

「我所找到的，只有一件，就是神做人原是正直，但他們尋出許多巧計。」

回想起我的問題，然後我便心裏明白，一個在神面前正直的人，是不會像亞當夏娃一般，推卸自己犯罪的責任給別人的，或逃避自己所犯的過錯的，又或是覺得自己比較其他罪人更聖潔，有些人是抵死的。正直人，是會當聖靈將他的罪顯露在心裏以後，會在神面前承認自己所犯的過犯，求主饒恕他的。也像大偉王，除了在他一生中唯一所犯借刀殺人，殺了烏利亞，搶人妻子的罪以後，他仍被神認同是一生中除了那罪並沒有違背祂一切所吩咐的。而且大偉王在那殺人搶妻的罪上，並沒有因神藉着先知拿單去責備他，老羞成怒不肯認罪，像他以後的以色列諸王一般，反因神的責備，向神回應說：「我得罪耶和華了！」。這樣的人，便是正直人了。正直人是會聽從聖靈的教導，接受聖靈的勸戒，承認自己的罪過，行在神藉着聖靈的引導當中，所當行認罪悔改的路。而且一個會因聖靈引導而認罪悔改的人，才會明白救恩的可貴，才會不害怕自己的過犯被聖靈光照出來。正如路加福音1:77節記載：

「叫他的百姓因罪得赦，就知道救恩；」

我們人若不在聖靈的工作下認罪，若不悔改與認罪的心相稱，若只是希望信耶穌以後，便能逃避將來主再來時，神的忿怒的話，神所放在我們人類心裏的永生，是不可能會落實的。正如我們現在一樣，即使我們拿了在其他國家的公民証，我們若受了COVID-19的病毒感染，我們也不可能用公民証進入那國家當中，因為我們受到病毒（罪惡）感染，你試想想那國家的海闗人員，會讓我們進入境內嗎？或者有人會搏一搏，覺得那海關官員不會知道自己受到病毒感染，但請你記住，那天國的海關官員，也是我們的創造主，是我們的王，是我們的主耶穌，他很清楚我們有沒有受到病毒感染。若我們不認自己有病，去看醫生（我們的主）求診，求醫生醫治我們的疾病，我們所感染的病毒（罪），是永遠不能被醫治好的。有些人或者會想，我即使受了感染，或者我自己的身體能夠對抗病毒，慢慢回復健康也不是不可能的。兒呀，我只會在這一封信中對你說，屬靈的病毒，是我們人類自願受感染的，也是自己醫不好的，只有經歷認罪悔改，才會明白主耶穌有多麼愛我們這些自求我道的人類，神將自己的標準放低至只要我們願意向祂低頭，祂便已經應許會饒恕我們的程度。不低頭不求醫，不受聖靈在心中照明黑喑，不悔改，是沒有能力可以自己去體會神所賜從救恩而來永生盼望的實在性的。就像一個人學習空中跳傘，他在學習當中，會知道很多知識和作出準備，但當他第一次在飛機上跳出去的時候，心裏也是會緊張和擔心的，因為之前從未試過跳出飛機。從神而來的救恩和永生的盼望，也是像一個人從未試過空中跳傘一樣，無論那人之前有多麼充足的準備和知識，當他真正的跳出去（離開世界）那一刻，也會因為以前未曾有這樣的經歷，而感到惶恐和害怕的。但當我們在聖靈的引導底下，照出內在曾有的黑暗面時，在主耶穌面前，認罪悔改，得着赦免以後，心裏面以前那些只是頭腦知識的救恩和永生的盼望，便會在心靈裏面結出實在的果實了。所以，未曾求過主耶穌赦免我們的罪的人，是不會真正明白約翰一書1:9節所說的真實的：

「我們若認自己的罪，神是信實的，是公義的，必要赦免我們的罪，洗淨我們一切的不義。」

那麼從上而來得救和永生的盼望，便只會是我們頭腦的知識，而不是因為罪得赦免所生出來救恩的親身體會。既然只是頭腦的知識，自己從未曾經歷赦免，也未曾常常在生活裏，經歷聖靈的光照，知道主真的只要我們肯從心裏認罪，祂便會赦免我們，賜給赦罪的平安，又怎能真正從心底裏生出永生的盼望呢？又怎會不留戀這世界，而不盼望離開這世界回到天家，去見那愛我們赦免我們的罪的神呢？爸爸重申對你實實在在的再講一次，你要緊記在心裏，爸爸只知道有聖靈光照而認罪悔改的人，才會真正明白救恩的可貴，才會有永生的盼望而且不會在呼吸世上最後一口氣的時候，茫茫然不知自己死後會到那裏去而害怕，會喜樂的等待，渴慕返天家見主的面的。

救恩是從凡事被聖靈顯露出來，懇求神饒恕，被神赦免當中，才能真正知道救恩的可貴，和我們的神是多麼愛我們的！那能改變自己惡習的動力，甚至乎為明辨愛我們的神的真實，而被恥笑或受凌辱或因此而被殺害，也是心甘情願，這是從聖靈引導，從被赦罪而來所生出對神那不離不棄的愛的回應的結果。我們的神，只讓門徒如彼得，多馬，保羅等，那一個不是在跟隨自我喜惡，悔改認罪以後，被主饒恕，被聖靈引導，才會走上那死也不懼怕，也要證明主耶穌是神的兒子，是我們的救主呢？ 而且常常被聖靈光照而願意作出正面悔改的回應的人，便會因不抗拒聖𩆜的引導，得到主耶穌和天父的同在，讓悔改的人成為主的好朋友，天天同在，有困難祂幫助你，有疾病祂醫治你，有自以為義祂糾正你。正如約翰福音14:21與23節和15:14節所說：

「有了我的命令又遵守的，這人就是愛我的；愛我的，必蒙我父愛他，我也要愛他，並且要向他顯現。

…

耶穌回答說：”人若愛我，就必遵守我的道；我父也必愛他，並且我們要到他那裏去，與他同住。”」

「你們若遵行我所吩咐的，就是我的朋友了。

以後我不再稱你們為僕人，因僕人不知道主人所作的事；我卻稱你們為朋友，因我從我父所聽見的，已經多告訴你們了。」

爸爸的知識有限，但我也從未聽過有任何宗教或理念，像創造天地的神在聖經所記載的，會因人悔改認罪，回到天父的懷抱，這是有多麼大的榮幸，可以與創造天地的神成為好朋友，永不分離。爸爸以前覺得永生就是將來可以返天家，到悔改以後才慢慢的知道，永生對我的定義，就是人因悔改而與永恆的創造主重新聯絡起來，天天與他同在，被祂引導，因祂的永活和永恆，以至爸爸無論在那裏，也擁有永生與神同在的盼望。聖靈只讓爸爸從認罪悔改這方向去明白救恩和永生的關係，這也是我能夠留下給你我一生中認識神的愛，最寶貴的經歷。我們人類的私慾，就像廁所一樣，就算你不用它，它也會慢慢的粘着塵埃，約不定時間清洗，便會慢慢的生出污跡來。我的兒子，你若是感覺我所說的比喻，很難聽進心裏，這是正常的，因為我們人類是在一個誓不低頭，適者生存的現實社會中生活，每件事事情都要看得見的和有價值的才是對的，無論內在如何，外在總要做得夠體面，才不會被人嘲笑。要我們接受創造天地與萬靈的神，祂愛我們，差祂的愛子耶穌基督，為我們的罪而被釘死在十字架上，我們還可以接受，但要低頭認錯，便會覺得很困難，寧願自以為自己比其他罪人好得多，神一定會愛我這個人，因為我沒有犯世上所定為罪惡的事情。但約伯在約伯記第九章中卻紀載一個事實：

「…但人在神面前怎能成為義呢？

若願意與祂爭辯，千中之一也不能回答。

祂心裏有智慧，且大有能力。誰向神剛硬而得享通呢？

…

我雖有義，自己的口要定我為有罪；我雖完全，我口必顯我為彎曲。」

曾經有一個傳道人與我分享一番說話，我大概記得是這樣的：

「神整個救贖計劃裏，罪得赦免，並不是祂的最終目的，神最終的目的是與我們這些被祂所做的人同在於生活中每一刻。但罪不被赦免，神與人同在的可能性，便變成不可能了。所以天父差派自己的愛子，主耶穌基督來到世間，以無罪代替有罪的，讓我們人類可以靠着信靠主耶穌，作為我們的中間人，讓我們能夠從日常生活中所犯的罪的捆綁當中，可以重新被釋放出來，與創造我們的神，一生同行每一天。」

