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奉主耶穌的名（中）- 一念悔改盼天家（四）

閲讀以賽亞書 57:15 節和另一次閱讀使徒行傳 19:15節之後，那裏記截：

「因為那至高至上、永遠長存 名為聖者的如此說： 我住在至高至聖的所在， 也與心靈痛悔謙卑的人同居； 要使謙卑人的靈甦醒， 也使痛悔人的心甦醒。」

「惡鬼回答他們說：”耶穌我認識，保羅我也知道。你們卻是誰呢？”」

我才明白不是那句說話有靈性，而是創造天地的神，在天上看著你和我，只有我是從心底裏全然謙卑的去信服倚靠我的救主耶穌，祂的名字所帶出來的能力，才會與我同在，可以將那惡者從我的心裏趕逐離開。

兒子，你要緊記使徒保羅在哥林多前書 2:9-16節所說的話

「如經上所記： 上帝為愛他的人所預備的 是眼睛未曾看見， 耳朵未曾聽見， 人心也未曾想到的。
只有上帝藉着聖靈向我們顯明了，因為聖靈參透萬事，就是上帝深奧的事也參透了。
除了在人裏頭的靈，誰知道人的事？像這樣，除了上帝的靈，也沒有人知道上帝的事。
我們所領受的，並不是世上的靈，乃是從上帝來的靈，叫我們能知道上帝開恩賜給我們的事。
並且我們講說這些事，不是用人智慧所指教的言語，乃是用聖靈所指教的言語，將屬靈的話解釋屬靈的事 。
然而，屬血氣的人不領會神聖靈的事，反倒以為愚拙，並且不能知道，因為這些事惟有屬靈的人才能看透。
屬靈的人能看透萬事，卻沒有一人能看透了他。
誰曾知道主的心去教導他呢？但我們是有基督的心了。」

若果不是聖靈提醒我，可以靠著主反抗，我又怎會知道我可以奉主耶穌的名，去趕走內心黑暗負面的意念呢？我一生人裏，只記起一對傳道人夫婦對我説過一次，這麼小的機會率，或者對我們人類來說，是人心未曾想到，只有儍子才會信的說話，卻與聖靈的說話互相契合，是主憐憫我，親自對我說，才讓爸爸找到勝過內心罪惡，一條行得通，而能夠讓罪人走向神的兒子救主耶穌懷抱的重生之路。這是主的恩典，我沒有可以誇口的。

我曾懷疑「奉主耶穌的名」，是否只是主對我的憐憫，是個別的。感謝神，後來有兩次不同的場合，和不同的弟兄姊妹分享。其中一個姊妹，後來對我説，她在睡覺的時候，常常想起她已離世的母親，以致不能入睡，但有一晚，她卻記起我和她們一家的分享，然後她奉主的名，趕走那份令她因憂傷思念母親，以致常常不能入睡的意念，便沒有再出現了。

另外一個主內的弟兄，我不知道他有甚麼煩惱，卻在一次偶然的機會底下，對他分享了我奉主耶穌的名，趕走內心怨恨的經歷，更對他說，有時候在夢中被打倒了，在睡醒後，聖靈叫我跪下來，向祂承認自己接受怨恨的罪，才能奉主的名，將那些黑暗的怨念趕走。後來有一天，那位弟兄與我再見面的時候，給予我一個很溫暖的擁抱，我只是感覺到他，可能也經歷了「奉主耶穌的名」的大能，但願他以後也不會再被罪惡捆綁，好好的活在聖靈的帶領，住在主裏面了。

以下的分享，是主叫我「放膽說的」，所以我才在這裏說出來。

之後，當我讀了約翰一書 4:1-6 節以後，那裏記截：

「親愛的弟兄啊，一切的靈，你們不可都信，總要試驗那些靈是出於上帝的不是，因為世上有許多假先知已經出來了。
凡靈認耶穌基督是成了肉身來的，就是出於上帝的；從此你們可以認出上帝的靈來。
凡靈不認耶穌，就不是出於上帝，這是那敵基督者的靈。
你們從前聽見他要來，現在已經在世上了。
小子們哪，你們是屬上帝的，並且勝了他們；因為那在你們裏面的，比那在世界上的更大。
他們是屬世界的，所以論世界的事，世人也聽從他們。
我們是屬上帝的，認識上帝的就聽從我們；不屬上帝的就不聽從我們。
從此我們可以認出真理的靈和謬妄的靈來。」

我心裏面十分好奇，好想知道我心裏面究竟為何會因為主耶穌的寶血，和奉主耶穌的名，而會每次都出現震慄的情況。所以有一次，當我心裏有一些負面驕傲，看別人不順眼的意念出現的時候，我為了引證約翰一書，神藉著使徒約翰所記載的話。我便在心裏面說：「我奉我救主耶穌的名，命令那剛剛在我心懷裏，發出那負面驕傲意念的靈回答我，你相信主耶穌是神的兒子，道成了肉身，來到世上嗎？」在我剛剛說「道成了肉身」的時候，那份不陌生的心靈震慄，便又再次出現。不知為甚麼，我竟然不懂得害怕，便在心裏面，奉主耶穌的名，命令那惡者遠遠的退去。然後又是一陣心靈震慄，那份驕傲看別人不順眼的意念，便消失了，不再留下半點痕跡在我心裏面。然後過了數天以後，我才意識裏出現恐懼，究竟在我心靈裏有甚麼存在？竟然可以奉主的名，趕走它！

以後的一段曰子，直到今天，我常常會對自己說的是，「弊！又中招！」，又或者說：「死嘢！又嚟？」，然後便「奉主耶穌的名」趕走它，那些負面的意念便會消失了，若然我不願意放棄那些意念，便會被怨恨捆綁。經過悔改以後，這幾年在心靈裏反抗那惡者的經歷，靠著主的寶血和祂名字的能力，我的心靈狀態才能穩定下來，不再容易被打倒。兒子，以賽亞書49:24-26節，我們的神，創造天地的耶和華親口所說的話，是真的，祂有大能力，解救被擄掠的，我便是其中一個！

「勇士搶去的豈能奪回？ 該擄掠的豈能解救嗎？
但耶和華如此說： 就是勇士所擄掠的，也可以奪回； 強暴人所搶的，也可以解救。 與你相爭的，我必與他相爭； 我要拯救你的兒女。
並且我必使那欺壓你的吃自己的肉， 也要以自己的血喝醉，好像喝甜酒一樣。 凡有血氣的必都知道我－耶和華是你的救主， 是你的救贖主，是雅各的大能者。」

