Son, I can’t remember how much time passed in this spiritual situation, and then one day, such an idea appeared in my mind: “In this world, because of the boundary of parental and human relations, you can’t do anything…” I resisted this idea at first, and who in this world are so stupid and listen to this idea that appears from the heart for no reason. But then every day, those nights that accompanied you until you slept soundly, those thoughts of resentment, more and more. I hate your grandfather, not as much as I did to my son. Then one night, when my mind was completely lost, opened to accept the call of those dark and resentful thoughts, to let those thoughts merge completely with my heart, and no longer resisted. That night I came out of your room, I had a desire to feel happy that I could begin to take revenge.
Somehow, there were many methods of revenge in my mind that appeared for no reason, as if I had known them for a long time. I tried my best to make your grandfather thought that I were an unfilial son. I did not say a word of filial piety, but I gave him the opportunity to do what he thought was right. Then I wordlessly forced him, let him see his grandson, my son you, let him think that I was demonstrating to him, let him for the sake of face, did not want to express a little affection to us. So that you grew up, did not feel your grandfather’s love, there will be no he in your heart, let you and your grandfather, there is no emotional communication. I also force him have to break his promise to me, draw a line with me. Everything I have placed in his heart is for him to do what he thinks is right, and it is only to force your grandfather to be willing to alienate from our family. Then, when he was alone with me, I was still eating very calm as if he had never said a word of ruthlessness to me. At that time, on the surface, it was difficult for anyone to perceive anything different, but in my heart, I was living in darkness. This is the darkness in my heart, to retaliate against the words he often said: “I must do what I want to achieve, no matter what!”. I wanted your grandfather, the role is reversed, try the feelings of the victim, but everything is also what he is willing to step into. Later, there was a thought in my heart to kill a hundred enemies and hurt myself three thousand, but Holy Spirit reminded me many times not to keep this thought of the evil one in the world, so even if it seems that saying that thought will make you and others know more clearly how the evil one deceives me, I still feel peace not to say it. Son, only a fool will pay attention to the thoughts that come to mind for no reason and accept them as if they were our own thoughts. However, it is precisely because those thoughts are in line with what we are filled with, even if we know that it is stupid to do so. We feel that as long as it is reasonably sound. As long as no one knows what we really think in our hearts. A better way to distinguish is to say that we are righteous, that we are victims, and that those who hurt ourselves are shameful. We may also slowly begin to accept it, and secretly think that it is put into practice without God’s awareness.
When that day, I found the opportunity to make an appointment with your grandfather and grandmother, and said to your mother, there is something to talk to my parents about the day. When I went into their house at that moment, there was a voice of Holy Spirit came to my heart that I had forgotten for a long time. I thought it would be forever and ever loss my communication with the Holy Spirit because I had sold my soul to the wicked. So, God would never say a word to me again. But the voice that came from the Holy Spirit, still majesty and compassionate, appeared to me and said, “Forgive your father, and forgive yourself.” Then, I was ready for everything of my revenge, because of the word of the Holy Spirit, I began to feel some reservations. I also seemed to have suddenly, from that resentment, drenched in cold water and woke up, as if I no longer wanted revenge, did not want to sacrifice my soul, to hurt my father, your grandfather. As a result, I just sat wordlessly in front of your grandfather and grandmother. I thought for a while, and then said to them, “You both have a good life and live.” And I left their house. After I left, I did not regret the temporary cancellation of the final stage of my revenge because I spent so much time and effort on the opportunity to retaliate. I felt that I had let go of the burden. This fulfills what Psalm 33:13-15 and Job 36:8-10 say, which is true.
“The LORD looks from heaven;
He sees all the sons of mankind;
From His dwelling place
He looks out on all the inhabitants of the earth,
He who fashions the hearts of them all,
He who understands all their works.”
“And if they are bound in shackles,
And are caught in the snares of misery,
Then He declares to them their work
And their wrongdoings, that they have been arrogant.
He opens their ears to instruction,
And commands that they return from injustice.”
Son, I thank God from the bottom of my heart that, if He is not a living God forever and ever, if He is not looking at everyone in the world. He would not have known what I was planning to do, and He would not have spoken to me at an important juncture and reminded me to forgive myself. I wouldn’t have known that He still cared for sinners like me who had sold my soul to the wicked.
Christian Faith Discussion 