我的兒子，神將永生放在我們世人心裏，然而神的作為，我們世人不能參透，但當我們在聖靈引導底下，被照出心中的隱情，求神饒恕我們以後，那不斷被光照，求饒恕，然之後被赦免的心，便會慢慢因為神不離不棄的愛，生出謙卑痛悔的靈，與所信的道調和，願意親近那愛我們的神，聆聽聖靈在心裏面的教導，天天閱讀神的話，等候天父藉着聖靈在我們讀神的話的時候，對我們說話，而慢慢地擁有了耶穌基督的心，不再容易自以為義，甚至乎就算被心中的私慾打倒了，也因為不怕聖𩆜的光照而回到主面前承認自己的過錯，被神饒恕而再站起來，行那一生天父要他走的道路，天天在那道路上，看見創造天地的神，在生活裏的活生生的出現和帶領，與那謙卑的人同行。

但願那用自己聖潔的寶血買贖我們的神的兒子主耶穌基督，那能保守我們一生活在主裏面，那從天父所差來活在我們心中的聖靈，常常在你心中引導你，去體會祂的愛和憐憫，引導你明白真理，以致你一生也不會害怕聖靈的光，照在你心中的陰暗處，清洗乾淨，天天與愛我們的神同在同行！你只要不因害怕，回到祂面前來，讓祂判斷你，第一二次的時候，雖然難受，但之後便會親身體會知道神是因為愛我們，而不會再感到害怕的了。正如約翰一書4:18節所說：

「愛裏沒有懼怕；愛既完全，就把懼怕除去。因為懼怕裏含着刑罰，懼怕的人在愛裏未得完全。」

這是爸爸親身的體會，祈願聖靈在你往後的一生中，讓你明白祂的心意，阿們！

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我的兒子，這封和往後的信是為你寫的，這些信中所提及的，你或許現在還不能完全明白。但正如申命記29:29節所說：「隱秘的事，是屬耶和華我們神的；」我只可以祈求聖靈引導你，明白祂要你明白的事情，甚至明白和體會比爸爸能夠寫下來的更透徹，更能讓你一生中每天回到主面前。你可以當這是爸爸預先留下給你我一生中最寶貴的，當中記載主耶穌怎樣憐憫爸爸，預早二十多年前，藉着聖靈讓我聽見祂的聲音，應許和勉勵，引導爸爸回到祂懷抱的點滴，也記載了聖靈怎樣讓爸爸明白何謂罪，為何只有主耶穌親自來到世間，為我們的罪死在十字架上，用祂的寶血遮蓋我們人類罪的源頭，同時也需要聖靈在我們心中引導，我們因為回應愛我們的神，才會放棄自我，才能得救！你可能會覺得，爸爸為什麼將最寶貴的經驗，放在網上讓其他人看，就連自己的兒子也未曾首先看到？兒子呀，不要忘記，我最寶貴的經驗和教訓，我常常也對你説，那些根本都是爸爸從聖靈那裏領受回來的，那原本不是屬於我的，是耶和華創造天地的神，開恩憐憫我，所以我才得知道，去走那條進入天國的窄路。所以那原本不屬於我的，若神容許我説，我是要對別人宣講我們的神是活着的。若然不宣講神是住在我們中間的神，我便如路加福音19:12-27節紀載，那僕人從主人得了一錠銀子，卻將主人給他的，不去作生意，賺取更多，反而收收埋埋，包在手巾裹存着，直到主人得國回來受到責罰。所以我不能只對你說，神是活的，而且住在我們中間，若然其他人能從當中知道了，認識創造天地的至高神，有多麼的愛我們這些罪人，而願意向祂放下自我，認罪悔改，那麼我便不會在再見主耶穌的時候，被責罰了。而且爸爸不是常常與你同在嗎？神在爸爸身上所作一切的事，你不是常常聽到嗎？所以聖靈若容許我述説祂的慈愛和真實，便讓其他人也一同聽吧。

我會將我怎樣遇見至高神的經歷，分開數篇，每一篇以一個生活小片段，說給你知道。有些生活片段，爸爸曾經告訴你，但在當中爸爸學到最重要的教訓，因為你那時候年紀還小，所以還不能明白。爸爸在這裏，會在每一個生活片段以後，給你記下爸爸所領受到最重要的事情。你要留心緊記，不可以忘記。兒啊，你常對我說：「爸爸，我已經聽過，我已經知道，已經明白，你不用對我重複的講了！」你知道我為何常常要重複的講嗎？是因為你知道了又如何，明白了又怎樣，你會否因為你所知道明白的，而願意牢牢的記在心裏，謹守遵行與神同在嗎？而且若你以為自己知道甚麼，按你所當知道的，你仍是不知道。我不希望你以為爸爸用聖經的說話，令你煩擾，所以爸爸不會將我在聖經中所領受到所有的，清楚記在這裏，你若是記得爸爸所說的，在你以後一生讀聖經祈禱的日子裏，住在我們心裏的聖靈，會讓你記起爸爸曾對你述說的，那些祂想對你說的一切話。但若是重要的，我會提及在聖經那裏可以找到，正如約翰一書2:27節，你要好好的記在心裏，日夜思想，不要忘記，願聖靈保守你的心，直到見祂面的日子，阿們！

「你們從主所受的恩膏，在你們心裏，並不用人教訓你們，自有主的恩膏在凡事上教訓你們。這恩膏是真的，不是假的：你們要按這恩膏的教訓，住在主裏面。」

爸爸第一次聽見聖靈對我說話

那時候，爸爸剛剛接受主耶穌作我個人的救主, 所以照着牧師所說的，去讀聖經祈禱。有一天，我在禱告的時候竟睡着了，數分鐘之後才醒過來，然後心裏面覺得很慚愧，對着創造天地的神，對祂說話的時候竟然會睡着了，不知為何，爸爸想對神說一聲對不起。所以我便低着頭，禱告對神說：「神啊，對不起，我竟然在和祢說話的時候，睡着了。請祢原諒我，若果祢想責備我，便請對我說吧！」然後爸爸便靜靜的在心中等候，忽然在我心裏邊有一把聲音出現，不知從哪裏來，對爸爸說：「當信主耶穌，你和你一家都必得救。」那時候，我心裏很驚訝，從心底裏發出一個問題，原來神真的能對我們說話的嗎？我心裏便想再試一試，免得自己是在發白日夢，所以爸爸便再低下頭禱告説：「神啊，若果真是祢對我說話，請祢再說一次，可以嗎？」然後爸爸便靜靜的在心中等候，忽然那聲音再一次的出現，對我說：「不要怕，只要信。」自此以後，爸爸的一生中，也不能忘記那聲音。那聲音充滿威嚴，不知從那裏來，也不知從那裏去，雖然很多時候都只是輕輕的出現，卻大有能力，滿有慈愛，就算是責備的說話，也沒有世人因厭惡而審判的意味在當中，到現在我才知道，那是一種審判中有愛的責備，在爸爸過去的經歷，神對爸爸的責備，大部分也不只是神用聽得見的聲音，直接對我說，在很多的時候，還會讓我心中浮現一些以前發生的事情，爸爸便好像一個傍觀者，在現場重新再看見自己所說所想或所作的事，以致爸爸在那刻裏明白過來，自己所作的，究竟真正的動機是為了什麼，讓我無可推諉，以致我可以求主饒恕我。兒呀，你一定要去明白和接受，這只會是聖靈的工作，不是單單自我反省便可以改變過來的事情，我若只懂得自我反省，卻不求聖靈的光照和寬恕，就像以往一位朋友對我所說的一樣，我就像一隻貓不斷的去追逐自己那短小的尾巴，追一生也不會抓着的！約翰福音16:7-13節也有相同的記載：

「然而，我將真情告訴你們：我去是你們有益的，我若不去，保惠師（聖靈）就不到你們這裏來；我若去，就差祂來。

祂既來了，就要叫世人為罪，為義，為審判，自己責備自己；

為罪，是因他們不信我；

為義，是因我往父哪裏去，你們就不再見我；

為審判，是因這世界的王受了審判。

我還有好些事要告訴你們，但你們現在擔當不了。

只等真理的聖靈來了，祂要引導你們明白一切的真理；因為他不是憑自己說的，乃是把它所聽見的都說出來，並要把將來的事告訴你們。」

我試舉一個例子說明。你還記得你曾經同我講，聖靈讓我的公司同事和上司，腦海一片空白，不能回答一個簡單的提問嗎？之後，爸爸有一次與一個朋友對話，分享救恩，談了很久，那個朋友一直對爸爸所說主耶穌是真真實實活着的神，但他也不相信，我差不多和他討論了兩小時，他也是用理性去解釋我所分享主耶穌怎樣帶領我的經歷，只是我個人的主觀想法，若是一個不信耶穌是神的兒子的人，或是有其他宗教信仰的人來說，他們的解說，也會不同。後來我對他說，聖靈怎樣在工作上幫助我，解決工作裏的一個公司政治而出現在我管理的團隊當中的危機，但是，爸爸在最後說出聖靈怎樣讓我問出一個簡單而所有人也不能回答的問題時，爸爸因為不想再被那朋友再次提出反駁，心裏面竟然將對方不能回答那簡單提問的時間，由幾十秒鐘，說作十數分鐘，我不知道為什麼在那一刻裏，心裏有說謊話的念頭出現，而且我還認同那意念，認為這樣說，我的朋友便不能反駁我了。當我說出十數分鐘的時候，心裏面有一微小聲音忽然出現，對我輕輕的說：「你知道自己在說謊嗎？」那一刻裏，聖靈讓爸爸知道自己犯罪說謊話，但是我在那一刻和朋友在一起的時候，不願意承認。然後，自己所犯的事情，在爸爸回到家中的時候，原來真的可以很快便忘記得一乾二淨的。但是，在那天晚上，爸爸在讀聖經的時候，原本是在看其他書卷，但因為一句出現在心裏的經文，是箴言16:2節：