有一天…

奉主耶穌的名（下）- 一念悔改盼天家（四）

目錄

奉主耶穌的名（上）- 一念悔改盼天家（四）

奉主耶穌的名（下）- 一念悔改盼天家（四）

有一天，忽然想起那惡者，正如約翰一書5:19節所說，究竟是怎樣讓全世界都臥在它的手下呢？然後我想起一個弟兄的分享他妻子出軌之後，便似明非明的對自己說，若果那惡者在一個有婦之夫的心裏，放下與她太太的一個好朋友的出軌的聯想，同時在她太太的好朋友心裏，放下同樣的種子，然後常常在他們心裏浮現那想法，讓他們以為是自己的想法，那兩位，會否接受那想法而犯罪得罪自己的太太和好朋友呢？想到這裏，我從心底裏，生出一份無力和恐懼感。在那時候，聖靈那威嚴和充滿慈愛的說話臨到我説：「那剎身體不能剎靈魂的，不要怕它。」我的心才不再恐懼，安靜下來。兒子，當你將來長大，看到這裏的時候，你要記住，聖靈從來都不會無聊地亂對我們說話的。

之後，心裏面忽然之間有一個問題出現，那問題是這樣的，既然是那惡者引誘我，那麼我是無辜的，為何我要認罪悔改，才能奉主的名，趕走黑暗負面的思想呢？這問題一直存在我的心裏，直至有一日，主的說話籍著聖靈臨到我説：「你回去看看亞當夏娃第一次犯罪，便會知道的了。」因那時，我記起我那「我是無辜」的困惑，便知道主要為我解惑了。結果，我在看夏娃聽了那蛇的引誘，自己覺得是對自己好的，便不聽神的話，吃了那果子，更拿去給亞當吃，亞當也沒有反對，所以便齊齊聽那蛇的說話，不理會神的警告，吃了分辨善惡樹上的果子。到最後，神沒有只是懲罰那蛇，連亞當夏娃也受到懲罰。看到那裏，我便知道引誘人的蛇（魔鬼）有罪，聽了引誘而不聽神的話的亞當夏娃也有罪，並沒有無辜的，只有自願上釣接受引誘的人。

各位屬神的兒女，這雖然是不合這世上科學範疇的邏輯思維，但我們的主耶穌，不是曾經說過：「兩個人的見證是真的。」我是為主耶穌讓我所經歷的重生過程作見證，但我是因為相信那叫我放膽說的，也會在衆人心裏藉著聖靈為祂自己的名，作見證。

以賽亞書 42:16 記載：

「我要引瞎子行不認識的道， 領他們走不知道的路； 在他們面前使黑暗變為光明， 使彎曲變為平直。 這些事我都要行， 並不離棄他們。」

我特別在這裏，對那些常常被打倒的基督徒作見證，即使其他人都放棄了你，即使你自己也放棄了你自己，我奉我救主耶穌的名對你說，我們的主耶穌也不會放棄你，祂有大能力，能將被罪惡捆綁的人，從污泥中親自的拉出來，因為祂的名字，比那世上的靈更大，不要放棄你自己，更不要放棄禱告和祈求，求主用祂的寶血遮蓋你，奉主耶穌的名，趕走那常常纏繞你的惡念。你比起那些從來也不用求主醫治，便能夠做得很好的人（其實正如傳道書7:20節所說：「時常行善而不犯罪的義人，世上實在沒有。」），因為我們自己卑微，更容易信靠上帝，更容易接受神的大能，更容易先進上帝的國，更容易明白為甚麼主耶穌會對那些猶太人的宗教領袖所講的：「我實在告訴你們，稅吏和娼妓倒比你們先進上帝的國。 因為約翰遵着義路到你們這裏來，你們卻不信他；稅吏和娼妓倒信他。你們看見了，後來還是不懊悔去信他。」但是，那一份黑暗的引誘力，是會用你要自以為義或自我證明的慾望，作為養份，火上加油，更加頻密的出現的。世上沒有一個義人，比一個受害人，更加清楚這其中的原因。也正如‬創世記‬ ‭4‬:‭7‬‭和使徒行傳‬ ‭4‬:‭12記截：

「你若行得好，豈不蒙悅納？你若行得不好，罪就伏在門前。它必戀慕你，你卻要制伏它。」

「除他（主耶穌）以外，別無拯救；因為在天下人間，沒有賜下別的名，我們可以靠着得救。」
‭‭‬

所以，一定要全心全意悔改，只要你願意棄惡擇善，我們的主耶穌是會赦免你的罪，與你同行，幫你驅走心中的黑暗。因為以賽亞書55:7-9/11/13節曾記載：

「惡人當離棄自己的道路； 不義的人當除掉自己的意念。 歸向耶和華，耶和華就必憐恤他； 當歸向我們的上帝，因為上帝必廣行赦免。
耶和華說：我的意念非同你們的意念； 我的道路非同你們的道路。
天怎樣高過地， 照樣，我的道路高過你們的道路； 我的意念高過你們的意念。
…
我口所出的話也必如此， 決不徒然返回， 卻要成就我所喜悅的， 在我發他去成就的事上必然亨通。
…
松樹長出，代替荊棘； 番石榴長出，代替蒺藜。 這要為耶和華留名， 作為永遠的證據，不能剪除。」

我從心底裏感謝我的救主耶穌，若果不是祂不離不棄，活著的我，也是一個心裏充滿種種怨恨和驕傲的活死人，是主親自將我從那惡者的手裏拯救出來的。我要一生一世跟隨祂，讚美傳揚祂的救贖之恩。兒子，我將主耶穌在我身上所作這些事，說給你知道，你要牢記在心裏，好好思考，一代一代的傳下去，讚美神在爸爸身上所作奇妙的救恩。

最後，我用使徒彼得在使徒行傳 4:10-12，和使徒保羅在哥林多前書1:18-31節所說的話，用我自己的親身經歷作總結：

「基督裏的子民都當知道，站在你們面前的我，得痊癒是因被釘十字架、上帝叫他從死裏復活的拿撒勒人耶穌基督的名。 祂是 我們匠人所棄的石頭， 已成了房角的頭塊石頭。 除祂以外，別無拯救；因為在天下人間，沒有賜下別的名，我們可以靠着得救。」

「因為十字架的道理，在那滅亡的人為愚拙；在我們得救的人，卻為上帝的大能。
就如經上所記： 我要滅絕智慧人的智慧， 廢棄聰明人的聰明。
智慧人在哪裏？文士在哪裏？這世上的辯士在哪裏？上帝豈不是叫這世上的智慧變成愚拙嗎？
世人憑自己的智慧，既不認識上帝，上帝就樂意用人所當作愚拙的道理拯救那些信的人；這就是上帝的智慧了。
猶太人是要神蹟，有些基督徒是求知識，
我們卻是傳釘十字架的基督，在猶太人為絆腳石，在只追求知識的基督徒當中也視為愚拙；
但在那蒙召的，無論是猶太人、基督徒，基督總為上帝的能力，上帝的智慧。
因上帝的愚拙總比人智慧，上帝的軟弱總比人強壯。
弟兄們哪，可見你們蒙召的，按着肉體有智慧的不多，有能力的不多，有尊貴的也不多。
上帝卻揀選了世上愚拙的，叫有知識的羞愧；又揀選了世上軟弱的，叫那強壯的羞愧。
上帝也揀選了世上卑賤的，被人厭惡的，以及那無有的，為要廢掉那有的，
使一切有血氣的，在上帝面前一個也不能自誇。
但你們得在基督耶穌裏是本乎上帝，上帝又使他成為我們的智慧、公義、聖潔、救贖。
如經上所記：「誇口的，當指着主誇口。」」

創造天地萬物的三一真神，祂尊貴無可比的名字是「耶和華—萬軍之神」，不用我為祂多說甚麼，祂只叫我誠誠實實的述說，祂在我身上所作的事，便可以了。願一切的榮耀和頌讚，歸給愛我們的上帝，聖子主耶穌基督和聖靈，我們三一的真神！阿們！

弟兄們，若果你看完這篇見證後，從心裏湧出來一份「不可能！不相信！不服氣！」的三不意念，認為我是在貶低你們的知識，我在主面前，輕輕的慰問你一聲，你有沒有想過，自己可能已經「中招」，被那惡者弄瞎了心眼呢？若果你真的想知道真相，其實你可以奉主耶穌的名，命令那發出那三不意念的靈回答你，相不相信主耶穌是道成了肉身，你便會知道的了。但願住在你心中的聖靈，會讓你相信約翰一書4:1-6節的話，知道真相。

給爸爸的信(上)

目錄

奉主耶穌的名（中）- 一念悔改盼天家（四）

奉主耶穌的名（上）- 一念悔改盼天家（四）

我的兒子和讀者們，在這篇見證裏，我會將發生在我身上，怎樣奉神的兒子，主耶穌的名，勝過罪惡的經歷，說給你們知道。這也是我向我的主耶穌，所許下的承諾，最重要的一部份，這篇文章大概要十五分鐘的閲讀時間，你們可以不看下去，若然你選擇看下去，我希望你可以看完整篇分成三部，每部五分鐘的分享，祈求聖靈保守你們的心，能夠在心裏看到我所經歷的一切，能夠明白祂要讓你明白的。

自從主對我說要棄惡擇善，祂便有榮耀以後，也叫我要走窄路，更在我無助的時候，說给我知道，祂的寶血是夠我用的，我便從心底裏，相信主耶穌籍著聖靈對我所說的話，是我腳前的燈，路上的光！但我仍然有一個問題，即使我求主的寶血遮蓋我，沒有太容易便上那惡者的當，卻仍然沒有辨法完全解決罪惡的引誘，因為自己也認同那些意念是對的。那份從分辨善惡的知識而來，厭惡別人對我所做的惡事或嬉笑的那一份怨恨，便會常常在我每天跪下來祈禱或讀聖經的時候，慢慢地又會浮現在我的腦海裏，即使我求主的寶血遮蓋我，只要我自願上釣，我也常常被吸引去了，口是在讀聖經中神的話，心卻去了千萬里以外的雲霧裏。我不喜歡那樣的我，我想從讀聖經裏與愛我的神相會，但那份常常浮現在心懷裏的意念，卻將我的心思吸引了去。所以很多時候，我在讀完聖經的時候，一點也記不起我剛剛所閱讀的經文，腦海裏一片空白，就像被偷走了記憶一樣。然後便會心裏面難過，為何自己連那小小的專注力也沒有，也會懷疑為何主對我說，祂的寶血夠我用，我卻仍然被打敗，感覺不夠用？所以我常常求主饒恕我，憐憫我！但有一天，我卻記起有一對傳道人夫婦曾經講：「我們是可以奉主耶穌的名，去趕走從那惡者而來的引誘。」然後，我心裏面從聖靈而來的一個意念，輕輕的，但卻是不斷地出現，那意念是這樣的：

「你不雖要常常被動的給那惡者引誘你，然後求我憐憫你，你是可以靠著我反抗的。」

那時候，卻不知道怎樣去靠著主反抗，然後那傳道人的説話，與那曾出現在我心中叫我可以反抗的意念，在心裏互相結連在一起。但是，我也記不起經過多久被打倒之後，那些被取笑的情景，再次在我讀聖經的時候，出現在腦海中的那一天，因為不想再被打倒了，更重要的是，因為聖靈提醒我，我可以反抗，所以我便在心裏面，嘗試對那些浮現在我腦海中的種種怨恨和引發出來的惡念說：「我奉主耶穌的名，命念那惡者遠遠的退去，不准你搞擾我！」在我這樣說的時候，我發覺心裏出現一陣騷動，或者正確的說，是在我的靈魂深處當中，因為奉主耶穌的名，好像要從我的靈魂裏，將一些東西驅逐剝離出來的一般，當那些東西被趕走以後，我心裏面浮現那些被嘲笑或者被遺棄的景象和怨念，連帶心靈裏的那份躁動，便像潮汐忽然退潮一般的消失了——沒有了——一點也沒有了。又像一個，一直被人用氣泵充氣的像皮氣球，忽然間那氣泵被人拿開，那氣球便洩氣，變回原本的樣子，不再有那膨脹以至於險些被撐爆的感覺了。再簡單一些的說，就像一個人，被冷水淋頭，打了一個冷震，便不再沉迷於夢境中，清醒過來了。在過去的幾年裏，我嘗試過無數次，只要我不願意被心中出現種種負面的景像或情緒所迷惑，每次當我在心裏，奉主耶穌的名，命令那惡者退去，我也會心靈裏首先有一份騷動，然後便像冷水淋頭一般的甦醒過來，那些負面的意念，便消失了。但每當我，不再有那倚靠主耶穌的心，以為只要好像念咒一般便可以的時候，那些負面的意念，卻不能趕逐離開我的心靈。那一句「奉主耶穌的名，命令那惡者遠遠退去」的說話，好像有靈性的一様，只有我全心全意倚靠主的時候，才可以將那些負面的意念趕走，驅逐離開我的心懷。而且，我發現最重要的戰場是在夢境裏，若然在夢裏，我會記起而「奉主的名」，趕走那惡者，我便真的打勝仗了，那些負面黑暗的意念便會消散。若是不記得或者不願意奉主的名，那麼便會被打倒，只好求主饒恕我，才能驅散那些惡念。到今年，當我有一次…

奉主耶穌的名（中）- 一念悔改盼天家（四）

目錄

求主寶血遮蓋我 – 一念悔改盼天家（四）

The Lord’s Anointing is in My Heart – One Thought Repent Longing to Heaven(4)

My son, 1 John 2:27 records:

“And as for you, the anointing which you received from Him remains in you, and you have no need for anyone to teach you; but as His anointing teaches you about all things, and is true and is not a lie, and just as it has taught you, you remain in Him.”