「人一切所行的，在自己眼中看為清潔；唯有耶和華衡量人心。」

我便翻開到箴言第16章開始閱讀，一直讀到箴言第19章，當我讀到第五節的時候，那裏說：

「作假見證的，必不免受罰；吐出謊言的，終不能逃脫。」

那時候，爸爸的心裏閃現我對朋友說謊話的情景，雖然那景象很蒙糊，但是爸爸是應該記得的。那時候的我，我不記得自己在想什麼，還是不願意認罪，只是在讀第9節的時候，那裏說：

「作假見證的，不免受罰；吐出謊言的，也必滅亡。」

閱讀的時候，我心裏飛快的再次出現我對朋友說謊話的情景，讓爸爸的心裏面很不舒服，就在爸爸想起身離開，逃避不想再看下去的時候，當我起身的那一剎那，我再次在心裏看見自己說謊話的情景，那一刻我在心裏看得很清楚，好像自己是在那裏看着自己說謊話一樣，使自己無可推諉。那一刻我雖然很難受，但爸爸知道聖靈在提醒我，我便在心裏面禱告，承認自己說謊話作假見證，得罪了神，求我的神饒恕我，直至爸爸心裹重新有那一份赦罪的平安為止。所以爸爸是真正經歷說謊言的假見證和撒謊的舌，正如箴言6:17和19節所說的，是耶和華我們的神所恨惡的。也正如箴言16:2節所說，我們這被做的人一切所做的事，在自己眼中看為清潔；卻唯有耶和華創造天地的神衡量人心。祂是知道我們一切所講所做或所想的事情的真相，世上沒有一個人能夠逃離祂的判斷！但爸爸是從心裏面感到敬畏和佩服創造天地的神，祂並不以有罪為無罪，反倒因為愛我如親生的兒女一樣，責備我，讓我看見自己的罪孽，以致爸爸能夠在神面前認罪悔改，罪得赦免，繼續與愛我的神同行。

所以在讀神的話的時候，有這樣的情況出現，是正常的，無論神籍着聖靈讓你心裏看見甚麽事情，也不要因此而害怕，創造天地的神是滿有慈愛和憐憫的！我們人類日光中或暗地裏，所想所做一切的事情，連隱藏的事，神都必審問。但神這樣做，是為我們好的。正如你若做錯了事情，爸爸媽媽無論有多麼愛着你，也一定要你認錯，甚至責罰你，你才會知道自己做錯了，以致不會一錯再錯，被那惡者進了你的心。聖靈曾在爸爸閲讀以下的聖經經文時，記起犯罪之後的後果，和我們的神並不以有罪為無罪，祂愛我們，所以才管教我們這屬於祂的兒女，也只有認罪悔改，才能活在主的同在裏。

創世記4:7:

「你若行得好，豈不蒙悅納？你若行得不好，罪就伏在門前；它要戀慕你，你卻要制服它。」

傳道書12:14:

「因為人所作的事，連一切隱藏的事，無論是善是惡，神都必審問。」

馬太福音12:36-37:

「我又告訴你們，凡人所說的閒話，當審判的日子，必要句句供出來；

因為要憑你的話，定你為義；也要憑你的話，定你有罪。」

希伯來書12:5-6,10-13,25節：

「…”我兒，你不可輕看主的管教，被祂責備的時候，也不可灰心；

因為主所愛的，祂必管教，又鞭打凡所收納的兒子。”

…

生身的父都是暫隨己意管教我們；唯有萬靈的父母管教我們，是要我們得益處，使我們在他的聖潔上有份。

凡管教的事，當時不覺得快樂，反覺得愁苦；後來卻為那經練過的人結出平安的果子，就是義。

所以，你們要把下垂的手，發酸的腿，挺起來；

也要為自己的腳，把道路修直了，使瘸子不至歪腳，反得痊愈。

…

你們總要謹慎，不可棄絕那向你們說話的；因為那些棄絕在地上警戒他們的，尚且不能逃罪，何況我們違背那從天上警戒我們的呢？」

我的兒子，在你一生裏面，就算你沒有什麼大的成就，對比起你不能聽見聖靈那在你心裏面微小的呼喚，什麼成就或美名，也不算得什麼。因為聽見聖靈的呼喚，對祂的聲音或教導敏感而作出正面的回應，是關乎你的救恩的，因為在約翰福音3:5節，主耶穌曾說：

「我實實在在的告訴你，人若不是從水和聖靈生的，就不能進神的國。」

也是你能否在一生之中，看得見或看不見你的神與你同在，親眼看見或是風聞有神的同在, 只是自以為拿了天國的直通車票或是你自己親身體會成為天國的兒女的關鍵！兒呀，我重申一次，你一定要切記，晝夜的思想，天父賜下聖𩆜給我們每一個神的兒女，祂不是只𧶽下聖靈給牧師，傳道人或聖職人員，是因為我們每一個神的兒女，都需要聖靈光照，從自我感覺良好，自以為義的心態中，被拯救出來，愛我們的主耶穌，會藉着聖靈在每一個神的兒女一生中，用不同的方法對我們說話的，又或浮現出來以前所發生的事情，去引導我們的一生，回到祂面前去投靠祂。只是我們是否願意聽進心裏，對聖靈的引導作出正面的回應，或者棄之門外，好像從來聽不到，也看不見一樣。聖靈曾將以下的意念，放在爸爸心裏：「你要知道我怎樣與你溝通，就像你知道你的太太和兒子，怎樣與你說話一樣，他們言語中所表達的意思和心裏的想法。你若只是對其他人說，你怎樣愛你太太和兒子，他們怎樣愛你，但是當你與太太或兒子獨處的時候，他們是怎樣表達自己的想法，用甚麼的途徑與你說話，你也不知道的話，那麼你便還未懂愛他們，只是用他們在人前表現自己，抬高自己的社會地位。」所以，當爸爸兩年之前，悔改認罪以後，我便開始留意神是怎樣藉着聖靈與我溝通的。這是聖靈親自在我願意留心去聽他的說話的時候，對我那自感慚愧的禱告的回應，正如詩篇138篇6節所講：

「耶和華雖高，仍看顧低微的人；祂卻從遠處看出驕傲的人。」

所以，兒子啊，你要緊記在一生裏學習謙卑自己，回到神的寶座前來，去學習聆聽聖𩆜在你心裏面說話的各種方法，敏感那微小的聲音，學習分辨那眾多內在聲音的源頭，那一把聲音是真正從聖靈而來的。曾經有一對傳道人夫婦，他們對我說：「我們人類要學習聆聽聖靈的聲音，最好的辦法是跪下在地上，讓自己的心靈能夠謙卑下來，在我們一生中學習服侍神裏面，我們發覺在神面前跪下來，讀聖經和禱告，是最有效的辦法。」這是發生在20多年前的事，但爸爸坦白的告訴你，在爸爸還未曾在兩年前悔改以先，我從未能夠恆切的在神面前跪下來讀聖經和禱告，超過數天，那時候即使跪下來的時候，心裏面總感覺自己好像不太情願跪下來似的，而且有很多事情會在腦海裏面不斷的出現，吸引我離開專注讀聖經禱告的心思。在最壞的情況底下，爸爸嘗試過跪下了多於30分鐘，但未曾能夠專注去看聖經多於十數秒鐘，便不斷被心裏所浮現的其他事情所吸引去了那裏，口裏雖然仍然在讀聖經的經文，心裏卻已經飛了去數千里外的雲端。曾有一個朋友向我提問，既然這麼困難，那為什麼你仍然要堅持繼續嘗試讀聖經和禱告呢？爸爸在那時候才自己想一想，究竟為什麼？然後，爸爸從心裏面說出來：「因為神藉着聖靈曾經對我說話，雖然那時候沒有任何其他人，曾對我說聖靈會對我們說話的，但在聖經裏邊卻記載了創造天地的神怎樣常常與人對話的事情，我也在第一次聖靈對我說話以後，知道聖靈是真的住在我的心裏，所以我好想再聽一下祂對我說話，也不知為何，就這樣過了20多年卻仍然不想放棄。」我感謝神，祂在聖經裏面應許了，尋找的，就尋見；叩門的，就給他開門。又在羅馬書10:20-21節記載：

「又有以賽亞放膽說：”沒有尋找我的，我叫他們遇見；沒有訪問我的，我向他們顯現。”

至於以色列人，祂說：”我整天伸手招呼那悖逆頂嘴的百姓。”」

所以，那如我一般叛逆頂嘴和自求我道的人，愛我們的神，每當我願意低頭謙卑下來的時候，也讓我遇見他，也向我顯現。

兒啊，我將這封信，分作上下兩部份，讓你可以慢慢的看，仔細的思想。但願那能保守你住在你心中的聖靈，使你一生無瑕無疵回到愛我們的主耶穌的施恩寶座前，使你得憐恤蒙恩惠，直到再見主面的日子，阿們！

打倒了，卻不致死亡（下)

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序-從聖靈而來的呼喚，心靈裏的見證視像化？

Preface – Internal Visualization of Testimony, the Calling from Holy Spirit?

I accepted Jesus as the Son of God and my personal Savior for about thirty years.  I made decisions from time to time according to my own will even as a believer. Therefore, I did not see the Grace from God and presence of my God with me every day.  Even though it is the fact, what said in Isaiah 65:1 was truth.

“I permitted Myself to be sought by those who did not ask for Me; I permitted Myself to be found by those who did not seek Me. I said, ‘Here am I, here am I,’ To a nation which did not call on My name.”

The Holy Spirit often used some methods to let me experience how God is calling to His children. But when I shared with other Christians that our God is alive and living among us, others did not have such experience and found it too unbelievable that they could not think through their logical thinking of their own heads, so they did not believe it. A close friend of mine honestly said to me: “These are just your experience. I am not saying that you are lying or that you have a problem with your head. It is okay to listen to it, but I am not there to see it with my own eyes, and there is no way for me to empathize.”

So, before I talked about the God’s love on me, I was moved to write this preface, telling how I saw God’s living deeds in the testimony of other Christians, and how I received what I saw in my heart. Knowing that this is really evidence of the presence of our God with the witnesses. Moreover, I have a question in my heart, I hope that readers can confirm with me that what the visualized testimony in my heart sees is only the personal grace of the Holy Spirit to me, or every child of God, or even for people who have not accepted the Lord Jesus Christ as their personal Savior can have the opportunity to experience themselves. I say or, is because the premise is that no matter what image appears in our heart, it is something that we do not want to remember anymore, or it is seeing our own shortcomings. Or seeing other people’s experiences. If we do not resist the feelings at that moment, do not use our own logical thinking to explain them, and do not mistakenly think that the pastor or witness is outstanding in eloquence, or feel that the other person is scolding me. Or feel that you have never had such an experience, the other party must be lying and so on. More importantly, please do not talk to others for the time being. Just keep the touched things or words in our heart and say to God in prayer: “Jesus, is it you? Are you moving me? Do you have anything you want to say to me?” Then, in the days and times God has set, especially for the children of God, the prayer will be answered when we read the Bible every day. I do not know why I have to do this to see God’s living glory, but in the past two years, this helped me see that God is a living God among us. Since I understand this from the Holy Spirit, I hope more people can see the glory of God every day, and I hope that all glory goes to our God who created the world and lives among us, forever and ever! Amen!

One Sunday morning worship service, I listened to the pastor’s sermon and I felt that the pastor spoke really well. I felt touched in my heart. But at that time, a very small message suddenly appeared in my heart, which said this: “When Samuel was called as a child, he mistakenly thought that Levi was calling him, but I was calling him.” At that time, suddenly a door of cognition was opened in my heart, and I thought, “Why am I so stupid before? I just think that the pastor I can see is preaching well, but I do not understand that Holy Spirit is calling me in my heart.” But I slowly realized that every time I heard the sermon, I was moved. It does not always mean that Holy Spirit is calling me, and I may not because of Holy Spirit calling me to respond to Him. So, every time I was moved, if I was humbled in my soul, I would ask in my heart: “My Lord, is it you? Did you move me?” Sometimes, a small voice appeared in my heart and said: “It is I (or I AM).” Up to now, every time I hear it internally, there is peace in my heart. It makes me feel very familiar, as if I have seen and believed in the Bible. It was the Lord who responded to me. At the time of writing this preface, I seriously searched in the Bible. Why is “It is I” or “I AM” so special, and why does it seem to be so powerful? As a result, I found the answer in John 6:20! In there, Jesus said to the disciples:

“It is I, do not be afraid.”

This is the response that the Lord Jesus made to the disciples’ questions, and it is also a method of response that the Son of God can bring to the believers through Holy Spirit and the words from God in the Bible.  As the Lord Jesus said in John 14:26:

“But the Helper, the Holy Spirit whom the Father will send in My name, He will teach you all things, and remind you of all that I said to you.”

After that, I found that whenever I listened to some Christians telling their testimony, sometimes, in my heart, I seemed to be a personal witness, and I saw the Christian’s story about how Holy Spirit led him/her on the spot. Then, when I was particularly moved, I would shed tears uncontrollably. This was a surprise to me, why my own man’s heart was so weak that I often shed tears. Let me try to give an example to share with readers. When a Christian shared in my church how he was in North Korea because of evangelism, he was locked up in a concentration camp, not seeing the day. Every day in there, he would stand in the prison repeatedly and be interrogated the same questions again and again. When he was cross-examined again one day, he felt the Holy Spirit near him and said to him, “Don’t be afraid, I will increase your strength. They can’t harm you because here you have to testify for me.” When he said Holy Spirit was there giving him power through his right hand to his body, his heart was no longer afraid and had peace. While I listened, a vision appeared in my heart for some unknown reason, in the dim space that seemed to be reality. Everything is darkened. I was also in the prison with him and saw a light. My direct instinct told me that the light was the Holy Spirit. He surrounded the Christian’s right hand and gave power to him through his right hand. At that time in my heart, I was moved by the vision I saw in my heart, and the tears stayed uncontrollably, until I left the auditorium, the tears still could not stop. For this reason, I felt very embarrassed. So, after that, I wondered what the reason was, why the vision appeared in my heart when the Christian was telling his testimony, and why tears were left uncontrollably down? The eloquence of that Christian is not very outstanding, why did I have such a reaction? Why was I so sure in my heart that the light that I saw in my heart was the Holy Spirit? Why couldn’t the light seen in my heart be a lamp on the ceiling of the prison? Since then, I had been having a lot of these questions, and I really wanted to try to understand, what was the vision in my heart? Then, one day, a small voice suddenly appeared in my heart, and said to me softly:

“Who has directed the Spirit of the LORD, Or as His counselor has informed Him?”

After these two sentences appeared in my heart, slowly, my heart seemed to understand something. What I understood was that the Holy Spirit was able to share what He had done with other children of God in others’ heart. Yes, there is only one Holy Spirit, not many. It was sent by the Heavenly Father to guide all His children. Therefore, the same Holy Spirit lives in the heart of all the children of God, consolidates all of them and link them all together. When one day, I was reading Romans 8:16:

“The Spirit Himself testifies with our spirit that we are children of God,”

Thinking of this in my heart, I realized that the Spirit of God can really testify for Himself in the hearts of other people. The most important prerequisite is that the children of God who tell their testimony must speak out the original, not adding other extra unnecessary ingredient to it, exaggeration or boasting themselves having the experience. It is because the God who created the heavens and the earth never needs others to exaggerate words that are false or self-exalted, to witness Him! Those witnesses who tell the truth about what God has done to them will return the focus of their testimony to the true God who created the heavens and the earth, and the Holy Spirit will go with them and witness His grace in the hearts of others. And we, the children of God in the audience, because the precious blood of the Lord Jesus flows in our souls, covering our sin of asking for our own way. If we do not activate our logical thinking to analyze and explain the content of the testimony, it will be possible not to be ignored and for us to visualize the testimony sharing by the Holy Spirit. So that we can see God’s deeds on those witnesses. As for those friends who have not accepted the Lord Jesus Christ as their Savior, whether they can see in their hearts what the witnesses said about God’s deeds, I was not sure before, but one day in my heart, I once had the following message appeared:

“Every person on earth, their spirit is given by me.”

Then one day, when I read Isaiah 42:5, it said:

“This is what God the LORD says,

Who created the heavens and stretched them out,

Who spread out the earth and its offspring,

Who gives breath to the people on it

And spirit to those who walk in it:”

My question came to my mind again, I then knew that Holy Spirit had guided me to understand the answer He gave me. Since the spirit of all people on earth all come from God, then, I believe that whether they accept the Lord Jesus or not, everyone in this world, the Holy Spirit can touch them in the depths of their souls.