This is very believable! After I repented, God, through the Holy Spirit, helped me to be reborn, to find the experience of overcoming sin, and write it down briefly in this article. You shall remember and praise the God who created the heaven and earth and all things, and spread it from generation to generation. Trust in Him, and believe in all that He has to say to you. Also, some friends have asked me why I shared with other people about my personal experience of salvation, why you always say that the Holy Spirit speaks to you, do you know that not every Christian also hears the Holy Spirit speak to them. Doing this will cause anxiety and panic, make many Christians doubt themselves, and make them have no confidence to go on. What is your purpose in doing this? I will give those friends my reply after I have told my rebirth experience.

This rebirth experience will be divided into four small chapters, the first chapter is called “The Lord’s Anointing in My Heart”, the second chapter is called “The Precious Blood of Jesus is covering me”, and the third chapter is called “By The Name of my Lord Jesus”, and the fourth chapter is called “All are children of God”.

My two most important repentances in my life and the testimony of being forgiven by God are recorded in “One Thought Repent Longing To Heave (2) “, followed by “Do I have to seek your advice first?“, those two experiences let me personally experience the truth of confession, repentance and salvation. It also made me kneel before God with sincerity to pray and read the Bible every day. I just read the Bible every day without studying them. What I wanted most at that time was to read what God left for us through the Holy Spirit. I want to know what kind of creator God, who loves me and forgives my sins, is. Sometimes, I will see the scenes told in the Bible in my heart, like a bystander watching everything go by, sometimes I will feel happy because of the presence of God, and sometimes I will cry when I feel sad , sometimes afraid of the scriptures I read. Sometimes I asked God because I didn’t understand the Scriptures I were reading. God will respond to me in various ways through the Holy Spirit who dwells in me. And the Holy Spirit’s response to me in person was really the lamp before my feet and the light on the road. When I didn’t know how to face some difficulties, it also illuminated my heart and let me know how to face it.

After repenting, one Sunday, when I was worshiping, I remembered that I had been a Christian for 30 years, and I had not been sharing the Gospel with others well. I felt sorry for the Lord in my heart. But a majestic voice appeared in my heart, telling me to focus on worshipping Him, so I stopped tangling with the guilt and focused on singing and worshipping God. When I sing a hymn, the content is to worship God with heart and sincerity, and let the true God who created the heavens, the earth and all things be glorified. Then the voice of the Holy Spirit in my heart reappeared, saying, “If you resist the thoughts of the evil one in your heart, I will be glorified.” I will not know that God will be glorified by resisting all kinds of thoughts from the evil in my heart. But if God’s Spirit does not move the world, how can we know that what we think, say, and do is not pleasing to Him?

After that, I was driving a car once, on the highway, in the traffic lane beside me, and suddenly a car drove past me at super high speed, and then I thought to myself, “Why is the driver driving so fast? to reincarnate?” At that moment, a tiny voice appeared in my heart:

“for you know that even you have cursed others many times as well.”

It was Ecclesiastes 7:22, and I could only smile bitterly, thinking to myself, “Lord, there are so many verses in the Bible, why do you use this verse?” After that, I didn’t dare to curse others drove fast to get reincarnated, afraid that the Holy Spirit would say what kind of words to me.

Another time, when I read 1 Timothy 5:13-14:

“At the same time they also learn to be idle, as they go around from house to house; and not merely idle, but also they become gossips and busybodies, talking about things not proper to mention.
Therefore, I want younger widows to get married, have children, manage their households, and give the enemy no opportunity for reproach;”

I thought to myself, I am not a young widow, and this verse should have nothing to do with me, and then a small voice sounded in my heart:

“The church is my bride, and if the bride does not listen to the bridegroom, treat the bridegroom as dead, she is a widow. “

I thought about it at that time, and felt that what the Holy Spirit said to me was right, and I remembered in my heart, don’t gossip, don’t be nosy, and say things that shouldn’t be said. My son, God is always able to say things through the Holy Spirit that strike me as unbelievable. But after I am willing to believe in Him and accept it with sincerity, I will feel that everything is logical and in line with the records in the Bible. The words of the omnipotent, righteous and loving God, who created the heavens and the earth and all things, make me fear Him.

Although the words from the Holy Spirit could not make the dark and negative thoughts in my heart disappear completely, they would still emerge, but I felt that I had begun to have the right to choose. Later, when I read Isaiah 7:14-15 one day, it says:

“Therefore the Lord Himself will give you a sign: Behold, the virgin will conceive and give birth to a son, and she will name Him Immanuel. 
He will eat curds and honey at the time He knows enough to refuse evil and choose good.
For before the boy knows enough to refuse evil and choose good,…”

Suddenly, I realized that our Lord Jesus, who came to earth, was trapped in the flesh just like our worldly dispositions. He had to learn to refuse evil and choose good, didn’t listen to the evil desires that come from the flesh in His human body. Just because He is not self-righteous, has not sinned, and violated the will of the Heavenly Father, so He can become a turning point in our world and overcome negative thoughts. Son, we are different in the world. Among us, it is because of love, not because we think we are good people. It is also because of confession and repentance, forgiveness by the Creator, and personal experience of the love from the Lord Jesus who gave up His life and never left, so we must choose. Although I have the right to choose, I am troubled by the constant choice every day. “Don’t I live in the Lord? Will I no longer be condemned? I have been reborn, so why are there still dark, deceitful and negative thoughts in my heart? Is this just an illusion? Will I return to my original shape and be bound by sin again?” Doubt often arises in my mind. One day, that small but majestic voice reappeared in my heart, saying:

“Enter through the narrow gate. For wide is the gate and broad is the way that leads to destruction, and many enter in;”

Since God said this to me through the Holy Spirit, I believe in Him, and I do it every day. I learn not to follow the negative thoughts in my heart, and I don’t care why my heart is so bad. I just resist those thought which I don’t know where they come from day after day. Sometimes I won the battle, sometimes I was defeated. When the Lord opened my heart and let me know that I had sinned against Him, I asked the Lord to forgive and had mercy on me. I wondered when the days of such struggles would end? Later, after I read James 4:7 and 1 Peter 5:8-10:

“Submit therefore to God. But resist the devil, and he will flee from you.”