Before writing this article, the author once saw a term called “Inattentional Blindness”, by definition in Wikipedia, which occurs when an individual fails to perceive an unexpected stimulus in plain sight, purely as a result of a lack of attention rather than any vision defects or deficits. It is probably mean that when we, people, only focus on seeing something that we understand or familiar with, other things that are more obvious and can be seemed or felt will become invisible or invisible because of what we are focusing on. But the author himself has this problem. If it were not for the reminder of the Holy Spirit living within me, the author would not have known that I was so ignorant before. I did not know that God was calling me so that I could see God doing wonderful things on the witnesses. Instead, I used all the knowledge I could understand to explain the reason for the touch in my heart, thus ignoring the calling from the Holy Spirit in me. I sincerely hope that all readers of this article will be able to see in their hearts what the Holy Spirit does in the lives of other Christians. I pray that Holy Spirit reviewing to us the Father’s will in His time so that all of us will be able to see the truth of our God in the heart of all of us. HE is alive and has been living in the heart of all sinners including me who have been saved by His Grace and Mercy forever and ever, Amen!

Finally, before the end of this article, I want to share one thing with the readers, as the end of this article, and I also want to use this incident to try to cite with the readers, internal visualization of other testimony is possible. As long as any one of us is willing, will the visualization appear in anyone’s heart? If there is any image in the reader’s mind while reading it, please share it with me after reading this article, I will be very thankful of your sharing. (Until now, a reader responded that he also had the experience of visualization of other testimony in his heart, which proves that this is the power of the Holy Spirit given to the world to experience Him!)

On a Sunday afternoon, I drove to a company that sells timber. After buying dozens of eight-foot-long fences and several seven-foot-long 4″x2″, I found out that there was more than one foot of wood in the trunk cannot be fitted inside the car. Therefore, the tailgate door cannot be closed, and there is no rope to fix the wood in place. At that time, I was wondering whether I needed to rent a truck to send the wood home first. At that time, a small voice appeared in my heart and said to me, “Why don’t you ask me?” Then, I wonder whether this was the voice of the Holy Spirit, so I responded in my heart, “Lord, is it you?” When I asked, a small voice in my heart said to me, “I AM.” Although there was peace in my heart at that time, I still wondered if I was too eager to hear from God so that I were having an illusion deceiving myself. So, I asked in my heart again, “Lord, please forgive me for my lack of confidence. Did you speak to me just now?” Then, the phrase “I AM” appeared again naturally, and this time I recognized the voice of the Holy Spirit. I said to the Lord in my heart, “Lord, the timber at the rear of the car is not tied tightly. Can I go home like this?” Holy Spirit then said to me, “Go with peace.” I hesitated for a while because it did not pass through my mind that I would be safe going home like this. I did not know the reason why and I finally believed. So I closed the rear tailgate door gently on the wood. I slowly drove home from some small roads, and on some up-sloping roads, I prayed in my heart, “Lord please protect me to return home safely, because you told me to go home peacefaully, please don’t make me ashamed of trusting in You.” On the final journey, the biggest challenge was to drive the uphill road for about 10 minutes, and the road was about 30 degree upwards. When I was driving uphill, I turned my prayers into hymns, and sang some ugly songs repeatedly, “Because you told me to return home peacefully, please don’t make me ashamed of trusting in You, O Lord!” Because of this singing of hymns, I did not stop the car before the last 35-degree upwards slope and drove up directly. When I parked in front of the driveway of my house, I got out of the car and went to the back. At the rear of my car, I found that the wood was not thrown out of the rear of my car because of the uphill road. Every piece of the wood was still tightly attached to my car box! I thanked God very much in my heart and said to the Lord, “Lord, I thank you! Thank you for keeping me back home safely! You are worthy of my trust!” Then after this incident, a message appeared in my heart repeatedly. I then slowly and attentively paid attention to it only trying to understand the meaning of the message. The meaning of the message is like this: “If everything has to go through your head, to understand, to analyze before you believe. Then, what you believe is your own understanding, and you do not actually believe in me but believe in yourself. Then, repentance and confession, forgiveness of sins, and the assurance of eternal life will not take root in your heart.” Readers, will the same words be what the Holy Spirit wants to say to you? Does everything has to be analyzed and confirmed by our own brains before we can believe it? There is a phrase called “I believe so that I may understand”. I would rewrite the phrase a little bit to say “I believe so that I may experience.” Also, Hebrews 11:1 and 11:6 said the similar thing:

“Now faith is the certainty of things hoped for, a proof of things not seen.”

“And without faith it is impossible to please Him, for the one who comes to God must believe that He exists, and that He proves to be One who rewards those who seek Him.”

I hope you believe this, listen to the calling of the Holy Spirit in your heart, and truly know that the true God who created the heavens and the earth is alive among us.  May all the glory be to the Lord Jesus Christ who loves us, forever and ever!  Amen!

This article was originally completed by now, but for some reason, in my heart, I always feel that there are still some deficiencies. Until today, I have enlightenment in my heart to know that what I still lack in this article. So, I make up the lack and share it with the readers. The spiritual experience from the Holy Spirit is a two-edged sword. It can bring people closer to the God who created the heavens and the earth. It can also be used by the devil, so that we can slowly get away from God’s will, and we will not even know it. If the spiritual experience we have is used to judge what other people are telling, is it from God? Or is the other party boasting a lie? Then, we sit on the judgement chair where only God can sit on it and become judges ourselves. The secret of victory is to realize that judgement without love is sin. I had also gone through many unexplained lessons and I could not find the reason why I failed to get closer to my God. But one day, I was reading John 12:47-48, I discovered that my Lord Jesus came to the world not for judgement, but to save us from sin by the will of the Father. Only the words came from His mouth from the Father will judge the world in the last days. Then, judgment without love is a violation of the will of the Father and therefore it is sin. In the name of the Lord Jesus, we can drive away the complacency of becoming a judge, and pray for the witness at the same time, and also ask the Lord Jesus to have mercy on ourselves for not loving the witness but trying to judge. In this way, the evil one who can often disturb our minds when we read the Bible and pray, will not have the opportunity to disturb our encounter with our Lord. Because the author often made this mistake, I shared my experience and lessons with the readers here. I pray that the Holy Spirit will protect everyone to overcome such temptations.

Next: Struck down, but not destroyed (Part 1 of 4)

Table Of Contents

Previous: Do I have to seek your advice first?

序-從聖靈而來的呼喚，心靈裏的見證視像化？

我接受主耶穌基督是神的兒子，是我個人的救主，差不多30年了。在這些年日當中，雖然隨己意而行，也不是每天都體會神的恩典和感受到祂的同在，但是，卻如以賽亞書65：1節所說：

「沒有稱為我名下的，我對他們說：”我在這裏！我在這裏！”」

聖靈卻常常用一些辦法，來讓我體會神對自己兒女的呼喚，是怎樣的一回事。但是當我與別的基督徒分享神是活生生的住在我們當中的時候，其他人沒有這樣的經歷，覺得太難以置信，不能通過自己腦袋的邏輯思維，便不相信了。有一位相熟的朋友，比較坦誠，對我說：「這只是你的經歷，我不是說你在說謊，或者腦袋有問題，聽聽是可以的，只是我不在那裏親眼看見，沒有辦法感同身受。」

所以我在述說主愛在我身上以先，我受感動寫下了這篇序，講述我怎樣在其他基督徒的見證裏，看見神活生生的作為，和我怎樣領受在心靈裏所看見的，知道這真是主耶穌與那講見證者同在的證據。而且，我心裏有一個疑問，希望讀者可以與我一起印證，究竟心靈裏的見證視像化所看見的，只是聖靈對我個人的恩惠，還是每一個屬神的兒女，甚至乎未接受主耶穌基督成為個人救主的朋友，都或者可以得到的恩典，我說或者，是因為前提是無論在心裏出現的是什麼的影像，是過去一些不想再想起的事情，或者是看見自己的不足，又或者是看見其他人的經歷，我們若不抗拒那刻的感受，不要開動自己的邏輯思維去解釋，也不要誤以為是眼前所看見的牧師或講見證者的口才出眾，或者覺得對方在罵我，又或者覺得自己都沒有這樣的經歷，對方一定是在說謊等等，更重要的是，暫時不要與別人談論，只要將被感動的事情或說話放在心裏，禱告裏對神說：「主耶穌啊，是你嗎？是你在感動我嗎？祢有甚麼話要對我説麼？」那麼，在神所定的日子和時間裏，特別是對信靠神的兒女，便會因所獻上的禱告，在每天看聖經的時候，得着聖靈的回應。我不知為何要這樣做才能看見神活生生的榮耀，只是在過去兩年的時間裏，這樣卻幫我能夠看見神是一個活著並且活生生的住在我們當中的神，既然我是從聖靈那裏明白得來的，我更願有更多的人能夠在每一天裏看見神的榮耀，願榮耀歸給那創造天地而且活在我們當中的神，直到永永遠遠！阿們！