“Be of sober spirit, be on the alert. Your adversary, the devil, prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour. 
So resist him, firm in your faith, knowing that the same experiences of suffering are being accomplished by your brothers and sisters who are in the world. 
After you have suffered for a little while, the God of all grace, who called you to His eternal glory in Christ, will Himself perfect, confirm, strengthen, and establish you.”

When my own doubts often appear in my heart, I know that the Holy Spirit is responding and encouraging me. Since God has promised to resist the negative evil thoughts of the devil (refuse evil and choose good), the devil will leave us. Since all the brothers in the world have also experienced such hardships, some people may find it easy to refuse, while others may find it a little more difficult, so what? Most importantly, these afflictions are temporary, and what God, by the Holy Spirit, spoke to the apostles James and Paul, is very precious, because one day those temptations and afflictions that arise in the soul will be due to the word of God He who promises and leaves me, this is the light on my way.

The Precious Blood of Jesus is covering me – One Thought Repent Longing to Heaven (4)

Table Of Contents

What is LOVE? (2 of 2)

What is LOVE? (2 of 2)

First, “the one who gave birth and nurture is better than the one who only gave birth, and the one who taught is better than the one who only nurtured.” You must know that just accepting the Creator who gave birth to us from the Spirit will not necessarily allow you and me to experience the value of salvation in person after accepting the Lord Jesus. After being hurt by others, you can forgive or accept yourself and the other party from your heart, and pray for both parties. But the Creator who gives birth to us from His Spirit and who nurtures and teaches or disciplines us each time we did wrong against His will can make you and I realize from our heart that our God is alive in the present time with us. He often observes us in our hearts and teaches us to understand the preciousness of salvation. To stop us from returning to our sins, He will teach us and let us know how deeply He loves us. Since God loves us as a sinner, we are also loving Him in response to His love, so we are willing to give up self-centeredness and abandon those bad habits, or to love those who offended or hurt us. Before I repented, I only knew that after accepting the Lord Jesus, I would go to heaven after death. However, I never knew how much the Lord Jesus loves a sinner like me, nor would I put the knowledge of the hope of eternal life deep in my mind and into my heart, hoping one day to return to the Heavenly home to see the Lord’s face. Not to mention, when I take my last breath on Earth, it will make me not afraid, and I will relieve that finally be able to return to my heavenly home. Son, will you miss going to your heavenly home? Dad often didn’t listen to the words of the Holy Spirit and did what I thought was right in my way, but the result was that I was farther and farther away from the Heavenly Father. So, I was often disciplined by God. Among the children of God, I am the weakest and most shameless in the end. Even so, I am longing to return to heaven to see the Creator who loves me and disciplines me! This does not mean that I want to leave you and your mom on Earth and go to heaven to be happy. Dad loves you and mom. I don’t know why, but even if I get knocked down by chance, the Lord disciplined me. Then, I returned to Him with godly guilt, knelt down and confessed my sins, and begged the Lord to forgive me. The peace of forgiveness that came from God always reminds me of my hometown in heaven. When I think about it, I hope to touch the soil and buildings on the ground in heaven with my own hands, want to see the characters in the Bible in person, and I hope to see the Heavenly Father and the Lord Jesus with my own eyes. Job 19:25-27, which has touched my heart even now, is where Job said:

“For I know that my Redeemer lives, and at last he will stand upon the earth.
And after my skin has been thus destroyed, yet in my flesh I will see God,
I myself will see him with my own eyes – I, and not another…”

All people in the world have sinned and have fallen short of the glory of God. If everything that I did on earth, I can revisit them with the Heavenly Father and the Lord Jesus. If the Father can let me know what truly happened in those times, and let me know why He is creating people like me, it will make me feel that my life is not in vain. I started to believe in my heart that my Redeemer is alive, and I started to miss the kingdom of the children of God who slept on earth and are still alive in heaven. I can live on earth every day and still miss the day when I go back to heaven and see for myself. They all started a few years ago that I truly repented, was forgiven by God, and found that He still loved and disciplined me. Then, eternity was starting to sprout in my heart. Zechariah, who was filled with the Holy Spirit, prophesied a passage like this:

“to give his people the knowledge of salvation through the forgiveness of their sins,
because of the tender mercy of our God, by which the rising sun will come to us from heaven
to shine on those living in darkness and in the shadow of death, to guide our feet into the path of peace.”

Therefore, I am sharing the gospel of repentance and salvation, and it is for the children of God, and it is also for those who did not believe that the Lord Jesus is the Son of God. The Holy Spirit said to me one time,

“The hope of salvation lies in repentance. It is the same as taking a shower every day in life and washing away the dust accumulated on the body every day. No one will say that I had a shower once a few years ago, and I don’t need to have a shower again anymore.”

Son, don’t believe those kinds of false and absurd teachings. Those teachings that said once you are saved, you will never need to ask for forgiveness from your sins. Those teachings can’t make the hope of eternal life grow in your heart.

Second, the children of God can pour out their hearts to Him and ask why to God for themselves. Why do I encounter difficulties or suffering? The LORD who created the heavens and the earth, can answer or not answer us. Since we don’t understand, why not ask ourselves? If I didn’t relive the pruning of the branches because of what the Holy Spirit showed me in my heart. Then, I curiously asked the Lord if He let the thorns nailed to my feet and woke me up from the intoxication of dissatisfaction, I would be wasting after God’s painstaking care for me. It will be impossible to remind me again that the LORD who created the heaven, the earth, and the human soul sees your heart and my heart. As long as you and I don’t impute what we see as the consequences of sin to others who suffer, I’m talking about all people in the world, not just Christians.

And finally, third, son, learn how to discern the voices that come out of your heart, those that come from the Holy Spirit, and those that come from the evil one disguised as an angel of light. I only know the voice of the Holy Spirit, it won’t make me complacent or self-righteous, after listening to those voices, it won’t make me always remember the dark side of others, won’t let me be hypocritical, won’t let me tell lies, not feeling sorry at all, thinking that if I didn’t say it, anyone had evidence to say that I was lying as if my conscience was lost. I won’t be attracted to think about other things when I kneel down to pray and read the Bible. After reading God’s words, I can’t even remember the scriptures I just read. Will remember those things that can show off in front of others and elevate my social status. If something like this happens to you in the future, you can kneel down and pray to the Lord sincerely, and ask the Lord, “My Lord, why do I have such a situation?” As long as we are not rejected fully by the Lord and we are not afraid, our Lord Jesus has His way through Holy Spirit to let us know what is going on in our life. Hebrews 12:6-8, 10-11 records:

“FOR WHOM THE LORD LOVES HE DISCIPLES, AND HE PUNISHES EVERY SON WHOM HE ACCEPTS.
It is for discipline that you endure; God deals with you as with sons; for what son is there whom his father does not discipline?
But if you are without discipline, of which all have become partakers, then you are illegitimate children and not sons.
…
For they (earthly father) disciplined us for a short time as seemed best to them, but He disciplines us for our good, so that we may share His holiness.
For the moment, all discipline seems not to be pleasant, but painful; yet to those who have been trained by it, afterward it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness.”

When the Lord changed even my heart, let me know that He is the true and living God, and made me a child of Him, what else can I unable to let go? What can I do if I cannot even let go? I cannot change back to my old self anymore because the living God will love and discipline me. Also, I don’t like my old self anymore. Son, this is my experience after repentance and rebirth.

If you ask me, what is love? It is love to protect and sympathize. It is also love to punish and discipline.

Thank you, Son of God, my Lord Jesus, that in this world you would come to find me in the crowd! Let me know You, speak to me through the Holy Spirit, nurture and discipline me, let me know that You love me, and let me know that You are alive today. Yes, my Lord, you are alive, forever alive, and you don’t need me to say anything for you, just tell the truth plainly about what you have done for me. This is a believable statement. May the true God of heaven and earth, my Savior, Jesus Christ, pray that in every event of my life, all readers will only see that You are alive, may all the Glory be to Christ, Amen!

Well, in the next article, I can resume my experience of rebirth after repentance.

Next: The Lord’s Anointing is in My Heart – One Thought Repent Longing to Heaven(4)

Table Of Contents

Prevoius: What is LOVE? (1 of 2)

What is LOVE? (1 of 2)

My son, in this article, I want to write down one thing, let you know “what is LOVE?”, and also how the Evil One pretends to be an angel of light. When I listen to those thoughts, I want to share with you what will be my spiritual situation.

In the company I work for, there is a senior director who likes to argue and turns things upside down. Something wrong he or his team did, he can say, “I don’t know. Why didn’t you inform me earlier?” Once, the CTO and I had to have a meeting with him to discuss something. As a subordinate, I just treated myself as an observer and didn’t think I would have anything to say. But the more I listened, the more I realized that the director could put the Annual Information Security Training every employee must do, saying that no one informed him and his subordinates. They were not being trained to follow those policies. There are such people in the world, but hearing about them is not as shocking as experiencing it in person. Not only was I shocked, but I also felt disgusted with this kind of person from the bottom of my heart. Later, during the meeting, the more I listened, the angrier I became, so I began to use his way to treat him. Because I hated his attitude, I confronted him mercilessly and said:

“You didn’t provide me training to do what you want, I just follow company policy.”

In the end, he and his boss were speechless and could only follow the company’s information security policy. After the meeting, in retrospect, I felt that I was a little aggressive and didn’t leave room for the director. But at that time, a voice appeared in my heart and said to me:

“Well done!”

I thought it was the Holy Spirit who said it to me, so I no longer questioned my unreserved attitude. Also, I had a little thought that what I had done, even the Holy Spirit agreed that it was right. After that, this incident often reappeared in my mind, making me feel a little complacent. Son, but don’t forget that the words of the Holy Spirit will never contradict the words of God in the Bible. Colossians 4:5-6 tells us:

“Conduct yourselves with wisdom toward outsiders, making the most of the opportunity.
Your speech must always be with grace, as though seasoned with salt, so that you will know how you should respond to each person.”

So the voice that said to me, “Well done!” was not from God. You can interpret those voices are the result of my self-righteous thoughts. Also, you can treat those voices as the evil ones pretending to be an angel of light, just to make me think I am right. Even though those voices go against God’s will, they still make me feel good about myself. Make me have no remorse and think I am standing in justice, but I am far from God’s will.

After this incident, I found that I often had other people’s wrongdoing come to my mind. Even when I knelt down to read the Bible and pray, I was often attracted by the various thoughts that came to my mind. Son, this is a proof of what God said in Genesis 4:7 is correct:

“If you do well, will your face not be cheerful? And if you do not do well, sin is lurking at the door; and its desire is for you, but you must master it.”

Although I had this kind of experience before, this time it was only after the following event that I came to my senses.

That Saturday afternoon, I was in the backyard trimming the trees between my neighbor and my house, and then I remembered that my neighbor had done something that took me a while to deal with. At that time, I remembered she often said that she did not want the trees between our houses to be trimmed too low, which would affect her privacy from her house. For some reason, at that moment in my heart, an idea appeared, which meant this:

“You got me into trouble for a while without consulting me first, and you didn’t want me to trim the trees low. I just want to trim down the trees on my side! To express my dissatisfaction!”

At that time, I just felt that this idea was not wrong, so I agreed with it. As a result, when I was intoxicated with expressing my dissatisfaction and cutting branches, a piece of the branch I was cutting was impaled into the shoe on my left foot and woke me up immediately from my “revenge”. I pulled out the branch, only to find that there were some needle-like thorns on the branch. One of the sharp thorns pierced the surface of the shoe and inserted about half an inch into my foot. The moment it was pulled out, crimson blood flowed out of the shoe hole. I hurried back to the garage and took off my left shoe and sock. Only then did I see that the wound was bleeding from a major artery in the middle of the foot. To stop the bleeding, I pressed my index finger on the artery. Two fist-sized bloodstains were on the ground before the wound stopped bleeding. After the bleeding was stopped, I saw the small needle-like wound, in the middle of the artery. The width of the artery was less than one-tenths of an inch. Why was it so coincidental? I don’t know why but I had a strange feeling in my heart as if I saw in my heart that I was indulging in venting my dissatisfaction when I was pruning, and then the branch was so cleverly nailed to my shoe, which woke me up. Just by curiosity, I asked God in my heart, “Lord, was that you?”

Then, a small voice sounded from nowhere inside my heart:

“And that slave who knew his master’s will and did not get ready or act in accordance with his will, will receive many blows,”

Son, who likes to be disciplined for doing wrong? And I asked myself, was this just a coincidence and not a discipline from God? At that time, the tiny voice in my heart reappeared, saying:

“Even your hair has been counted.”

It was only then that my heart woke up. Since my hair has also been counted by the Lord, and the Heavenly Father had answered me twice by the Holy Spirit. My little injury was not a coincidence!

For some reason, it only lasted until Sunday morning, when I knelt down and prayed and read the Bible, I remembered that I had not confessed to the Lord for what happened yesterday. So I asked the Lord to forgive me. Because when I knelt down, the wound on my left foot was still painful, so when I worshipped God at home, I hesitated whether I could still kneel and worship God.

When I asked the Lord in my heart, a tiny voice appeared, saying:

“You can. Don’t be afraid.”