一個星期日早上的主日崇拜，我聽了牧師的講道，心裏覺得牧師講得真好，我心靈裏覺得被觸動。但在那時候，心裏有一個很微小的信息忽然出現，所表達的意思是這樣的：「撒母耳作孩童時被呼召的時候，他誤以為是利未呼喚他，其實是我在呼喚他。」我在那時候，心裏面好像忽然間有一道認知的大門被打開了，心裏想：「為什麼我以前這麼笨？只是覺得眼前可以看見的牧者講道講得好，卻不明白是看不到的聖靈，在我心中呼喚我呢？」但是我慢慢地發覺，每次聽道有感動，並不代表那就是聖靈在呼喚我，而且我也不一定因為聖靈在呼喚我，我便會對祂有回應。所以每一次有感動的時候，若果我心靈裏是謙卑下來的話，我便會在心裏問：「主啊，是祢嗎？是祢感動我嗎？」有些時候，心裏有一微小的聲音說：「是我。」這句是我，到現時為止，仍然在我每一次在心中聽到的時候，都在我心靈裏邊有一份平安出現，讓我感覺十分熟悉，好像在聖經裏面曾經看見，相信是主對我作回應。在寫這序的時候，我才認真的在聖經裏面尋找，究竟「是我」為何會那樣特別，為何好像很有能力？結果在約翰福音6:20節裏讓我找到了答案！在哪裏耶穌對門徒說：

「是我，不要怕！」

這是主耶穌對門徒的疑問，所作出的回應，也是神的兒子籍着聖靈和聖經裏從神而來的說話，所能帶給信徒的一種回應方法。正如約翰福音14:26節主耶穌所說：

「但保惠師，就是父因我的名所要差來的聖靈，衪要將一切的事指教你們，並且要叫你們想起我對你們所說的一切話。」

在這之後，我發覺每當我留心在聽一些基督徒講見證的時候，有些時候，在我心裏邊，我好像是一個親身目擊者，在現場看見那基督徒所講述聖靈怎樣帶領他的事情。然後，有些特別感動的時候，我便會不自控的留下眼淚來，這是令我很驚訝的，為何自己一個男兒的心那樣軟弱，常常流眼淚。我嘗試舉一個例子同讀者分享。當有一個基督徒，在我的教會當中分享他怎樣在北韓裏，因為傳福音的緣故，被關在集中營當中，不見天日，每一天都會不斷重復的站在監牢中間，被審問同一樣的問題。有一次他再次被盤問的時候，他感覺到聖靈在他附近，對他說：「不用怕，我會加添你的力量，他們不能害你，因為在這裏你要為我作見證。」然後他講述好像有能力，從他的右手存入他的身體裏，令他的心裏不再害怕的時候，我在聆聽的時候，不知為何心裏浮現出一個視像，在朦朧中好像現實的空間裏，所有一切也暗下來，我也在那個監房當中，看見有一團光，我的直覺告訴我，那團光就是聖靈，圍繞着那基督徒的右手，然後注入他的右手中，加添他的力量。我心裏在那個時候，被心中看見的視像所感動，眼淚便不自控的留下來，直到離開禮堂以後，眼淚還是停不了。為這緣故，我覺得十分尷尬，所以之後，我在想這是甚麼原因，為何在那基督徒講述見證的時候，會有那視像出現在我的心靈中，又為何會眼淚不自控的留下來？那基督徒的口才又不是十分出眾，為何我會有這樣的反應呢？為何我心裏面這麼肯定，在我心裏面所看見的那團光就是聖靈呢？為甚麼心靈裏那所看見的光不可能是監牢天花板上的一盞燈呢？之後，我一直有好多這樣的問題出現，我好想嘗試去明白，究竟心中出現的視像，是怎樣的一回事？然後有一天，忽然從心裏出現一把微小的聲音，輕輕的對我說：

「誰曾測度耶和華的心，或作祂的謀士指教祂呢？」

在這兩句說話出現之後，慢慢地，我的心好像明白了一些東西，所明白的是這樣，聖靈是能夠將祂在別的兒女身上所作的事，與其他屬神的兒女在心中分享的，聖靈只有一位，並不是多位，是天父差派到所有他的兒女心中作引導的，所以那同是一位的聖靈，是住在所有屬神的兒女的心中，將所有屬神的兒女，連結在一起。當有一天，我在閱讀羅馬書8:16節，

「聖靈與我們的心同證我們是神的兒女；」

我心裏想起這件事，便明白聖靈是真的能在其他人心中為自己作見證的。最重要的前提是，那講述見證的屬神的兒女，要原原本本的說出來，不能夠加鹽加醋，說誇張不實或者自誇的說話，因為那創造天地的神，從來不需要別人用誇張不實或者高舉自我的說話，去見證祂！那些將神在他身上所作的事，原原本本的講述出來的見證人，便將見證的焦點，放回創造天地的真神身上，聖靈便會與他一起同去，在別人的心靈裏，一同見證創造天地萬物的真神的真實，將祂的作為顯明在別人心裏。而那些聽衆中神的兒女，因有主耶穌的寶血，流淌在我們的靈魂中，遮蓋了我們那自求我道的罪，若然不開動我們的邏輯思維，去分析解釋那見證內容，便有可能讓心靈裏的見證視像化的情况，不會被忽略了，讓自己能看見神在那見證者身上的作為。至於那些未接受主耶穌基督做他的救主的朋友，是否能在心裏看見那見證者所說神的作為，筆者以前不太肯定，但是，有一天在我心裏邊，曾經有以下的一段訊息出現，

「每一個地上的人，他們的靈，都是由我所給予的。」

後來有一天，當我閱讀以賽亞書42:5節的時候，那裏說：

「創造諸天，鋪張穹蒼，將地和地所出的一併鋪開，賜氣息給地上的眾人，又賜靈性給行在其上之人的神耶和華，」

我想起我的問題，便知道聖靈引導我去明白祂給我的答案了。既然我們世人的靈，都是從神而來的，那麼，我相信接受主耶穌也好，不接受也好，世上每一個人，聖靈都是能夠在他們的靈魂深處觸動他的。

筆者在寫這篇文章之前，曾經看到一個名詞，叫作「疏忽性失明」，大概意思是說，當我們人只專注去看一些自己所想看或者能夠理解的東西的時候，另外那些可以看見和感受到更大的事物，也會因為自己所專注的，從而變得看不見或感受不到了。但是筆者本身也曾經有這樣的問題，若不是聖靈提醒，筆者也不會知道，自己以前是那樣愚昧，不知道是神在呼喚我，才讓我看見神在那見證者的身上，所作奇妙的事，反倒用一切自己能夠明白理解的知識，去解釋心裏面受感動的來由，從而忽略了聖靈的呼喚。我希望閱讀這篇文章的所有讀者，都能夠在心裏能夠看見聖靈在別的基督徒的生活中的作為，我祈求聖靈照天父的旨意，讓我們眾人的心裏都能夠看見神的真實，祂是活着的，並且一直活在我們這些得救蒙恩的罪人心裏，直到永永遠遠，阿們！

最後，在這篇文章結束之前，我想和讀者分享一件事情，作為這文章的結束，而且我也想藉着這件事情，嘗試與讀者一同引證，心靈裏的見證視像化，只要任何人願意，是否可以出現在任何人的心裏。若然讀者在看的時候，心裏面若出現什麼的影像，請在閱讀這文章後，與我分享，我會十分感謝你的。（直到現時為止，有一位讀者，回應他也有心靈裏見證視像化的經歷，這便證明這是聖靈賜給世人用來體會祂，可以在心裏看見永生神的真實!)