So I knelt down and worshipped God in faith. Gradually, I couldn’t feel the pain in my feet. In the beginning, it could be explained as numbness caused by the lack of blood circulation. Later, I even stood up and didn’t feel hurt anymore. At that time, I was full of thanks to God! After I finally finished worshipping God, my tears flowed down quietly when you and your mom were not around. Although I was disciplined by God, the pain of the wound disappeared less than a day after I admitted my mistake. This is just an isolated example and cannot be generalized, but it is an iron-clad fact that my wound will no longer be painful in less than a day.

My son, you need to keep a few things in mind…

What is LOVE? (2 of 2)

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One Thought Repent Longing to Heaven (3)

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  1. Kyeyune Allan Avatar
    Kyeyune Allan

    Very greatful Chan. Thanks for sharing your testimony with me too. Always happy for you brother.

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愛是甚麼？(下)

第一，「生不如養，養不如教」，你要知道只是接受從靈生我們的創造主，未必會讓你我在接受主耶穌以後，親身體驗救恩的可貴性，也不會讓你被別人傷害以後，可以從心裏原諒或接受自己與對方，為雙方祈禱。但是一個從靈生我們，也每天在我們身上養育和管教我們的神，卻可以讓你我從心體會神是永活的神，祂常常在我們心中察看我們，教導我們去明白救恩的可貴，更會為了讓我們不再在罪中，教訓我們，讓我們知道祂愛我們有多深，可以因為神既然愛我這罪人，我也要愛祂，才會願意去放棄自我中心，捨棄那些壞習慣，或者去愛那些得罪或傷害我們的人。我悔改以前只知道接受主後，死後會上天堂，但卻從不親身體會主耶穌有多麼愛我這樣的罪人，也不會將頭腦上有永生盼望的知識，落實在心底裏，盼望將來返天家見主面。更加不用說，我在世上呼吸最後一口氣的時候，會讓我不恐懼，有終於可以回天家的思念。兒子，你會想念返天家嗎？爸爸常常不聽聖靈的說話，自以為對的便去做，結果卻是離開天父越來越遠，所以常常被神管教我。我在神的兒女中，是最末後最軟弱最沒有臉面的，但我盼望能早一點回天家，見那愛我也常常管教我的神啊！這不是我想拋下你們在地上，自己去天家逍遙快活的意思，爸爸愛你和媽媽，但不知為何，就算偶然被打倒了，主責備管教我，內疚回到祂面前跪下認罪，求主饒恕。從神而來的平安，總是不時的令我想起那個在天上的家鄉，想到那裏，親手觸摸那裏地上的泥土和牆壁，親眼看見聖經裏的人物，更加希望親眼見天父和主耶穌一面。約伯記19:25-27節，一直到現在也是深深的觸動我心靈的，約伯在那裏說：

「我知道我的救贖主活着，末了必站立在地上。
我這皮肉滅絕之後，我必在肉體之外得見神。
我自己要見他，親眼要看他，並不像外人。…」

世人都犯了罪，虧缺了神的榮耀，若果每一件事情，都可以與天父和主耶穌重溫一次，讓我知道我那些時候究竟真正在發生甚麼，讓我知道天父為何創造像我這樣的人，我便感覺不枉此生了。會從心裏相信我的救贖主是活著的，會想念那個在地上睡了卻仍是活著在天上那神的兒女的國度，能夠天天在地上活著卻仍然想念回去親身看看的曰子，卻只有在數年以前，我真心悔改，被神赦免，發現祂仍然愛我管教我以後，真正的在心裏發芽落實了。撒迦利亞曾被聖靈充滿，預言其中的一段是這樣的：

「叫他的百姓因罪得赦，就知道救恩；因我們神憐憫的心腸，叫清晨的陽光從高天臨到我們，要照亮坐在黑暗中死蔭裏的人，把我們的腳引到平安的路上。」

所以爸爸是傳悔改得救的福音，對神的兒女也好，不信主耶穌是神的兒子的人也是一樣。聖靈曾對我說：

「得救的盼望，在乎悔改，好像人生每一天都需要洗澡，將每一天所積累貼在身上的塵埃，沖洗乾淨一樣，那有人會說，我幾年前已經清洗過一次，以後也不需要再沖涼洗淨了。」

兒子，不要相信那種虛假荒謬的言語，那些一次得救便可以永遠也不用認罪悔改的教導，是不能將永生的盼望，結結實實的在你心裏發芽生長的。

第二，神的兒女，是可以自己求問神，向祂傾心吐意，為甚麼自己會遇到困難或受苦的，創造天地的神，可以回答或不回應我們，既然自己不明白，為何不問呢？若然我不因聖靈在我心裏重溫當時修剪樹枝的情景，好奇心去問主，是否祂讓那尖刺釘在我的腳上，將我從那沉醉在不滿當中驚醒過來，我便浪費了神對我的苦心了，也不可能再次提醒我，創造天地和人類靈魂的神，是看見你我的內心的。只要你我不將自己認為受苦是犯罪的後果的意思，加在其他受苦的人身上便可以了，我所說的是世上所有人，不只是基督徒。

最後第三，兒子，你要學習怎樣辨別從心裏出來的聲音，那些是從聖靈而來，那些是那惡者扮作光明的天使而來的。我只知道從聖靈而來的聲音，不會讓我沾沾自喜，自以為公義，聽從那聲音以後，不會讓我常常記念別人的惡，不會讓我假善，不會讓我說謊話以後，一點自責也沒有，以為自己不說，有誰人有証據可以說我在說謊，就像良心喪盡了一樣。更不會在我跪下禱告和讀聖經的時候，被吸引去想其他的事情，讀完神的話以後，連自己剛剛曾讀過的經文也記不起，腦海裏是一片空白，或者只會記得那些可以在別人面前炫耀，抬高自己社會地位的事情。若果你以後有這樣的情況出現，你可以誠心跪下向主禱告，問主：「主啊，我為向會有這樣的情況？」只要我們不是被主棄絕的，也不懼怕，主是有辨法藉著聖靈提醒你的。希伯來書12:6-8,10-11節記載：

「因為主所愛的，他必管教， 又鞭打凡所收納的兒子。
你們所忍受的，是神管教你們，待你們如同待兒子。焉有兒子不被父親管教的呢？
管教原是眾子所共受的；你們若不受管教，就是私子，不是兒子了。
…
生身的父都是暫隨己意管教我們；惟有萬靈的父管教我們，是要我們得益處，使我們在他的聖潔上有分。
凡管教的事，當時不覺得快樂，反覺得愁苦；後來卻為那經練過的人結出平安的果子，就是義。」

當主連我的心靈都改變了，讓我知道祂是永活的真神，讓我變成了屬於祂的兒女，還有什麽放不下的呢? 放不下又能如何呢? 我也變不成原來的自己了，因為永活的神是會憐愛管教我的。而且，我也不喜歡原來的自己了。這便是爸爸，悔改重生之後的體會。

若你問我，愛是甚麼？保護憐憫是愛，責打管教也是愛。

謝謝祢，神的兒子，我的主耶穌，在這個世界裏，祢會在人羣裏來尋找我！讓我認識祢，籍著聖靈親自對我講說話，養育管教我，讓我知道祢愛我，讓我知道祢今天仍然活著。是的，祢仍然活著，永遠活著，不用人為祢多說甚麼，只要人照實述説祢為我們所做的事情，便可以了。這話是可信的， 願創造天地的真神，我的救主耶穌基督，祈願在我記下一生中的每一件事情裏，所有讀者都只是看到祢是活著的，願祢得着當得的榮耀，阿們！

好了，在下一篇文章，可以重新接續我悔改以後，重生的經歷了。

主的恩膏在心裏 – 一念悔改盼天家（四)

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愛是甚麼？(上)

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One Thought Sinking into Hell (Part 2 of 2)

There was once a Christian couple, which was relatively closer to us, and often came and went. When they knew about my brother, I often heard the title of “uncle”, and then more openly joking in front of me. Later I learned that because my brother is gay, they used the code name of “uncle” to represent gay men, which means that I have a biological brother who is gay, and in the future my children will call my gay brother “uncle”. After I learned about this, I hated them from the bottom of my heart. Also, I hated myself why I would grow up in such a family and shame on me for the rest of my life! So, at that time, I hate those claimed to be Christians who say good things to me with their lips and laugh at my brother and I am a sinful people within their soul. At that time, that kind of resentment, somehow, would come to my mind all day long, and although I still read the Bible and prayed, the situations that did not occur in reality and illusion still alternated with each other, making the resentment in my heart deeper and deeper. As a person falling into a well, it is dragging me down to step into that deep pool until I could not extricate myself. It was a time when reality and illusion overlapped. First of all, the face lips of the people who knew about this matter began with a slight upward smiling expression, which produced a feeling of abandonment, and finally the illusory idea that made me vent my resentment against the faces of those people. As if I could not do anything in real life but wanted to vent the revenge in my heart as a relief of my anger. As long as I was willing to continue to stay in the fantasy, I could stay in that thought for more than ten minutes before waking up. The idea of resentment, came from nowhere, appears every day, like a hook-up, often looking for and pestering those who may be willing to accept her, hoping to find other people who can sin with her. Matthew 16:23 and 1 Peter 5:8 say it well:

But Jesus turned and said to Peter, “Get behind Me, Satan! You are a stumbling block to Men; for you are not setting your mind on God’s purposes, but men’s.”

Be of sober spirit, be on the alert. Your adversary, the devil, prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour.

Later, I vented my resentment on the senior pastor in the church that my family attended at that time and said some vicious words to him. Although I know that I should not do that, and that the God who created the heaven and the earth and all things will not be pleased with me to do that, I am full of resentment because of the idea that appears in my heart, the intersection of reality and illusion. I want to go beyond God’s word, and because of the resentment that I identify with, I destroy the constraints of the Holy Spirit in my heart. I want to achieve the idea of revenge in my heart. Just because those thoughts are in line with one’s own heart or interests, it is difficult to find that they do not come from oneself but are foreign and exist in the heart at the same time. Son, reading this, you may not be able to understand my mental journey anymore, but please continue to read it, and at the end, I will let you understand what I have said above.

When my wife and I did not have you yet, my brother and my father broke down with me again. At that time, your grandfather called me and said, “After you got married, you have not had children for a while, and it is difficult for me to explain to other relatives and friends.” Then he hanged the line. At that very moment, I couldn’t stop thinking in my heart, “I am your son, why do you want to give an account to your relatives and friends, so that I am more like your asset but not your son, how do you give me an account?” So, the thought that made me feel like a commodity made me hate my father’s family even more. And my brother, because your grandfather had given him the money he had invested in before, asked my brother to hand it over and transfer it to me for other purposes, and used it to me. I was a part time realtor at that time, and he pretended to hire me to help him in the matter of buying his new house. So that, I would get the brokerage commission in the future, and he would ask me to take the commission out to him and compensate for his loss. I can’t remember why my brother’s plan was revealed before he could buy a house. I asked him, and he told me that he can then take back the money he had lost from me, and if it hadn’t been, he wouldn’t have come to me as his realtor no matter what. I remember very clearly, when I thought to myself, “Why can a biological brother do this to me?”

Later, when your mother and I had you and you had not yet been born, suddenly one day, a thought appeared in my heart, and the idea meant this, “Everything is your father’s fault, if it were not for his desire to achieve his purpose regardless of everything, you and your brother would not have led to today’s situation.” Then I thought back to what my father had said to me, and compared to what had happened, I realized that the idea might have been right. From the bottom of my heart, I swore to know the truth, and if it was true, I would never forgive my biological father! It is the same as your grandfather once said to me personally, “I do what I want to achieve, no matter what!” My excuse to find out the truth is just in the hope that I can justifiably hate my father, your grandfather. So, when you were not yet born, I would do it with the deceitful intention in my heart, and I would ask your grandparents to help you after you were born. I changed the plan again and again, so that your grandfather was not happy about it. Even if he thought it was your mother’s intention, I would not hesitate to stop what I want to do. Then on the day you were born, your grandmother asked me, what is the exact time you were born, and I won’t tell her. I won’t tell your grandmother, firstly, because I know that she will use your date of birth time for divination and ask about the future. Secondly, at that time in my heart, there is a resentful thought that spreads in my heart, and the resentment is like this: “Why do I have to tell you? I do not like to tell you about it!”

Later, after you were born, I had the opportunity to take your grandfather home in a car, and on the way he and I had a long conversation. After that time, I decided from my heart that your grandfather was the culprit of my family’s misfortune. However, I feel that there is nothing that can be done in this world, because there is a saying called “parents are always doing good for their children”, which means that all parents in the world are kind to their children, and there is no mistake in their teaching to their kids. Such a sentence, in the self-righteous population, has become the gold medal of those parents who are “doing nothing wrong for their children”, who say to his friends, my children do this and that to me. Their friends who do not know the details, will put their sympathy and pity on their parents. So, at the beginning, I felt very helpless. However, the idea of being abandoned by my father as a commodity to achieve his purpose often appeared in my heart, and because it appeared more and more frequently, the resentment in my heart became deeper and deeper each day. During that time, my mental state was rarely clear, and my mind was very long in the illusory revenge of resentment.

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