在一個週日的下午，我駕車到了一間賣木材的公司，在買下幾十片八尺長的柵欄和數片七尺長的方木之後，才發覺車子尾箱，還有一尺多的木材突出在車箱外，不能關上車尾的門，又沒有什麼可以將木材固定的繩索。那時我心裏在想，是否需要租賃一架搬運車，將木材先送回家中。正當那時候，心裏有一微小的聲音出現，對我說：「為什麼你不問我呢？」那時候，我心裏疑問這是否聖靈的聲音，所以我便在心裏問：「主啊，是祢嗎？」在我問的時候，心裏面有一微小的聲音對我說：「是我。」雖然那時候，我的心裏邊，有那份親切的平安，但是我卻仍然懷疑，是否自己太渴望聽見神的聲音，自己欺騙自己？所以我在心中問：「主啊，請你原諒我信心小，剛才是否你對我說話呢？」然後那句「是我」再次自自然然的出現，這次我才認出聖靈的聲音。我在心裏對主說：「主啊，車尾的木材，沒有綁上紮實，這樣也能夠回家嗎？」聖靈對我說：「平平安安的去吧。」我猶豫了一瞬間，因為理性告訴我這是不可能的，但是不知為何，我卻聽從了聖靈的指引。所以我便將車尾門，輕輕的掩下，揸車從一些小路慢慢的駛回家，在一些上斜的路上，我便在心裏禱告：「主啊，求祢保守我，安全回到家中，因為是祢叫我平平安安地回家的，請不要讓我因信靠祢而羞愧。」在最後的路程中，最大的挑戰，就是要駕駛大概10分鐘的上斜路，而那車路大概是向上30度。當我在駛上斜路的時候，我便將我的禱告，轉化作詩歌，用一些很難聽的歌聲，重複的唱：「主啊，因為是祢叫我平平安安地回家的，請不要讓我因信靠祢而羞愧。」也因為這樣唱詩歌的緣故，在最後那向上35度的斜坡前，我也沒有將車停下，直接地駛上去，當我停在家中的門前，我下車行到汽車尾部，我發現那些木材，一點也沒有因為上斜路的緣故，有一點兒的拋離出車尾的情況出現，每塊木材仍然是緊貼在我的車箱內！我心裏便十分感謝神，對主說：「主啊，我感謝祢！感謝祢保守我平安的回到家中！祢是值得我信賴的！」然後在這件事情之後，我心裏面蒙蒙的出現一個訊息，後來慢慢用心的去留意，才明白那訊息的意思。那訉息的意思是這樣的：「若然每一件事，都要經過你的腦袋，去理解，去分析之後，才相信的話。那麼你所相信的，便只是你自己的意思，你並不是相信我，而是信你自己。那麼，悔改認罪，罪得赦免，永生的確據，便不能在你心中生根紮實了。」讀者們，同樣的說話，會否也是聖靈想對你說的話呢？是否每一件事，也要經過我們的腦袋分析確認，我們才會相信呢？有一句短語，是這樣說的：「我相信所以我可能會明白」，但我更喜歡這樣說：「我相信所以我可能會經歷」，希伯來書11:1和11:6節也有相似的記載：

「信就是所望之事的實底，是未見之事的確據。」

「人非有信，就不能得神的喜悅；因為到神面前來的人，必須信有神，且信祂賞賜尋求他的人。」

但願你相信這話，聆聽聖靈在心靈裏的呼召，真知道創造天地的真神，是活生生的活在我們當中的。願榮耀歸給愛我們的主耶穌基督，直到永永遠遠！阿們！

這篇文章，原本到此便完成了，但是不知為何，我心裏面，總覺得還有一些欠缺的地方。直到今天，我的心裏，才有啟示，知道所欠的是什麼。所以我補寫下這欠缺的和讀者分享。從聖靈而來的屬靈經歷，是兩刃的利劍，可以讓人更加親近創造天地的神，同時也可以被魔鬼利用，讓我們慢慢的遠離了上帝的旨意，而且自己還不會知道。若果我們所擁有的屬靈經歷，便用來衡量審判其他人所講述的，是不是從神而來？又或者對方是否自誇說謊話？那麼我們便坐在那只有神才可以坐在的審判椅上，自己成為審判官了。那得勝的秘訣便是，審判別人卻不是因為愛他的緣故，便是罪了，我也是經過很多次不明不白的教訓，也找不到原因，卻有一天，在看約翰福音12:47-48節中，發現我的主耶穌，來到世上不是為審判，而是奉天父的旨意來拯救我們，從祂口中從天父而來的道，才會在末日裏審判世人，那麼那不是因為愛而拯救的審判，便違反了天父的旨意，這便是罪了。我們可以奉主耶穌基督的名，趕走那成為審判官而沾沾自喜的意念，同時為對方禱告，也求主耶穌憐憫自己那不是因為愛對方，而去審判的想法。這樣，那能夠在我們讀聖經和禱告的時候，常常來攪擾我們心思的，便沒有機會騷擾我們與主相遇了。筆者因為常常犯這個錯誤，所以我將我的體會和教訓與讀者分享，祈求聖靈保守每一位，可以勝過這樣的試探。

打倒了，卻不致死亡 (上)

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「我需唔需要問過你？」

Do I have to seek your advice first?

This was what Holy Spirit told me. It is the best using it to conclude my lesson learned from Holy Spirit from Year 2019 and 2020.

Even though I repented through the touch by the unconditional love of God at the beginning of Year 2019, I still judged and managed my relationship with others by my own personal preferences. Let me give you an example to illustrate my point. When the son of a Christian friend of mine and my son had a play date together, my friend’s son got angry during the game and pushed my son down on the floor. While my son was still crying in the arms of my wife, my friend came to us and said, “If your son like to play with my son, he has to be ready for this kind of situation.” After he said that, he turned and walked away without even asking if my son was ok. After I heard what my friend said, I was very angry internally and asked myself why the children of God with Holy Spirit living within them could say this kind of thing. Afterward, there was a lot of the accusing voice came to my heart and I picked them all up without hesitation. I judged my friend as a hypocrite that cleaning the outside of the cup but inside is full of proud and selfishness. I classified him as one of the people who did not yet repent in front of our God. After a long while, my friend changed suddenly. He became very respectful and not quite selfish anymore. I were very surprised by his change all in sudden and could not figure out why he did not act like what I thought he was anymore. Then, at that moment of puzzling, a small little whispering came to my heart from nowhere. It was Holy Spirit asking me a question. He said, “If I want him to change according to my timetable, do I have to seek your advice first?” At that moment, I aware that I were self-righteous and had sin against my God because of my personal preferences towards others. As it is written on James 4:11-12:

“Do not speak against one another, brothers and sisters. The one who speaks against a brother or sister, or judges his brother or sister, speaks against the law and judges the law; but if you judge the law, you are not a doer of the law but a judge of it.
There is only one Lawgiver and Judge, the One who is able to save and destroy; but who are you, judging your neighbor?”

I said in my heart to my God that “My Lord, I am a sinner. Please forgive me!” Even I said this to my God, the wrong doings of that brother still came to my mind quite often. I did not want to be dragged into those negative feelings again because I remembered that my Lord Jesus had forgiven my sin. Even with the good will and strength of mine, I still not quite easily escaped from those negative feelings. One day while I read Luke 6:27-37, it said,

“Love your enemies, … pray for those who are abusive to you. … Do not judge, and you will not be judged; and do not condemn, and you will not be condemned. Pradon, and you will be pradoned.”

And then later, I read Luke 6:46-48, it said,

“Why do you call me, ‘Lord, Lord.’ And do not do what I say? Everyone who comes to Me and hears My words and acts on them. … He is like a man building a house, who dug deep and laid a foundation on the rock; and when there was a flood, the river burst against that house and yet it could not shake it, because it had been well built.”

While I read the above, the struggle I had with the negative feelings came to my mind again. Then, I realized that Holy Spirit was reminding me what I should do against the negative feelings came to my mind. Also, what a missionary shared with me in the past came to my mind on how he commanded the negative feelings away from his heart by the name of our Lord Jesus. It was not the first time that Holy Spirit let me remember naturally what the missionary said. Therefore, I tried to command the negative feelings about my friend by the name of my Lord Jesus and then prayed for my friend and me when he came to my mind again. What I discovered is that it is truth! Those negative feelings were not getting my attention and eventually disappeared after I commanded them going away by the name of my Lord Jesus. If I did think I were right about those judgements and willingly pick them up again, they will not go away. Those negative feelings would still surface in my mind and try to conquer me. Then, Holy Spirit sometimes told me to bow down and pray to ask for forgiveness. When I was willing to do that and ask for forgiveness, those negative feelings would then go away. After I started praying for those brothers and sisters in Christ that did not come to my mind in good term, I discovered that I were growing more and more longing to see my Lord Jesus in heaven one day in eternity. I am longing to see the One who is speaking to me only a few seconds every time in my heart and teaching me how to deal with different things or hardships in my life. I want to say Thank you to Him in person with my own lips.

Although I could bow down to read the Scriptures and pray every day in the morning and evening, I still doubted from time to time that I were not changed completely by my God through Holy Spirit. Would it still be an illusion? Would I fall back to what I behaved as a self-righteous and self-seeking person again? The doubts were brothering me in my heart for a while. Until April 1 in Year 2019, I read John 8:36. It said:

“So if the Son sets you free, you really will be free.”

I asked in my heart to my God, “Am I free in front of you, my Lord?” A few weeks later, I was reading 2 Samuel 12:14. While I read “However, since by this deed you have shown utter disrespect for the LORD,”, there were some blurry pictures appeared in my mind. I was very afraid from the bottom of my heart and broken with sorrow and tears. My direct instinct was telling me that I did something in the past that shown utter disrespect for the LORD. I cried for a few minutes on the floor and kept asking my Lord to forgive me. For the next two days, my mind was kept thinking what I did that caused such a disgrace to my God who loves me so much. Then, there was a message came to my mind like wind from nowhere. The meaning of the message was telling me that “Let it go. I just wanted you to know that you had shown utter disrespect for Me. Do not do it again.” But from my heart, I said, “My Lord, how can I not do it again if I don’t know what I did?” Then, there was another message came to my mind. It was telling me that “you will not do it again if you love me.” At that moment, my tears came out from my eyes. I said to my God, “My Lord, I love! I love you!” If my Lord does not love me, He can let me see exactly what I did in the past in my mind. He could then judge me accordingly and He did not do that. It
is because my Lord truly loves me. He did not put my guilt as of no guilt. When I asked my Lord whether I am free in front of Him, He let me see a blurred vision of my guilt. Then, I had an opportunity to ask for forgiveness in front of Him and He then could forgive me. In my whole life on earth, I will not know what I did to cause utter disrespect to my Lord. It may because of my curiosity or because of my guilt. Even up to now, I still hope to ask my Lord in person about what I did that caused that disgrace to Him when I go back to the heavenly home. There were some brothers in Christ trying to encourage me and said, “Don’t feel guilty anymore. Let it go. Our God had forgiven you.” But one day when I read 2 Corinthians 7:10-11 and it said:

“For the sorrow that is according to the will of God produces a repentance without regret, leading to salvation, but the sorrow of the world produces death.
For behold what earnestness this very thing, this godly sorrow, has produced in you: what vindication of yourselves, what indignation, what fear, what longing, what zeal, what punishment of wrong! In everything you demonstrated yourselves to be innocent in the matter.”

Because of this, I am keeping this experience of forgiveness of my sin from God as a healed wound with a scar. It is also as a reminder to myself on how much my Lord loves me and so I will be reminded not to use my personal preferences against the will of God on me in the future. I shared this forgiveness experience with some other Christians. Some of them were just smiling at me and turned their eyes upward for a second. As if I saw in their facial expression that they said, “Give me a break! God talked to you and you said that He forgave your sins?” Also, there was a Christian came to me in person quietly when no one was around me and told me that “Let me share with you a little secret. You only have to ask for forgiveness one time and you will not need to ask for forgiveness again in your life. It was because our God had forgiven all your sins.” I feel a little bit strange of what he said because it was not what I understand from the Scriptures about forgiveness and repentance. Also, why it would be a little secret? Why would he not say it in front of other Christians and Pastors but came to me quietly to tell me that? Therefore, I prayed to God and asked why he told me that idea. Afterwards, while I read NIV version of Romans 16:17-18 and it said:

“I urge you, brothers and sisters, to watch out for those who cause divisions and put obstacles in your way that are contrary to the teaching you have learned. Keep away from them.
For such people are not serving our Lord Christs, but their own appetites. By smooth talk and flattery they deceive the minds of naïve people.”

At that moment of reading the Scriptures, I remembered what I asked my God about the brother who shared with me his little secret. I had a sudden realization that he might think I am a naïve person, a silly man! The feeling of being treated as a silly man made my anger growing gradually inside. For quite some time, the words that that Christian shared with me about “one for all” forgiveness and repentance came very often to my mind while I was reading the Scriptures or during prayers. I would think of how to tell him what he said was wrong and the reason for a long time. It was to the point that affecting the
quality of my time reading the Scriptures and my hope to meet with my Lord. One day when I read Mark 4:14-15 and it said:

“The farmer sows the word.
Some people are like seed along the path, where the word is sown. As soon as they hear it, Satan comes and takes away the word that was sown in them.”

While I was reading it, the picture of mine reading the Scriptures but unable to remember what I read from the Scripture afterwards came to my mind again. Then, I realized that the seed was taken by Satan from my heart; however, the negative feeling of being treated as a silly man kept coming to my mind. Until I realized that the consequence of picking up those negative feeling was too high in terms of the quality time with my God during prayers and Scriptures reading, I started to ask my Lord to help me when those negative feelings came again. One day a message came to my mind. It was the answer of Holy Spirit to me saying this, “My blood is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” So, I tried to ask the precious blood of my Lord Jesus to cover my sin so that I could focus to read the Scriptures and pray to Him with the hope that my Lord could listen to my prayers in His Heavenly Throne. When the negative feelings about what that Christian said to me came again, I would have the willingness to pray for him and ask my Lord to have mercy on me and on him. Then, I discovered that it was a promised treasure from my God to me that He asked me to pray for my enemies and the others that were not quite lovable to me. It is because the prayers for those people will halt the negative feelings coming to my mind and stop affecting the quality time of my praying and Scriptures reading time. Afterwards, I read 1 John 5:8, it said:

“the Spirit, the water and the blood; and the three are in agreement.”

The New King James Version said it much clear.

“And there are three that bear witness on earth, the Spirit, and the water, and blood: and these three agree as one.”

While I were reading it, I remembered most of the time up to now, I still feel my soul/spirit was shaking like water pouring into a red-hot frying pan. So, I realized that it was truth the three were in agreements in me. The following is my understanding without asking my God. I do have peace from above to share with you. I hope in the future, while I am reading the Scriptures again, Holy Spirit can confirm with me through His words of this understanding. The water is representing the repentance of sins through our Lord Jesus. Holy Spirit and the precious blood of Jesus are in agreement to review the truth and expose the sinful nature of sin from my flesh to me so that I can ask my Lord to forgive me. My Lord will use His precious blood to cover my sin as He promised and lead me going back to Him walking with Him in my whole life. This is my understanding.

Holy Spirit reviewed to me many times that He did not need me to use wise words or knowledge to witness Him. He only instructed me to tell all He had done on me plainly to others. How He reviewed my sins to me. How I asked for forgiveness and how He gave me strength and power to overcome my own sins. I only needed to share this plainly. He will witness Himself as a living God to the chosen others according to His plan and time. They will not see anything from me but Him and Him alone as a living God. I struggled for a long time inside because I asked “Could I witness you using something better other than telling others how bad I was and how you forgave me? My Lord, I still have a little bit of social status that I do not want to trash it into the garbage tank.” For a while, Holy Spirit still reminded me that I shall not be ashamed of the gospel that saved me. One day, while I read Romans 11:33-34, it said:

“Oh, the depth of the riches, both of the wisdom and knowledge of God! How unsearchable are His judgements and unfathomable His ways!
For WHO HAS KNOW THE MIND OF THE LORD, OR WHO BECAME HIS COUNSELOR?”

I remembered my struggle and what Holy Spirit reviewed to me. Then, I understood that my Lord did not need me to use wise words to witness Him. Even with this understanding, I were still worry that I were out of my mind as I did not see often Christians using this way of telling plainly to witness God. Am I walking into the dead corner of my mind? Later, I read John 7:18, it said:

“The one who speaks from himself seeks his own glory; but He who is seeking the glory of the One who sent Him, He is true, and there is no unrighteousness in Him.”

I remembered my concern naturally while I were reading the above Scriptures. Then, I knew that Holy Spirit was responding to my concern. From then on, I become fully clear that I will only have to tell others plainly of how my Lord is leading me going towards Him. This is what my Lord is asking me to do.

Do you see Jesus in my life? Do you know that Jesus is the living God who is living in every children of God on earth? Did the One who made the outside not make the inside also? The spirit of a person is the lamp of the LORD, Searching all the innermost parts of his being. Do you know when our Lord Jesus return on earth again, He will both bring to light the things hidden in the darkness and disclose the motives of human hearts?

The heart of human beings is the most troublesome container on earth. When people said something that our heart did not like, we would think that they were talking about us. When people said something that we felt lacking, we would think automatically that who do you think you are. How dare you said this to me? Do you think you are God or so holy that can say this to me? Please do not too quick to make this kind of statement in your heart. Who am I with any power that can cause the flashback of some unpleasant memory popped up in your mind again? If it was not me with any supernatural power, do you think it may be Holy Spirit trying to review something and speak to you? You can ask our God within your heart and He will answer you. It is because the one who seeks finds, and to the one who knocks it will be opened.

In the past, I was blind. God had mercy on me forgiving my sins. I got this undeserved Grace from God and He opened my eyes to understand what His salvation is. He healed my heart and reviewed to me what is God’s love? God demonstrates His own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us on the cross. With His precious blood to cover our sins, we can make peace with God and walking with Him every day on earth for our eternal life.

If the reader knew me and I had hurt you in anyway in the past, I sincerely apologize to you. Please forgive me! My God has forgiven my sins. Please do not make the mistake that I made in the past. Being self-righteous and being asked by Holy Spirit the question of “If I want him to change according to my timetable, do I have to seek your advice first?”

Do you know what Apostle Paul said in 1 Timothy 1:15-17 was truth and his personal experience? I have a very thick skin on my face and do not feel shameful to borrow this Scriptures. Adding together with
my personal experience, I used the following to conclude what I learned from my God in the last two years.

“Here is a trustworthy saying that deserves full acceptance: Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners – of whom I do not even know what I did that shown utter disrespect for the LORD. But for that very reason I was shown mercy so that in me, the worst of sinners, Christ Jesus might display His immense patience as an example for those who would believe in Him and receive eternal life. Now to the King eternal, immortal, invisible, the only God, be honor and glory for ever and ever, Amen!”

Next: Preface – Internal Visualization of Testimony, the Calling from Holy Spirit?

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